Bingo’s Breakdown: Elimination Chamber predictions

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Greetings jabronis,

The final PPV hurdle before Wrestlemania is almost upon us – and eleven WWE wrestlers as well as The Great Khali will be stepping into the elimination chamber to stake a claim for a main event spot at The Grandaddy of them all..

Much has been said about the ridiculous placing of the Elimination Chamber event PPV on the WWE calendar over the yeras. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the argument by now, so I won’t bore you too much as to why it should happen elsewhere in the year – and just summarise that it massively dilutes the prestige of the Royal Rumble winner. So there.

But hey, timing aside, I’m not adverse to a bit of Elimination Chamber action. They’re often fun matches, the structure allows for some elaborate spots and a few surprises are often thrown into the mix. Also, you can always bet your bottom dollar that one unfortunate entrant is gonna be smashed through one of those “unsmashable” panes of glass. WWE continues to be the victim of false advertising through their window-supplier.

Just 4 matches have been confirmed as I write this, but I fully anticipate Sheamus featuring on the card in some capacity… Likely a squash win over the likes of Jack Swagger or Jinder Mahal. The Ginger Ninja has got to look strong as his way to ‘Mania after all.

A wee warning before you embark any further, jabronis – this column contains Smackdown spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the show yet and don’t want to be spoiled, I advise you to turn around now and run home to your Momma.

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Beth Phoenix v Tamina Snuka

It seems overly apparent to me at this point that WWE is building towards Beth v Kharma at Wrestlemania – which is of course the right direction. They’re the two most credible performers in the diva’s division and their similar power-move styles should give us an oh-so-rare, mildly intriguing woman’s match.

My one problem is that WWE should have been building towards this for MONTHS already. Just a few weeks ago, Beth lost clean to Alicia Fox in a matter of seconds. Why the Hell did they feel the need to book their champ like that?! Beth should have been booked as an uber-dominant behemoth during Kharma’s absence, then their Wrestlemania showdown could have been much more salivating.

I foresee a valiant effort from Tamina – and this match will likely get more than the 2/3 minutes usually granted to a diva’s match – but Beth has already booked her taxi to Wrestlemania.

Pick: Beth Phoenix

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Kane v John Cena

The goofiest feud in recent history draws to a close here with an ambulance match. I think WWE has done a truly terrible job in preparing John Cena for his battle with The Rock, and this dispute with Kane is surely destined to have a prominent spot in the Wrestle-crap annals.

Regarding the match, I’ll echo the same thoughts I had last month and state that there is no way that Cena will be losing as he prepares for Wrestlemania. I see him picking up the victory here in a most un-Cena like fashion – and the audience will be force-fed the notion that Cena has “embraced the hate” and will thus be heading to Miami as a changed man, fuelled by intensity. But nobody will take it seriously of course… Because it’s impossible to take John Cena seriously.

Will this storyline branch off and culminate in Zack Ryder taking on Kane at Wrestlemania?! I certainly hope so. I think those could actually have an entertaining programme together. At least Ryder is supposed to be goofy. Cena isn’t.

Oh – and Eve is blatantly gonna turn heel and reveal she was in cahoots with Kane all along. Never trust a WWE diva. Even if they do have a fantastic rack.

Pick: John Cena

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Daniel Bryan v Big Show v Wade Barrett v Santino v Cody Rhodes v The Great Khali

The big news here, for those that haven’t heard, is that Randy Orton has been pulled from the match (due to a storyline concussion inflicted by Daniel Bryan – although one must assume he is actually nursing a legitimate injury) and has been replaced by the mighty Santino Marella – which seems to have largely enraged the Internet Wrestling Community!

Personally, I’m okay with it (I’m much more pissed off with the near immobile Great Khali being back in a main event. Wassupwiddat?). Santino earning his elimination chamber spot was presented as a fluke (he won a battle royal) which is a fair way for an under-carder to win his golden ticket. And why shouldn’t the underdog get to bathe in the spotlight every once in a while? Santino is a genuine company guy who is always on hand to brighten up backstage skits, put other guys over and appease the fans through his entertaing, but often degrading, actions – so I say let him have his moment. He’s entitled to it. The pop when he won the battle royal was pretty deafening too according to reports. And if the audience is happy, that’s all that matters, right?

However, this does beg the question: Why hasn’t Christian been brought back into the mix? All indications suggest he is match-fit now. Time will tell on that one I guess. I don’t think Christian will return to take out Santino and steal his spot on the night thouhg. It’s been done before and would be a tad predictable.

On to the winner… Now, had Orton been fit for this match then I probably would have gone for him as my pick to win here – setting up an intriguing face v face clash with Sheamus at Wrestlemania. But with The Viper now out the picture, I’m siding with Bearded Daniel Bryan to retain.

Bryan has done a fantastic job carrying himself as champion, and him heading into Wrestlemania as champion will allow him to turn up the obnoxious, braggart nature of his character tenfold. Bryan and Punk both being involved in world title matches at Wrestlemania would be a massive statement by WWE too. Who could ever criticise them again for burying talent from the indies?

Thus I’m predicting Daniel Bryan to retain against the odds – and then to head to Wrestlemania to battle Royal Rumble winner Sheamus.

Pick: Daniel Bryan

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Dolph Ziggler v Chris Jericho v CM Punk v The Miz v R-truth v Kofi Kingston

The Miz was amusingly accurate this week on RAW when he referred to Kofi Kingston as an “afterthought” in this match. Unfortunately for The Miz, he too is an afterthought, along with R-Truth and Dolph Ziggler. Only two guys stand a chance of winning this one, and those two are the two best in the world.

As babbled above, had Orton been fit, I likely would have made him my pick for the Smackdown chamber. But as he won’t be present at the event, I’ve gone with Daniel Bryan. What does this have to do with the RAW chamber? Well, hold your horses and allow me to explain…

I genuinely don’t think that WWE will hold two elimination chamber matches on the same night where the champ emerges victorious both times. The commentators love telling us about how “brutal” the structure is and how the champ only has a 1 in 6 chance of retaining… But that threatening ethos would be largely quashed if both champs emerged with their titles intact. It would unquestionably make the elimation chamber seem a lot less daunting, you catch my drift?

So, assuming Punk does drop the title, I have to side with Jericho to win. It does little to alter his feud with CM Punk, and the two will still clash at Wrestlemania for the title, only it will be Jericho heading to Miami with the tacky bling title around his waist – which should really compliment that flashing jacket of his.

Pick: Chris Jericho

Those are my picks jabronis, please add your own below. I love it when you do.

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If truth be told, I’m not mightily confident with my picks for the eilimination chamber – but I’m glad about that. PPVs are obviously always more exciting when the outcomes aren’t easy to telegraph – and thus I shall be able to enjoy this event as a cloudy minded fan. Hooray!

For the UK viewers out there who are fortuitous enough to have Sky Sports in your living rooms – let it be known to you that the Elimination Chamber PPV is available to view for free in the early hours of Monday morning. Double hooray!

Over and out.

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