Greetings jabronis,
*Warning* – this article will contain some poor photography.
I’d been meaning to write this column for a while now – but for one reason or another it kept getting put on the back-burner. But now, lo and behold, 5 weeks behind schedule it finally arrives. What ridiculously fortuitous folk you are.
Back at the end of January, myself – along with about couple of hundred other jabronis – got to meet some of the TNA wrestlers at a “Fan Interaction event” before they performed in the “Impact Zone” later that night inside Wembley Arena. We had to pay about 30 quid for the privilege (and tickets sold out within a couple of minutes apparently) and there was a Hell of a lot of standing around doing nothing (I believe they call it “queuing”) – but I guess overall the experience was just about worth it. I did get to meet Hulk Hogan after all… before he was starring in homemade porn films.
If truth be told, I’m not a massive TNA fan. I’m barely a medium TNA fan. Other than the big names such as Sting and AJ Styles, I’m only really familiar with the ex-WWE guys – and thus some of the wrestlers on the night I was learning about for the first time. So if I come across as a TNA noob at any point in this column… That’s because I am.
Once the aforementioned ridiculously long wait came to an end, my buddy and me entered the arena where we were greeted by Dixie Carter – who was ridiculously warm and friendly. She made everyone feel welcome and ensured she thanked us all individually for supporting the TNA product and happily posed for photos. She was a true class act. I can’t imagine Vince ever doing something similar! But then I guess comparing Dixie Carter to Vince McMahon is like comparing Yoshi Tatsu to The Undertaker. But hey, whatever, she was a ray of sunshine and she deserves her plaudits.
I’m the white dude. The black dude is my chum. Yeah, we’re just like The Dudley Boyz.
Also, we ere all supposed to get a free autograph book on the day which didn’t materialise. I told Dixie this and she went and got my friend and me (or, more accurately she instructed someone else to) a free giant foam hand thing each so that we had something to get signatures on. Which, again, was a wonderful gesture. Thank you kindly, Lady Carter.
Just behind Dixie, Earl Hebner was waiting to greet fans and sign autographs. He told me that he should have been sitting at a table with the other wrestlers, but his back was killing him so he had to stand up. I told him jokingly that I thought it was only wrestlers that suffered from bad backs from all their bumping, not refs… But he looked at me as if I was a bit mental and muttered something about spines. I get the feeling he may have misheard me. Or maybe he’s just a grumpy old bastard. I guess we’ll never know.
Then we were led to a long table where we essentially ushered along like cattle, getting to spend a few brief moments with each performer. Sitting at the table semi-enthusiastically with pens in their hands were: Magnus, Christopher Daniels, Madison Rayne, Crimson, Matt Morgan, Kazarian and (amazingly) Kurt Angle. Here’s a pretty much 100% accurate rundown of the conversation I had with each:
Me: Hey
Magnus: Hey
Christopher Daniels: Hello! How’s it going?
Me: Cool. Hey Chris – I used to work with a friend of yours – Tony – who did commentary for FWA.
CD: Oh yeah, I remember Tony.
Me: Yeah? How’s he doing? I haven’t heard from him in like 4 years.
CD: I don’t know. I haven’t been in the UK for about 5 years.
Me: Fair enough. Welcome back.
CD: Thank you.
Madison Rayne: Hey, how’s it going?
Me: Cool, ta.
MR: Huh? What does that mean? Does that mean good?
Me: I said “cool, ta”, yeah it means I’m good… Is that an English saying you’re not familiar with?
MR: No. I understand you. I just didn’t hear you.
Me. Cool story.
(Maybe she had the same hearing problem as Hebner? Or maybe Yanks just struggle with my accent.)
Me: ….
Kazarian: Hey.
Me:… Yes.
Me: Hey Matt
Morgan.
Matt Morgan: Hey.
Me: Thanks.
MM: Thanks.
Me: Hey. I don’t know who you are.
Crimson: I don’t know who you are either.
Me: Hey Kurt
Kurt: How’s it going?
Me: I can’t believe they’ve got you sitting on the end of this table of jabronis!
Kurt: *laughs*
Me: I saw the movie Warrior recently.
Kurt: Yeah? You like it?
Me: It was an awesome film, man. I was looking forward to hearing your Russian accent but you didn’t speak!
Kurt: Ha ha, they cut it!
Me: You mean you DID do a Russian accent?
Kurt: Yeah, but it was bad – they had to cut it from the film *laughs*
…
At this point I was ushered along (as previously stated, we only got a matter of seconds with each wrestler. It’s not necessarily an experience I’d refer to as “interactive”.) … I’m pretty sure Kurt was joking about the Russian accent – but ya never know, it could be an extra when Warrior is released on DVD! (and it is an awesome film for those that haven’t seen it. I wasn’t just being an ass-kiss to Kurt Angle. Even though he deserves to have his ass kissed by all wrestling fans).
Beyond this table, it was main event time and we led over to meet Hulk Hogan – who had a whole table to himself. He deserved no less. He is the founder of Hulkamania after all.
As we waited to meet Hogan, a security guard told me that time was running short and that we could either have a photograph or an autograph – but there wasn’t time for both. My immediate response was to tell the security “F**king f**k off, I’ve queued for 2 hours and paid 30 quid to be here so I’m having both.” He didn’t argue with me.
Whilst I was having this “conversation” with the security guard my friend had gone on ahead to meet Hogan and, unbeknownst to me, Hogan had overheard my altercation and told my friend “Hey, I think your buddy is flipping the bird at the security guard” – which was pretty cool… And is probably why Hulk looks so intimidated by me …
Yup, I’m a bad ass.
I didn’t get much of a conversation from The Hulkster, he did give me a “Hey yo, brother” though that was pretty awesome. I told him that I share a birthday with him (which is true) and that as a kid I always though that was really cool… But he didn’t seem to care. And why the Hell should he?
So, like I said, overall it was an okay experience. Apparently Hogan showed up around half way through the event, so people at the front of the queue didn’t get to meet him. So whilst that kind of makes the long wait seem somewhat worthwhile, I can’t help but feel sorry for those that got there early. “The early bird catches the worm” is a very false analogy in this instance.
The Impact tapings in the evening were funsome I’m happy to report, buoyed infinitely by an insanely enthusiastic crowd. I won’t bother recapping that though… Because it was 5 weeks ago and thus would now be a tad pointless now.
Were any other readers at any of the fan interaction events across the country? Any cool stories? Do share, if so. You’d make me a happy fellow indeed.
Over and out.
