Greeting jabronis,
It seems every country and planetoid in the galaxy is getting the Survivor Series PPV for free this weekend… apart from the UK that is. Why have the wrestling gods forsaken my people so?
Well, in truth, it’s nothing to do with the wrestling gods and more to do with the fact that WWE had already agreed a long term exclusive rights with Sky Sports for its content before the WWE Network came along. But blaming gods is funnier. Let’s hope it’s sorted swiftly – lord knows WWE needs our money!
The Survivor Series is headlined by a monster traditional elimination match, with the fate of WWE’s very existence hanging in the balance. Allegedly. The build-up on the go-home RAW was pretty heated and WWE was even able to pull out one last surprise with the apparent face-turn from Erick Rowan aligning himself with Cena to add more intrigue to the 10 man battle. (Anyone who was “surprised” by Ryback joining Team Cena doesn’t watch enough wrestling.)
Whilst on the subject of ex-Wyatt Family members – who would have predicted that Luke Harper would get his first taste of singles gold before Bray Wyatt, Seth Rollins, Ryback and Roman Reigns?? Certainly not me, kiddies. Well done him.
Although WWE programming hasn’t made it entirely obvious, there’s a bunch of other matches too. Don’t believe me? Then you really need to sort out your attitude, fella.
My predictions lie-eth here.
New and Improved Fandango vs ????
WWE revealed on this week’s RAW that a “new and improved Fandango” (Michael Cole’s words) will be returning to action in a pre-show bout.
It’ll be interesting to see if the character can evolve beyond anything more than a lower card comedy act (same goes for Adam Rose incidentally). It’s not Johnny Curtis’ fault he got lumbered with a crappy gimmick and I’m hopeful he can shake it off and make an impact. He’s a decent enough performer who deserves another chance to get over.
Presumably he’ll earn a routine victory over the likes of Heath Slater (WWE’s go to jobber now Zack Ryder is injured?), and we can all assess his chances of a second coming in the aftermath.
Pick: Fandango
DIVAS TITLE
AJ (c) vs Big Boobs Bella
It seems mighty obvious that WWE eventually wants to do a Bella v Bella match for the Diva’s Title so that Natural Boobs Bella can seek revenge on her genetically enhanced sister with the gold at stake.
Combining that with rumours abound that AJ’s contract is almost up with WWE (she’ll presumably be heading home to sit and play Super Nintendo with CM Punk all day, every day), it seems the most likely outcome here is Big Boobs Bella will be leaving Missouri with the sparkly pink belt.
If there’s one thing I know about ALL women, it’s that they love sparkly, pink things.
Pick: Big Boobs Bella wins the title
TAG TITLES FATAL FOUR WAY
Goldust & Stardust (C) vs Los Matadores vs The Usos vs Miz & Mizdow
Goldust and Stardust seemed to get a lot more TV time before they became the Tag Team Champions. That’s something not right about that, says I.
There’s no doubting that Miz and Mizdow are the most over of the 4 teams here right now, and I wouldn’t be overly surprised to see them pick up the win for a short run with the titles culminating in a split and feud…
… But, with that said, I’m more in favour of siding with The Rhodes Brothers for the win. Cody Rhodes has put some stellar effort into bringing the Stardust character to life, and Goldust continues to turn back the clock. The duo deserve a more heated feud(s) for their efforts before relinquishing the straps.
Pick: Goldust & Stardust retain
ELIMINATION MATCH
Alicia Fox, Emma, Naomi & Natalya vs. Paige, Cameron, Layla & Summer Rae
I’ll be making a sandwich during this match. And then eating said sandwich. I’m thinking maybe tuna and mayonnaise with some fairly thickly sliced cucumber to give it some crunch. And I’ve got some Doritos in the cupboard that I’ll probably have as an accompaniment with my sandwich. They’re Chilli Heatwave flavour which I’m honestly fine with, but if you want me to speak from the heart then I’d probably say that Cool Original is my favourite Doritos flavour.
Pick: Paige survives I guess
Dean Ambrose v Bray Wyatt
My problem with this match is that neither guy needs the loss on their record. Bray Wyatt had just returned from a long absence, whilst the red hot Dean Ambrose has just emerged as the loser in his lengthy feud with Seth Rollins (which was largely down to Wyatt of course). So both guys need the win as badly as I need to stop picking on orphans.
Whilst I’ve no doubt we’re gonna get a mighty entertaining bout here, I think both guys could have benfitted more from picking up some meaningful wins during October/November before feuding with one another. But that ain’t to be.
Looking at the storyline, I’m more eager to believe that Wyatt wins here. He claims to have an abundance of inside knowledge on Ambrose’s childhood and what makes him tick (so possibly hacked his Facebook account?), and I think that will come into play somehow. But this feud will surely rage on for at least the rest of the year, so it will merely be Round 1 to Wyatt.
Pick: Bray Wyatt
ELIMINATION MATCH
Team Cena v Team Authority
I was firmly of the opinion for a long time that The Authority would emerge as victors here, and their escapades as WWE’s mangement faction would continue right up until Wrestlemania.
But then HHH added the stipulation that if Team Cena loses then every member of the gang will be fired. Which is mighty stupid. It’s just too overboard. Nobody believes for an iota of a second that 4 full-time wrestlers (Cena is apparently exempt) are gonna be fired. It’s too far-fetched for fans to buy into.
So now I’m totally flipping my pick and siding with Team Cena for the win. With the monster push Ryback has been receiving of late, he has to be favourite to emerge as a survivor – perhaps on his lonesome or alongside Super Cena. (And, seeing as we’re in Randy Orton’s hometown. a cameo assist from The Viper for the babyfaces is certainly a possibility.)
Of course, if Team Authrotiy does win, that could see a storyline where Vince “rehires” the “fired” babyfaces and commences a war against his daughter and son-in-law which culminates at Wrestlemania. But I hope that isn’t the case. WWE has abused the “fired” storyline far too many times in recent history. To do it five times in one swoop would be a pointless kick in the dick to fans. Stipulations have to mean something – and the stipulation that The Authority would be “no more” is far more achievable.
Not only am I prediciting a win for Team Cena, I’m also sincerely hoping for it too. The drawn-out HHH/Steph promos that we get at the start of every RAW of late are getting out of hand. They’re boring, repetitive and if I have to put up with another one then I’m giving up on wrestling and learning to play the banjo instead. Let’s see Ric Flair or Mick Foley back in a TV role as GM – spreading some timely cheer as we delve into the festive period.
Pick: Ryback and Cena survive
Those are my picks jabronis, please add your own below. I love it when you do.
Let’s hope Lesnar is back for next month’s PPV. I miss him so. And what’s the point in Seth Rollins having a MITB briefcase is there’s nobody around to cash it in on?? There’s no point I tell thee!
Over and out.
