Greetings jabronis,
For a wee bit of festive fun (and because I couldn’t find the inspiration to write about something more meaningful this week), here today I present thee with my favourite WWE entrance themes of all time. Of ALL TIME, says I!
The key words in the paragraph are “my favourites” – you’re not going to agree with me. But if the slim chance that you do agree with me happens to occur, then you gotta hit me up as we should totally party together sometime. Cowabunga!
Before I get going on this – I quickly just want to offer my commiserations to The Mountie. You just missed out, buddy.
10. Chris Jericho - Break The Walls Down
Nowadays, a massive portion of the WWE roster has an entrance theme that kicks off with that particular wrestler’s catchphrase or some inane saying – “I’m awesome” or “Smell my cheese” or something similar. But a decade before it became annoyingly common practice – Jericho’s tune stood out to me by opening with a badass call to arms, instructing us to destroy some brick structures, or, in other words, break the walls down.
I’m well aware that Chris Jericho wasn’t the first ever performer to have such a thing, but regardless, the use of “break the walls down” to signal his arrival was always uber cool to me (along with the countdown timer – I can’ t believe no wrestler had used that in his entrance until then incidentally).
And beyond though – it’s a pretty damn decent track too. I remember learning all the words to it – not purposely, but just subconciously over time. One day I just found myself singing along as Jericho strided to the ring. What a content child I was.
9. The Undertaker - DONGGGGGG
Okay, so the actual music is essentially just your run-of-the-mill spooky background music that isn’t massively inspiring in any way – but, man – it’s the opening dongs that get me giddy!
Judging a piece of music on some opening dongs might sound a bit lame (because it is) but everyone judges Beethoven’s Fifth on the first five bars, and if you can’t beat them, then you’d better jolly well join them. I blame my parents for my defeatist attitude.
There hasn’t, nor will there ever be, a solitary single note of music that can illicit such a maddening crowd reaction and I’m not just talking wrestling here. I’m talking about the history of everything. Ever.
For a wrestling fan, the “dong” sound instantly reminds us of The Undertaker regardless of what setting or surrounding we might be in. Why, just the other day at a friend’s wedding I thought the Dead Man was about to do a run-in when I heard the ungodly note strike. Thankfully, it was just a routine ring of the church bells, and there were no run-ins or choke-slammed brides to report.
8. Honky Tonk Man – I’m Bad
In a nutshell, The Honky Tonk Man’s gimmick could be summed up as “an evil Elvis inpersonator” and therefore this theme was impossibly perfect. It’s like an Elvis song, sung as if he were a heel. Fantastic. His brilliant commentary during the guitar solos are hugely entertaining as well – but me typing them out here wouldn’t do it any justice. You have to hear it.
I heartily encourage all of you to download this right away and put it on your iPods. Hurry!
He’s cool, he’s cocky, he’s bad. Indeed.
7. Billy Gunn – Ass Man
There has to be one or two surprise entries, so consider this one of them. I always found Ass Man to be a hoot because of the utter absurdness of it. The term “Ass Man” has so many potential connotations – feel free to choose which one pleases you the most!
Billy Gunn was pretty effective in the role as the Ass Man. Despite his shortcoming as an actual in-ring performer , Mr Ass was a firm fan favourite during (most of) his WWE tenure and he really knew how to ham it up. As he walked down to the ring and teased exposing his bare butt whilst jaunting to the music always enetertained me so. What kind of a man does that me? Sexually confused perhaps?
True story: I once used the Ass Man theme on a short film I made for a school media project. My media teacher, Mr Woods, informed me that the track was inappropriate because of the excessive use of the word “ass” – “But, Mr Woods,” I cried “Do you not undertand that Billy Gunn is an Ass Man, and thus the excessive use of the word “ass” is wholly justified?”
Unfortunately he didn’t see, and I had to choose a different piece of music. Damn you, Mr Woods. I’ve got two words for you.
6. Randy Orton – Voices
To have an entrance theme that installs meaning into the character it pertains to is always a welcome occurrence. It sounds obvious but it is becoming less and less routine in the WWE. The likes of Shemaus, Edge and Drew McIntyre have their generic rock music entrance themes and yeah, they are admittedly decent enough tracks for the most part, but what does the music do to enhance the character?!
Randy Orton’s rock track is an absolute on-the-money observation of his character – “I hear voices in my head they, talk to me, they undertsand” … not only does it wonderfully introduce the twisted, violent-charged character of Randy Orton, it’s also delivered in a super cool voice that’s great to sing along to. And super cool voices are super cool.
5. John Cena - Basic Thugonomics
This will probably mark the one and only time that John Cena makes my “top 10” of anything list – unless I ever decide to compile the top 10 most annoying wiggers of all time.
I absolutely adored/adore this track, and you know what? I’m not even a rap fan. Far from it in fact. I’d sooner listen to cat coughing up fur for an hour than ever listen to the latest Snoop (or whoever) album. The opening violins, the retro wrestling referencing lyrics, the term “basic thuganomics” itself… I lend my heart to the entire package.
I even had this set as ringtone once upon a time. Yep, I was that much of a fan. Dang – heel Cena was so awesome. And he will be again. One day.
4. The Rock - Know Your Role
Now there were many evolutions and updates of The Rock’s entrance theme but here I’m specifically talking about the earliest incarnation here (or at least the earliest incarnation that I can recall) – The one that starts with “Do you smell what The Rock is Cooking?” (Not: “IF YA SMELLLLL…”) and then repeats the phrase “The Rock Says” over and over until punctuating each stansa with “The Rock says know your damn role”.
Simple, effective, entertaining, infectious and also pretty frikking funny.
3.Hulk Hogan – Real American
It was inevitably gonna be on the list somewhere. I make no apologies.
Timeless, MOR rock music with an epic (in the true sense of the word) chorus and a tune that instantly transports us all back to our childhoods when the power of Hulkamania was an actual real life thing – not just an old man pretending to be super angry in the ring whilst some poor sucker over sold his rubbish offence.
Or if you’re too young to cast your mind back that far… good for you, you spotty, little brat.
2. DX – Break It Down
I believe this was the first ever entrance theme that genuinely made me go out and buy one of those WWE entrance music compilation CDs.
There can be no qualms about it - it’s simply an awesome song. I enjoy the way it incites two crowd pops, first with the question (which I assume is rhetorical) “Are you ready?” and secondly when the cool, whispering bass line is suddenly interrupted with the proclomation to “break it down” … and then it really kicks off.
I have to admit that I enjoyed the track a bit more in the early days when X-Pac, The New Age Outlaws and a more youthful HHH bounced down the ring to it. Watching HBK and HHH jump around to it with their girly glow-sticks in recent times is not acceptable behaviour for two men in their mid-40s. Legends or not.
1.HBK – Sexy Boy
It’s an absolute no-brainer and if you didn’t see this coming in at number one, then shame on you.
Hats off to Jimmy Hart for writing a fantastically infectious tune (and not infectious in an annoying way) that has stood the test of time incredibly well. Beyond incredibly well, in fact. I think this song is partly responsible for Shawn Michaels still referring to himself as the “Heartbreak Kid” even tough he’s the wrong side of 45. The sexy boy theme ensure that in the minds and hearts of all us, he is immortalised as just a sexy boy.
As ever, please add your comments below and share with us your own favourite wrestling tune-skis. There are inevitably some glaringly obvious tracks out there that my hazy memory has forgotten. If you happen to jog my memory and make me wish I had included a track you mention in my top 10, I promise to slam my head on my keyboard until I draw blood in a fiery celebration of self punishment.
Over and out.
