Ah, the Royal Rumble… that one time a year when hardcore wrestling fans, casual wrestling fans, stopped-watching-years-ago wrestling fans and “I just like streaming PPVs for free” fans all join together in one happy unison.
You can talk about Wrestlemania and Summerslam being the “big ones” on the WWE calendar, and the amount of gimmick PPVs seems to expand annually – but if truth be told, the only truly unique event is The Royal Rumble. There’s a joyous level of carnal gratification achieved in watching wrestlers simply try and throw one another over the top rope – and when there is often over a dozen men in the ring simultaneously, the titillation is turned up tenfold.
That, to me, is why the event is so accessible and appealing – even to outsiders. Viewers need no background knowledge of feuds, they don’t have to buy into some ridiculous stipulation and they don’t have to cringe at comical offence. This is just a tale of several large blokes trying to hurl each other onto the floor. Who can’t enjoy that?
Once again joining me to also offer his take on things is fellow columnist Bad News Browne. Say hello!
Bad News Browne: No
Nik: Super! On to the under card…
The Miz v Randy Orton
Nik: Surely very few can be doubting that The Miz will be headlining Wrestlemania this year – and rightly so. Nobody gives more to the company than The Miz (okay, maybe Cena as much as pains me to admit it) and he has been a beacon of welcome light for RAW over the last few months. Alex Riley makes me chuckle too, and anyone that makes me chuckle gets a tip of my cap. Pop Quiz: Has Riley ever won a match on RAW?! I certainly can’t recall him ever doing so.
I kinda feel sorry for Randy Orton as he seems a bit lost in the shuffle at the moment. Despite being in two consecutive main event feuds, he always seems to be playing second fiddle. The Orton v Barrett feud was just some background noise in the Cena/Nexus storyline, and now his battles with The Miz has largely, bizarrely, been overshadowed by Jerry Lawler’s involvement. There’s something truly baffling about giving a fresh push to a 61 year old performer… So baffling in fact that it made certain parts of my brain die and now I have no concept of time. Thanks for that, WWE.
BNB: Personally, I am still hit and miss with WWE’s push on Miz – the only real guy he has been made to look a threat against was Jerry Lawler – when he attacked him from behind no less. I like the idea of ‘The Champ who is beatable’, (after all Ric Flair pretty much made his career out of it, and later JBL) but there will come a point when the fans will not accept The Miz as a credible champ. His mic work has been second to none as usual, and I suppose he did lay a beating on Orton the other week – but still, I don’t feel he is being pushed enough.
Nik: Yeah, I think flukey champion is certainly the vibe they’re going for – not that is necessarily a bad thing. I definitely can’t see Orton reclaiming the strap here – and I genuinely have no idea what WWE might have in store for him come Wrestlemania. A dance-off with R-Truth perhaps?
BNB: Yes, Miz to retain for me also, to build towards The Miz vs Cena at Wrestlemania (I’ll be interested to see how he makes it through Elimination Chamber) . WWE need to build a long-term reign around someone to heat up Wrestlemania, and Miz, by all reports the perfect company man, is the right choice. I doubt it will be clean though.
Picks:
Nik: The Miz
BNB: The Miz
Edge v Dolph Ziggler
Nik: How very refreshing indeed to see some new blood getting a world title shot on PPV. Dolph Ziggler, along with Vickie, has been pretty damn entertaining on Smackdown for the last few months, and credit where credit is due, he’s totally earned his spot here.
That said, now is not a good time for WWE to be experimenting with new champions. Backstage booking brains will be whirring 24/7 as they labour to put together the most salivating Wrestlemania card possible – and I don’t see that card featuring Ziggler as champion. Sure, he could win here and drop it at the Elimination Chamber before the big one… But I don’t see the point in that. Do you? Hmmmm?
BNB: I wouldn’t have predicted this a few months ago, as I didn’t really have Ziggler down as a title contender. But his association with Vickie Guerrero, the REAL Latino HEAT, has been a Godsend for him. He has suffered, like The Miz, in that he has not been pushed strong and looks weak, especially after taking an RKO off Orton this week.
But (and it’s big “but”) I think Ziggler will actually shock the world and win the big one. Edge looks so beaten up and tired right now that I think this could be his last big run.
Nik: Ziggler still needs to pick up a few more big victories before he can shake-off the “midcard act” in my eyes. I think Edge will drop the belt before Wrestlemania – but not here.
Picks:
Nik: Edge
BNB: Ziggler
Natalya v Lay Cool
Nik: Regular readers of my columns will know that I have little to no tolerance for WWE women wrestling (because it’s terrible 97% of he time) but I neglected to fast forward through the interaction between Natalya and Lay Cool on the most recent RAW episode and I was absolutely mortified…
How can WWE, a PG rated product, label it’s babyface champion as being “hefty” and overweight?! Is that really the right message to be sending out to impressionable young girls in the audience? If you’re not skinny you’re gonna be bullied by the prettier girls?
Sure, you could argue that Lay Cool can say it because they’re heels – but it’s not as if WWE are presenting a counter-argument on the show and letting Natalya express that she is happy with her figure (which she should be). WWE should be utterly and unconditionally ashamed of themselves, as should Michelle McCool and Layla for agreeing to spout such harmful crap. I believe WWE did a similar thing to Mickie James a while ago (like I said, I mostly fast forward through all women segments – unless it involves The Bellas and scanty clothing, so my knowledge of the division is thin at best). It’s truly disgusting television, and I hope the fans let WWE know. I’m pretty surprised that Bret Hart has allowed it to happen too, surely he commands enough respect to say “that’s not cool”. Or is that Carlito I’m thinking of?
BNB: I’m not nearly as negative as you on the women’s division. I am actually looking forward to this, being the Lay Cool fan that I am. I think Nattie has been a good advert for the divas championship (fat jokes adside), and with Awesome Kong debuting soon (this will be AMAZING) and Beth Phoenix back in form, as well as a possible push for Gail Kim and the continual improvements of the Bellas, I think the Divas are looking pretty strong right now.
Nik: Ah yes, I heard about the Kong signing. I see a Lay Cool win to set up a feud with the debuting Awesome Kong in a babyface role. Let’s see them make fat jokes at her expense – she’ll pound the crap outta them for real in the parking lot. And Undertaker too.
Picks:
Nik: Lay Cool
BNB: Nattie
The Royal Rumble
Nik: First things first, I’m really not as troubled as many seem to be regarding the bump up to 40 participants to 30. Sure, 90 percent of those involved in the match won’t stand a chance of winning – but at least it gives Primo, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder etc some PPV time… And I’ve always been a “more the merrier” kind of guy. Just ask my many hoes. (I jest, I jest).
BNB: You’ve mentioned to me before that you don’t mind the new 10 man addition, but it makes me a bit angry. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The Rumble is always a big draw, it’s a great format and always excites. WHY CHANGE IT? It smacks of desperation from WWE, who are coming under increasing pressure to improve their performance following a fall in PPV revenue and purchases in 2010. Here’s an idea – stop changing every good idea you have into UTTER OVERKILL. Hell in a cell has been ruined, I don’t really see the need for two elimination Chamber matches, MITB, once one of the main Wrestlemania matches, has been reduced to just another gimmick and TLC has ensured that ladder matches aren’t as rare (and therefore more exciting) than the once were. And breathe….
Surprise entrants?
Nik: I have no problem in seeing cameos from veterans and hall of famers, but I do have a problem when the audience is expected to pop for legends that they see semi-regularly on WWE TV anyway – guys like Sgt Slaughter, Kamala or IRS. I respect what these guys gave to the business, but now their appearances are somewhat yawn inducing. Notable exceptions however are Roddy Piper and Ricky Steamboat. Those guys will always get a pop from me. I’m sure we’ll see one or two veterans have a moment in the spotlight as ever – but I’d be far more cheerier about it if we see some totally unexpected appearances. I’d totally mark out for Chester McCheeserton.
BNB: True words. I can also see the usual legends rolled out – Hacksaw Jim Duggan etc. Nothing too fancy.
Nik: Regarding injuries – I think it’s too early to see a return from Captain Charisma or The Undertaker. I hope with all my vibrant heart that they’ll both return in time for Wrestlemania – but there’s no point in rushing their rehab for the sake of this match.
I do expect to see Evan Bourne return and make a minor impact though – but he will have zero chance of winning the thing. On the other side of the scale (where the heavyweights dwell) I also foresee a return for HHH at the Rumble. The Road to Wrestlemania is upon us and there’s no way Mr Levesque is not gonna want to be a part of it having been out for so long. I don’t see him returning and winning – surely not even he is that selfish – but I do expect him to begin sowing the seeds in regards to his Wrestlemania plans. Maybe he’ll join Randy Orton and R-Truth making it a triple threat dance-off?
BNB: I too see HHH returning on the night (although they should build it up to help buys) and eliminate Sheamus and himself in one go, ala Foley and Orton in 2004. I can’t see him coming in and winning it, although never count him out.
Who will win?
BNB: Arguments can be made for John Cena (because, he is John Cena) and CM Punk. Punk is probably 2nd favourite in my eyes, as he has been on such a roll, to the point where he was presented as Cena’s equal in their Raw match last week. I can just see Nexus/Corre neutralising each other, unless there is a BIG swerve coming….
I am going to stick with my choice from a few months ago, and his name……his name is Alberto Del Rio. But you already knew that. He is getting THE big push, and I really hope they pull the trigger on him The Rumble. He can talk, he can work – he is a new breakout star.
Nik: Taking note of the booking over the last few weeks, in my messy mind, there are just two men who are the favourites to be the last man standing. What are their names? Well if you give me just 2 more seconds, I’ll tell you, you impatient son of a gun.
I wholly believe that the man to claim the Wrestlemania spot this year will be either BNB’s pick Alberto Del Rio or John Morrision.
Del Rio has been my favourite guy to watch over the last few weeks. He has taken to WWE as quickly and effortlessly as Kurt Angle did, and that’s the biggest compliment I could possibly pay him. I definitely see a run as world champion in store from him sometime in 2011, but I perhaps don’t see victory for him here…
You see, I have a theory on John Morrison… remember when he won the number one contender match against Sheamus a few weeks ago, and we all assumed that he’d be battling The Miz for the title at the Royal Rumble PPV, but instead the bout was relegated to RAW? Weeeeeeell, I think that could have been done because “the powers that be” wanted Morrison to be in the Rumble – so that he could win it. And that, along with strong and prominent outings on RAW over the last 4 or 5 weeks, is why I’m going with him as my favourite to bag the win. Go JoMo.
Picks:
Nik: John Morrison
BNB: Alberto Del Rio
Nik: I definitely feel that one of us is right! Cowabunga!
BNB: That’s it from me – just one more thing, an apology for the lack of BNB articles recently, my workload has been obscene. But now I have turned that corner, rest assured my contrary opinions will be back.
Nik: Faaaantastic. Enjoy The Rumble, folks. I’ll be back in a few days with another funsome column to tickle your chops. Please add your own thoughts below. We love it when you do.
Over and out.
