Greetings Jabronis,
So Wrestlemania is here and hey, ya know what, coming from a pretty damn pessimistic wrestling fan, I think the card is looking rather fabulous. There’s at least 3 bouts here that have the potential to be five star outings, and the outcome of several matches is genuinely difficult to foresee – which is the way it should be.
Being the old school fan that I am, HBK v Taker is the match that has whet my appetite the most… And Bret Hart being on the card also makes it a welcome nostalgic, albeit slightly surreal, affair.
I’m really enjoying WWE’s NXT show at the mo, so it’s a minor shame that none of those “rookies” are scheduled to be on the show (though I’m sure some will be in a backstage capacity). I think it would have been cool to throw them all into a Battle Royal – partly for some much needed exposure, and partly because Battle Royals tickle my funny bone just right. But until I get a job as a WWE booker, I’ll just have to be content with whinging about it to you guys.
Anyways, enough of that gubbins, here be my predictions…
ShowMiz v John Morrison and R-Truth
Poor Johnny and Mizzy. The talented pair surely would have both been amongst the favourites to claim the briefcase had they been entered into the Money in the Bank match, but instead they’re lumbered into this somewhat of a “nothing” bout.
I wouldn’t be amazed if this is relegated to a dark match to warm up the Wrestlemania crowd before going live but I sincerely hope not because all the performers involved have been thoroughly entertaining in recent months – yep, even Big Show – and deserve their spot on the card.
I see ShowMiz retaining and (hopefully) a long overdue heel-turn for Morrison at the expense of R-Truth. The guy is just far too handsome to work as a face. Seriously, it may sound weird, but male wrestling fans don’t wanna cheer guys that their partners wanna get jiggy with.
Pick: ShowMiz
Money in the Bank
I always enjoy the big spots in MITB, and I’m hoping, as ever, that Shelton Benjamin will do his very best to steal the show again with a super sick bump.
My only qualm with the way MITB is executed is that you can guarantee that within 3 minutes, 8 of the competitors will be “knocked out” on the outside of the ring by a move that would normally only momentarily stun them whilst 2 others dual it out in the spotlight of the ring – with the 2 guys in the ring being rotated every so often. It’s a problem that I’ve noticed in all previous MITB matches, and now they’ve upped the entrants to 10, I don’t see how it can’t be anything else but much more obvious this year.
Anyhoooo…Most folk will tell you that this a two horse race between Christian and McIntyre… and those folk would be right. Unfortunately, the other 8 competitors are purely filler. Redshirts, if you please.
As much as I’d love to see Christian win, Mcintyre is the obvious pick here based solely on the fact that he is the only one with any sort of storyline going into the match. Don’t be fooled by his squash loss to Taker last week – that was just to dampen the predictability of events. And I fully expect him to cash in his title shot later in the show…
Pick: McIntyre
Rey Mysterio v CM Punk
The hair v mask stipulation would’ve been pretty cool, so it’s a shame they haven’t gone with that. I guess it would have been an identity shift that neither character could have really benefited from.
I’m picking Punk to pick up the victory here. He’s genuinely the best heel in the entire business at the moment, and a big win over Mysterio – resulting in him having to join the Straight Edge Society – would give Punk the opportunity to be even more obnoxious on TV.
Pink: Punk
HHH v Sheamus
This seems a fairly low-key outing for the self-proclaimed “King of Kings” on the grandest stage of the year. Not that I’m complaining of course – it’s refreshing to have him away from the title picture. What would be even more refreshing would be to have him not tuck his T-shirt into his wrestling trunks, but you can’t have everything.
I get the feeling that this match will go at least 15 minutes as WWE (and HHH) do their best to establish the Ginger Ninja as someone that deserves to be hanging with the bigger boys in the title picture. And I fully anticipate those 15 minutes to be a very dull 15 minutes. Sheamus has done nothing to demonstrate why he deserved his rapid ascendancy to a top spot on the roster, and his move-set and wrestling style is no different to 50 other OVW students awaiting their call up the main roster.
HHH doesn’t have a particularly great Wrestlemania win/loss record, so I’m thinking he’ll be looking to chalk up a tick in the win box here, and then he’ll give his buddy Sheamus the win in the rebound match at the next PPV
Pick – HHH
Bret Hart v Mr McMahon
This bout is intriguing for the wrong reasons… Obviously most of us are just hopeful that the legendary Bret Hart doesn’t embarrass himself too much out there. Saying he has ring rust is an understatement – he’s so rusty he’s practically galvanised. And this coupled with the fact that he legitimately can’t absorb any blows to the head (for fear of, well, death), will make it interesting to see what shortcuts they take in order to present an entertaining bout. I expect much stalling to occur, but when Vince is involved, you can guarantee it will be entertaining stalling.
The outcome, however, is wholly predictable – and Vince will tap out to the sharpshooter in the middle of the ring.
I’m more than happy to hear that The Hitman will be hanging around in the WWE beyond Wrestlemania. I’d love it if RAW ditched the guest host gimmick which has long overstayed its welcome and installed Bret as the permanent GM.
Pick: Bret Hart
Randy Orton v Cody Rhodes v Ted DiBiase
Giving Orton the win here would be the wrong thing to do… he’s already a well established main eventer so it would make sense to give one of his former proteges the rub.
DiBiase’s destiny as a future world champion seems virtually guaranteed already. He has the look, the swagger and the wrestling talent (not to mention the bloodline) to be a main player for many years to come.
So with that said, my pick is Rhodes to pick up the upset victory here. He’s the one guy in the bout who’s WWE career isn’t perhaps as easy to foresee – so giving him the surprise victory here and seeing what he can do with the momentum would be an appreciated decision.
Pick: Rhodes
HBK v Undertaker
It’s the match that’s dominated the build-up, and rightly so. This could very likely be the last ever 5 star outing for both legends considering their physical conditions and aging bones – and they will both be well aware of that.
The Undertaker’s streak is more important than any WWE title will ever be – and thus I don’t ever see it ever being thwarted. But, as we all know, retirement stipulations mean zilch in the world of wrestling (isn’t that right, Flair?), so although I’m predicting HBK to stare at the lights again, I fully expect him to be back on TV before the end of the year.
I really hope WWE doesn’t go for the cheap way out and book a draw. If they do, I urge all of you lucky ones that are gonna be in attendance to riot.
Pick: Undertaker
John Cena v Batista
Due to the love affiliation the WWE bookers have with Cena, this will no doubt be the match signing off Wrestlemania.
I think Cena has been booked far too weakly in the build-up to lose here, plus pinning the villainous Batista would put a cheery grin upon the faces of all the kiddywinks as they make their way home to their Hannah Montana duvet covers.
It’s the PG era after all – and don’t you forget it…
BUT… There’s always the chance that MITB winner might gatecrash the celebrations…
Pick: Cena
Edge v Chris Jericho
This, for me, is the hardest bout to predict. If McIntyre (or an alternative MITB winner) does cash in his title shot against Cena, I’m going for Jericho to retain here.
But if Mcintyre doesn’t, then I’m going for him to cash it in here after Edge has won the bout – elevating him to the top heel spot on Smackdown, and giving the ultimate opportunist a taste of his own medicine in the process. How poetic.
So yeah, out of the two title matches, I think this is the more likely to see the MITB winner cash in on… but giving the WWE’s record of shaking up the rosters post-Wrestlemania, it probably won’t be as cut and dry an outcome as some of as may think.
Pick: Edge (Though only for a short Yokozuna-esque Wreslemania title reign)
