WWE Royal Rumble
St. Louis, Missouri
January 29, 2012
By John Canton (Twitter @johnreport)
They aired a video package hyping that the winner of the Royal Rumble gets to go to WrestleMania. Lots of people do, but for now we should only believe the winner does.
Michael Cole welcomed us to the show. He said there are 18,000 plus in attendance. He’s joined by Jerry Lawler and Booker T at the announce table. Cole said the first match will be the World Title match in the steel cage.
They don’t get the video package treatment. That’s probably a good idea since it’s the first match on the card, but they should have done a video in case people didn’t know the story. It’s been a really good story with Daniel Bryan turning into an egotistical heel champion. Daniel Bryan walked out first to boos, followed by Mark Henry to boos and Big Show gets a decent pop. They showed clips of Show running over Bryan’s girlfriend AJ by accident and they showed Friday on Smackdown with Big Show threatening Bryan.
World Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show
Bryan tries to climb right away but Henry pulls him down and Shown knocks him over. Show with a shoulderblock on Henry and then he splashed Henry into the cage with Mark trapped between the ropes and cage door. He did it three times. Bryan tried to climb out the other side, but Show slammed him back in. Bryan was able to dominate the action with a series of quick moves and dropkicks on both guys. Henry yelled at the ref to “CLOSE THAT DOOR!” He beat on Bryan with a slingshot like move into the cage. Show came back with a kick to Henry and then he threw Bryan into the cage a few times. Show headbutts Bryan too. The announcers wonder if Daniel Bryan had a girlfriend before AJ. What about Gail Kim? It’s okay. I have forgot that story too. Booker and Cole each said the same “never had a girlfriend” thing. Henry missed a splash Bryan and Show took Henry down with a Spear. Henry whipped Bryan into the cage twice. Then he followed it up with a side kick. He went for the chokeslam, Bryan countered with a spinning DDT off the ropes. Cover only got one. LeBell Lock by Bryan draws a huge pop. The crowd was chanting for Bryan earlier. Henry broke it up before Big Show could tap out. Henry had control. Big Show got up, hit the KO punch on Henry. Bryan saved. Bryan climbed out. He was at the very top. Big Show stopped him and he climbed to the very top of the cage. Bryan was on the outside, Show was on the top of the cage, holding onto him with one arm and Bryan dropped down to win. Match went about 10 minutes.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
After the match, Bryan did his usual over the top
Analysis: ** It was okay. I thought the finish could have been better, but you knew it would be something flukey like that where Bryan falls out. The announcers called him lucky of course. Kudos to Henry for working through his knee injury. Maybe that’s why the match only went 10 minutes when I was expecting it to go another five minutes more. Show did very well while Bryan was bumping all over the place for the guys.
They did a promo for Elimination Chamber with Sheamus telling one of his stories over clips of EC matches. Cole mentioned before the video that Bryan could headline WrestleMania if he survives Elimination Chamber.
They showed the WrestleMania 28 sign. That was followed up with a video package on John Cena. It’s nice of that kid to get some exposure. That’s sarcasm. The video is good as they play the “Invincible” song that is one of the themes of WrestleMania. I guess we’ll be seeing this video another 80 times in the next two months. Get used to it.
Beth Phoenix, Natalya, Brie Bella & Nikki Bella vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve, Alicia Fox & Tamina
I guess we have an 8 diva tag. Booker’s analysis of this match? “You know you’re going to see a lot of great moves as well as a lot of curves.” Riveting. Cole said Eve was Zack’s girlfriend, so I guess that’s new. I don’t even know or care really. Natalya starts with Tamina. Natalya’s lost almost every match for many months now, even losing in 10 seconds on Smackdown to Aksana. I’m not sure why, but at least she lasted longer here. Eve got a tag, but Natalya drove her to the corner to bring in Beth. Phoenix countered an Eve attack with her knees up. Cole & Booker are arguing over who has more Twitter followers. Cole barely uses the thing. Shut up. Kelly got the hot tag. She did her headscissors, yell crap and bulldog on one of the Bellas. Once Beth tagged out I stopped caring. Kelly goes for a pinfall, so everybody starts brawling. Kelly climbs to the top rope and hits a splash on all the girls that were standing out on the floor. That was pretty cool. You don’t see that very often by the divas. She threw one of the Bellas in, but the Bella avoided Kelly’s offense. Beth tagged herself in and hit the Glam Slam on Kelly at the 7 minute mark.
Beth Phoenix
Analysis: * Cole asked “How dominant is Beth?” We don’t know. She’s barely been on the show for the last month. This was fun because it was plenty of Beth & Natalya, plus the spot by Kelly was pretty cool. I was fine with all of this. Why not advertise it beforehand though? That’s what I don’t get it.
They showed clips of Kane chokeslamming Zack Ryder to hell from Monday.
Backstage, Ryder got wheeled backstage by some random dude. John Laurinaitis welcomed him there. He set up a room for Ryder to watch the show in. Eve showed up, said she hopes Laurinaitis got fired and he said he wasn’t a fan of her attitude. Eve called him an ass, Zack said “woo woo woo you know it” to end the segment.
John Cena came out for his intro. It sounded like more cheers than boos. Cole announced John Cena has passed 10 million fans on Facebook. How many times has Cena logged on or replied to fans? I doubt that ever happens. But hey, he has more fans than the Dalai Lama so that’s something. Why would the Dalai Lama’s people want to read about him on Facebook? That’s my question. Kane walked out for his entrance with the scary mask covering the regular one.
John Cena vs. Kane
The dueling “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants started right away. Cena went for the AA, but he couldn’t do it. It’s the “Embrace the Hate” match. They did the dueling punches, which Kane won and hit his uppercut for a two count. Kane hit a suplex for two. The early story was that Cena couldn’t get offense in on Kane, so when Cena finally gets going, Kane put him down with a clothesline. Kane busted out his move where he smothered Cena’s face with his glove. JC fought out of it and put him in the STF. Kane shoved him off, Cena charged in and Kane put him down with a sideslam as Cole said it was vintage Kane. Kane went to the top for the vintage Kane clothesline that he’s been doing for the past 15 years. Cena avoided the chokeslam, hitting multiple shoulderblocks and then the spinning slam. He went for the “you can’t see me” spot, but Kane grabbed him by the throat. Crowd popped for that. Big boot gets two. The comeback from Cena saw him end up hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle from the top rope on Kane, which is essentially a fist drop. Kane avoided the AA. He threw Cena out to the floor. They brawled all the way up the ramp. Ref counted them out. Math ended at the 10 minute mark.
Match results: Double countout
Amazingly, there was a camera in the backstage area to film them fighting back there. Kane used a chair to the stomach followed by a chair shot to the back. He did another chair shot to the back. Then it was KO time as Cena was on the ground and Kane hit him with the chair one more time. You could tell he protected Cena’s head with it, but the idea was that Cena was KO’d.
Kane realized he was by Zack Ryder’s room. He kicked the door down, went to Ryder and smothered him with his glove. Then he wheeled Zack Ryder, who is in a wheelchair, out to the ring. Well, it’s nice of him to involve the fans like that. He threw Ryder into the ring. Eve came out to beg Kane to stop. He put Ryder up in the position for a Tombstone. The crowd cheered I think because they like the Tombstone. Cena ran out. Couldn’t he limp out? Selling would be okay, John boy. Anyway, Kane dropped him with a chokeslam.
The segment ended with Ryder getting carted out again as the announcers busted out the SERIOUS VOICES~! once again.
Analysis: *1/2 This was an amazing showcase for the Kane character. That’s really what he was. He dominated Cena, then he beat the crap out of Cena. The match was very average at best. I’d expect a rematch at Elimination Chamber with a gimmick thrown in.
By the way, I was told by a lot of people on Twitter that there was a John Report sign as Kane & Cena fought their way to the back. I totally missed it haha. I’m sure we’ll get a screencap of it. Thank you to whoever did it.
Here’s a video package on The Rock to promote WrestleMania 28. Rock talked about how ever since he debuted in WWE in 1996 that his life has been a whirlwind. They showed clips of him traveling the world doing a variety of things. Awesome video package like usual.
The moral of the video packages: The Rock and John Cena are the nicest guys ever. Now pay your money to watch them fight. Or sports entertain.
Drew McIntyre’s music? Of all the people to put in a match at this PPV, they put the guy that has lost five weeks in a row on Smackdown. His opponent? Brodus Clay. The announcers start laughing and overreacting to the girls. Ten minutes ago they were doing the SERIOUS VOICES~! for Ryder.
Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre
Drew complains that Brodus is mocking his business. Drew gets a little offense in, but Brodus comes back with the headbutt, suplex, splash in the corner and the What Da Funk? Crossbody for the win. Match went about a minute.
Winner: Brodus Clay
Analysis: NR A good way to wake the crowd back up after the Kane destruction before it.
Post, Brodus danced with the girls while the announcers marked out for the dancing. I have no idea if Brodus is in the Rumble or if this is all we’re going to get from him.
A commercial aired for Raw tomorrow with Triple H deciding the fate of John Laurinaitis.
Next up was the video package highlighting the Punk/Ziggler/Laurinaitis story. That match is coming up next. Time check is 9:15pmET, so they should get about 20 minutes.
Before the match, John Laurinaitis cut a promo to say he’ll be the referee outside the ring. He called out a ref to handle the action inside the ring. John Cone ran out, so he’s the ref. Dolph walked out with Vickie while they showed JL texting on the outside. There was a loud “CM Punk” chant before the champ walked out. He got a thunderous ovation.
WWE Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler
Let’s hope they get a lot of time in this match. It could be an exceptional match. Before the match, Laurinaitis threw Vickie out as Cole mentioned that she was banned for it from a match on Raw weeks ago. The deal is that JL is trying to do the right thing to save his GM job. Punk went for GTS early, but Dolph escaped. Punk dominated early, sending Ziggler to the floor and diving through the ropes to crash into him. Punk to the top, but Dolph trips him up and Punk crashes down to the mat. Ziggler gets a neckbreaker. He’s working on the neck, which makes sense for his Zig Zag and Sleeper Hold moves. Ziggler dropped a series of elbows onto Punk before grabbing a headlock. Punk tried to fight out, but Dolph was able to put him into the sleeper. Punk threw him off, Ziggler comes back with a dropkick. Dolph went for the Fameasser, Punk caught him and dropped him down with a powerbomb for a great nearfall. That was a great counter spot. Punk hit a swinging neckbreaker followed by the running knee into the corner and then the bulldog spot that follows. He signaled for the GTS. Slingshot by Ziggler, Punk jumped back onto him and Ziggler got a good nearfall. Punk won an exchange of moves with a kick to the head. That gets two. Also a good nearfall as we close in on 10 minutes.
Punk went to the top rope. He hit the patented elbow. There’s the ref bump. You knew that was coming when they put Laurinaitis as the official outside the ring. Punk put Ziggler into the Anaconda Vice, but JL was checking on the ref out on the floor. Ziggler tapped out. That doesn’t end the match because nobody saw it. Punk is furious. Instead of going in the ring himself, Laurinaitis tried to throw the ref in. Ziggler attacked. Punk caught him, put him in the GTS and Dolph’s legs hits JL in the back of the head. Punk hit the GTS. Ref John Cone wasn’t able to count it. Punk yelled at JL, who thought Punk did that on purpose. Punk went for another GTS that Ziggler countered into a Fameasser. Wow what a spot. That was an excellent nearfall. Ziggler went for the Fameasser again, but Punk caught him and gave him the slingshot into the turnbuckle. When Ziggler bounced back, Punk gave him the GTS. Ref John Cone counted the pin, but so did Laurinaitis who ran into the ring to count the pin also. Match went about 15 minutes.
Winner: CM Punk
After the match, they showed Laurinaitis clapping for Punk.
Analysis: ***1/4 The first ten minutes had some really awesome wrestling. The last five minutes had the extra stuff with Laurinaitis involved. I’d love to see those two guys get 20 minutes of pure wrestling, but I doubt that happens. Ziggler was an accessory in this feud. It was all about the Punk/JL story with the idea that JL did the right thing because he wanted to keep his job. That one spot with Ziggler countering the GTS was amazing. He’s probably the best athlete on the roster.
They plugged Youtube.com/WWE coming this week.
Then they aired a video package for WrestleMania 28 again. Lots of commercials on this PPV huh?
Another video package followed. This time it’s the Royal Rumble stats video that they aired this past week on Raw and Smackdown. It’s Rumble match time.
Ring announcer Justin Roberts announced the rules. He said there would be 90 second intervals. Since it’s 9:48pmET at the start of the match that means it will take over 40 minutes for everybody to get in the ring and time to tell a story after they are all in.
Before the match begins, the #1 entrant The Miz is out to talk about how people have doubted him is whole career and he has proved them wrong. He said tonight will be no different. He says he’ll be the first man out there, but he’ll be the last man standing. Finally a good promo about winning the Rumble.
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
The #1 man is The Miz as we know. In at #2 is Alex Riley. Miz dumped out Riley in about 45 seconds. I’ll save the more specific details for the more important people. The #3 guy is R-Truth. I’m getting tweets from people mocking Miz’ fake tan. It is pretty bad. Some are even saying that his tan is staining the ring. God bless HD TV I guess. In at #4 is Cody Rhodes, who I would expect to go far. The heels double team R-Truth during that entire interval. The #5 entrant is Justin Gabriel, who hits a crossbody on Rhodes & Miz at the same time. Not a whole lot going on between the four guys in the ring. Primo is #6, who is one half of the tag team champions along with cousin Epico. Truth knocked down Cody. Miz capitalized and threw Truth out. After the elimination, Truth pulled Miz by the foot, yanked him out to the floor and hit his Little Jimmy finisher. I guess Miz can sit on the floor for a little while. It’s Mick Foley at #7 in a Cactus Jack shirt. He threw out Primo pretty quickly. He hit all of his signature spots on Cody including the running knee in the corner and the double arm DDT. Crowd was loving it all. Del Rio’s music hits, but instead it’s Ricardo Rodriguez in a crappy car as the #8 entrant. There was a loud “Ricardo” chant. He is a trained wrestler for those that don’t know. He’s heavily involved in FCW, which is WWE’s minor leagues. Ricardo teamed up with Foley to throw out Gabriel. That was a bit of a surprise. Ricardo celebrated. Meanwhile, Cody was in the corner while Miz was still on the floor. In at #9 is Santino to do some comedy with Ricardo, who was scared of the cobra. Atomic drop by Santino. Then they did a unique rolling cradle move that sent Ricardo to the corner. Santino gave Ricardo a wedgie. Then he threw him out. Fun performance by Ricardo. In ring, Foley took out Socko and Santino took out the Cobra. Crowd loved it. Epico ran in the ring as #10. Santino gave him the Cobra, Foley gave him Socko and threw him out in a matter of about 20 seconds.
We have four in the ring now. Cody threw out Santino. Foley went after Miz. Cody snuck up from behind and threw Foley out. Mick had a nice run. I liked it. The #11 man is Kofi Kingston. He knocked both down and hit the Boom Drop on both of them. Cody came back with a dropkick to Kingston. The music of Jerry Lawler started up and he’s #12. Lawler hit his fist drop on Miz rather easily. Rhodes threw Lawler out. The #13 man is Ezekiel Jackson. King was already back at the announce desk. They are keeping to the 90 second intervals, so that’s nice. Zeke hits power moves on everybody including a nice side slam on Kingston. It’s Jinder Mahal at #14 as Jackson waits for him while Mahal takes his time to get in the ring. Mahal hit a knee on Kingston followed by a neckbreaker on Jackson. Here’s a surprise with The Great Khali entering at #15. I thought he was gone forever. Nope. He chops Mahal and throws him out. Then Khali throws Jackson out rather easily. Lawler says Khali is a favorite to win. There’s my old joke coming to fruition where they say that the big guys are always a favorite to win even though they rarely win the Rumble. It’s Hunico at #16. Khali chops him down quickly, but he doesn’t get eliminated. The #17 entrant is Booker T, who has one of my favorite theme songs ever. He goes after Cody right away. Cole was criticizing him for being in the match. Kingston skins the cat to avoid elimination. Wow. Kofi almost got eliminated as his hands were on the ground, but his feet weren’t so we made his way over to the ring steps by walking with his hands in a handstand position. I can’t explain it. Wow that was incredible by Kingston, similar to Morrison’s spot last year. It’s Dolph Ziggler at #18, so he works twice at another PPV after failing to win the WWE Title earlier. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is #19 to a huge pop. HHHHHOOOOOO! Tough guy. Huge “USA” chants for Duggan. I think Duggan got the biggest of the match so far. That’s not a good sign when you think about it. Rhodes throws out Duggan. A bunch of guys team up to throw out Khali & Booker at the same time. Oh man, it’s Michael Cole at #20. He takes off his suit to reveal his awful wrestling gear that we’ve seen way too much of. By the way, there are six total in the ring now. Nothing happens as Cole is in the ring because the others are fighting.
It’s Kharma at #21. Wow. I guess she had the baby. I didn’t even know. Cole runs away from her. The announcers pull Cole out. Kharma hit the Implant Buster. Then she threw out Hunico. Dolph recovered to throw out Kharma, so she was only in the match for about a minute or so. Sheamus is #22 to a big pop. There are five guys in the ring now. Sheamus eliminated Cody so we’re down to Miz, Rhodes, Ziggler and Sheamus, who dominates the three other guys. OH YOU DIDN’T KNOW…the crowd went nuts for #23, who is the Road Dogg. He works backstage as a road agent now. He hit his signature punches on Rhodes and the pumphandle slam on Miz. Crowd is chanting “you still got it” to Road Dogg, which probably makes him very happy. It’s Jey Uso in at #24 as Jimmy walked beside him, so I guess he’s not in the match. Uso hit a corner splash on Road Dogg. The #25 spot belongs to Jack Swagger, so we’ve still got the two main favorites of Orton & Jericho to come. There are seven in the ring now: Miz, Rhodes, Sheamus, Swagger, Jey Uso, Road Dogg and Ziggler.
Time for the final five. Wade Barrett is #26 with new theme music. I liked his previous song. Barrett eliminates Road Dogg rather easily. Ziggler hits the Fameasser on Jey Uso, but he can’t eliminate him. We’ve got David Otunga at #27. The match has been pretty average so far. They are going to need a hot finish, but it’s loaded with good workers so they will likely finish strong. The hometown boy Randy Orton is #28, going after Barrett right away and hitting his powerslam on a couple of them. Orton set up Ziggler & Rhodes for his DDT off the ropes spot. Yep, a double DDT. That was pretty sweet. Orton throws out Uso, RKO to Barrett and he throws him out. The #29 spot belongs to Chris Jericho “connecting physically for the first time in two years” says Cole. September 2010 to January 2012 is not that long, Mike. Jericho threw out Otunga rather easily. And yes, he had the jacket on. Cole mentioned Miz being in the match for 43 minutes and Rhodes for 41 minutes. It’s Big Show at #30, so that’s the last man. Sheamus eliminated Swagger, who pushed Big Show and he decked Swagger with the KNOCK THE FUCK OUT~! punch. Big Show cleared the ring of everybody except four: Orton, Jericho, Sheamus and himself.
It’s the final four moment time with Jericho, Sheamus, Orton & Show staring at eachother. Show hit a chokeslam on Jericho, Sheamus hit Show in the back and Orton hit the RKO. Randy eliminated Show. As Randy was celebrating, Jericho dumped out Orton. Final two are #28 Chris Jericho and #22 Sheamus as they both look at the WrestleMania sign.
It’s 10:40pmET with Jericho & Sheamus facing off. Jericho almost got eliminated, but he was able to hang on. He hit a missile dropkick on Sheamus, but Sheamus came back with the Irish Curse backbreaker. He sets Jericho up for Celtic Cross, Jericho hit a clothesline and Sheamus hung on. Jericho hit his springboard corner dropkick. Sheamus hung on again. Sheamus gets back in the ring with a shoulderblock over the rope. Jericho avoided the Brogue Kick and put Sheamus into the Walls of Jericho. Crowd popped huge for Jericho. They are mostly cheering for Jericho. Chris charged in, Sheamus with a back body drop, but Chris held onto the top rope. I like that they’re getting time for the final sequence. They fight up on the top rope. They punched eachother, both fell down on the apron and went back in. Jericho with the Codebreaker. He followed that up with a pin. Oops. Jericho came close to eliminating him again. He slapped Sheamus in the face a few times. Sheamus got angry. He missed the Brogue Kick. They did a spot where Sheamus tried to throw him out, Jericho held on Shawn Michaels style and got back up on the apron. Sheamus readied himself and hit the Brogue Kick. Jericho went crashing to the floor. Sheamus wins at 57 minutes.
Winner: Sheamus
Analysis: *** It’s easy to book a three star Rumble. That’s what this was. They had a few surprises, they had some comedy spots and they had a lot of star power in the end to bring it home. I like that there was a five minute sequence between Jericho & Sheamus, similar to the Michaels/Undertaker one although not as good. It was the same idea, at least. There were no major main event level surprises really. There wasn’t one dominant competitor in the match. The Miz and Cody lasted the longest, but were easily dispatched by Big Show during his run of eliminations. They protected Randy Orton’s back injury by having him out there as one of the later competitors. He was my pick to win. I’m fine with the Sheamus win. He deserves it and was in need of a push.
Post match, Cole questioned what title Sheamus will go after. I assume it’s the World Title on Smackdown. The show ended with Sheamus celebrating.
————–
I give the Royal Rumble a 6 out of 10.
Five Stars of the Night
1. CM Punk – Nice work as usual.
2. Daniel Bryan – Continues to do a great job in his heel role.
3. Kane – Not for the match. More for the overall performance. He was a total badass here.
4. Dolph Ziggler – Awesome like usual.
5. Kharma – Welcome back. Great moment.
The show was pretty good, but not great. I enjoyed the Rumble match like I always do. There was nothing in it that was a huge shock except maybe Kharma, but even then it only lasted about a minute. It’s not like 2008 when Cena returned or 2010 when Edge returned with both of them as winners.
My favorite moment was when Kharma returned. I had people ask me if she’d be back for it, but I had no idea when she was going to have the baby. Obviously that’s already happened. It was nice to see her back. I’m not sure if she’ll be back full time. If she is the then the Divas division got a lot more interesting, that’s for damn sure.
I question the video packages they did about Cena & Rock. While I understand that they want to push the main event of WrestleMania 28 in a major way, why debut them here? Those would be better suited for Raw, where you know we’re going to see them anyway. I would have given more time to the World Title & WWE Title matches instead of those videos. I’m not knocking the quality of the videos because they are awesome. I’m just saying that maybe it wasn’t the right time to debut them.
Congrats to Sheamus. Fellaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh sorry I guess my “a” key was stuck there. Not really. I just love the “fella” yell. As my buddy Cody Dodson pointed out, last year Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan was a dark match at Mania. Turned into a battle royal. Now they are World Champ & Rumble winner. What’s funny is that earlier in the day on my Facebook page I asked people to pick a number from 1-30 for the Rumble winner. I picked 22. That was Sheamus’ number. Damn, I wish I was at the casino today.
What do these results mean for the future? I would assume that Sheamus challenges Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania although I could see it being a triple threat with Randy Orton possibly involved, or maybe even a four way match. There are a lot of options. On Raw, my hope is that Punk holds the WWE Title until WrestleMania, Jericho wins a number one contender’s Elimination Chamber match and he gets the title shot at WrestleMania for Punk’s title.
How would you rate the 2012 Royal Rumble on the 1-10 scale?
I’ll be back live at thejohnreport.net for Monday’s live edition of Raw and then on Wednesday I’ll post the first WrestleMania recap, which is of course WrestleMania 1. I think I’ll be posting them every Mon, Wed & Fri so be on the lookout starting this week. I have no idea (yet) who brought “The John Report” sign that was seen during the Kane/Cena match, but when I find out I’ll thank that person. I’ll get a good screencap of it and post it in the Raw Deal tomorrow. Any time I see that happen I have to share it. I really do appreciate it.
Thanks for reading.
John Canton – [email protected]
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