– Tonight’s WWE RAW opens up from the Izod Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Triple H’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring as Michael Cole welcomes us to RAW. I could be wrong but it sounds very much like Lilian Garcia doing the ring introduction for Triple H.
Triple H jokes and tells the crowd not to suck up to him because he’s the only RAW guy here. Triple H talks about the volcano erupting in Iceland and the travel issues around the world. Triple H with some comedy here. Triple H says the entire RAW roster is stuck in Europe. Triple H cuts a promo on Sheamus and their Extreme Rules match this coming Sunday. Triple H goes on when CM Punk’s music hits and out comes the Straight Edge Society.
CM Punk, Serena and Luke Gallows enter the ring. CM Punk says New Jersey sucks. He says with the Draft next week, he may no longer be a part of the SmackDown crew. Punk says if he comes to RAW, he’s bringing the Straight Edge Society with him. Triple H mocks them only having two members besides Punk. Triple H asks why doesn’t Punk have to shave his head like Serena and Gallows. Punk says he is the leader and asks why Triple H is questioning him. Punk says his hair is special, no foreign chemicals has ever touched his hair. Triple H says he must mean shampoo and soap. Triple H brings up Punk’s hair match against Rey Mysterio at Extreme Rules.
Punk says he is going to crush Rey at Extreme Rules and then, everyone else will fall in line. Punk says Triple H needs to let some straight edge into his heart. The crowd starts a “you suck” chant. Triple H says he doesn’t believe in what Punk believes in, he believes in freedom. Triple H goes around ringside with the fans and talks about one guy being able to buy as much beer as he wants because he’s free. Triple H finds two older guys sitting together and jokes about them being gay together. Triple H points out Lilian Garcia at ringside and says if she wants to come back to WWE for just one night to “horse around”, she can do it. Triple H says that’s the beauty of a free country – people can do as they choose. Triple H says if he wants to beat the crap out of Punk, he can. Punk says he doesn’t want to be here tonight. He thought he could come out here and Triple H would want to be a part of something big. Punk thought Triple H would shave his hair and join the Straight Edge Society. Punk says he’s not asking, he’s telling. Gallows attacks Triple H but he fights them off and goes for a Pedigree. Punk stops the Pedigree with a kick to the head and they start beating down Triple H. Serena even gets some shots in. Punk hits Triple H with a series of shots while Gallows grabs a chair. Serena grabs some clippers and they go to shave Triple H’s head. Rey Mysterio’s music hits and out he comes. He takes out Gallows and Punk. Triple H gets up and they send Gallows to the floor. Rey grabs the clippers now. Punk turns around to a right hand from Triple H. Triple H holds Punk while Rey shaves a little bit of Punk’s hair off. Punk flees from the ring and heads up the ramp with Serena and Gallows. Rey holds up Punk’s hair in the ring as we go to replays.
– Cole plugs tonight’s hosts, the cast of MacGruber. Lawler says we will hear from John Cena via satellite next. We go to commercial.
Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy
Back from the break and Matt Hardy is already in the ring with the WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre. The bell rings and Hardy goes to work on Drew. Hardy hits a neckbreaker and clotheslines Drew over to the floor. Hardy comes after him and continues the offense.
Drew kicks Hardy in the gut and then back into the steel steps. They bring it back in the ring with Drew in control. Hardy counters with a side effect and a 2 count on Drew. Hardy with another neckbreaker and a 2 count. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate but Drew counters and goes for his DDT. Hardy counters it and they go back and forth some more. They collide and both go down. Drew pulls Hardy off the top rope, causing him to hit his head on the mat. Drew gets the pinfall for the win.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
– We go to ringside with Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. They show us a satellite video of WWE Champion John Cena from Belfast, Ireland. Cena apologizes for he and the RAW crew not being able to be there tonight. Cole asks about Extreme Rules. Cena says he is ready for Extreme Rules regardless. Cena talks about Batista and says he will be the last one standing and be the WWE Champion on Sunday. We go to commercial.
– Back from the break and we get a replay from last week of Vladimir Kozlov talking about the cast of MacGruber. Kozlov is in the ring now. He tells Jerry Lawler to come in the ring and read a statement he has. Kozlov’s statement says he is protesting the unfair treatment he has received from the RAW hosts. He says he is an elite athlete who deserves elite competition. Kozlov says they are all spoiled Americans. Lawler reads Kozlov’s statement that starts ripping on the people of New Jersey. Kozlov takes the mic back and says he wants proper competition. The MacGruber theme plays on the big screen and out comes two of the characters from the movie. The MacGruber guy is holding a large American flag and the Vickie character is holding a smaller one. Vickie says that Chris Jericho will team with CM Punk and Luke Gallows to take on Edge, Triple H and Rey Mysterio tonight. MacGruber defends the state of New Jersey. MacGruber insults Kozlov. Kozlov threatens him if he insults him again. MacGruber starts ripping on Kozlov’s mother and her uterus. Kozlov says he won’t et angry, he will just destroy MacGruber later tonight. MacGruber informs Kozlov he will be wrestling R-Truth tonight. Out comes Truth rapping. MacGruber talks about rigging the building with explosives. He and Truth exchange “what’s ups” when a huge explosion comes from the stage. R-Truth has just been blown up. All we see is Truth’s shoes smoking. Kozlov tells MacGruber he will see him later tonight and will destroy him. MacGruber seems scared now. Kozlov’s music hits and he heads to the back as MacGruber and Vickie look on.
– Lawler says we will hear from Randy Orton via video after this next commercial. Back to break we go.
– Back from the break and we see MacGruber struggling to get out of an exit door. Triple H walks in. He points out that MacGruber has pissed in his pants. MacGruber says it’s just water. MacGruber is nervous about his match with Kozlov tonight. MacGruber says a friend of his actually pissed his pants and MacGruber volunteered to wear his friend’s piss pants, being a good friend and all. Kane walks in. MacGruber says that’s his friend. Blah. MacGruber walks off to end this segment finally.
– Lawler and Cole talk about Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger at the Extreme Rules pay-per-view. We go to Randy Orton on video from Belfast, Ireland. Orton says wherever he ends up in the Draft is where the World Title will be at because he’s winning at Extreme Rules. We see Jack Swagger walking backstage as we go to commercial.
– Back from the break and out comes the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger. Swagger tells Randy Orton that talk is cheap when you’re 3,000 miles away. Swagger says if Orton was here tonight, he would show him. Swagger calls for a referee and tells Orton he better be paying attention. Swagger issues an open challenge as the referee comes down. Nobody comes to accept Swagger’s challenge until the lights go out and here comes The Undertaker.
Jack Swagger vs. The Undertaker
Undertaker makes his way out to the ring to a nice pop. Swagger stands at ringside looking a bit worried. The bell rings and they lock up. Swagger strikes first. They go back and forth until Taker hits Old School on Swagger. Swagger turns it around and starts stomping on Taker. They go to the floor. Taker uses the steps on Swagger. Taker goes to throw Swagger into the steps but Swagger reverses it and throws Taker’s knees into them. Swagger gets back in the ring.
Taker comes back in the ring but Swagger keeps control of the match. Taker sends Swagger through the ropes and back out to the floor. Taker lays Swagger on the apron and hits the big running leg drop. Taker continues with the offense and gets a 2 count as we go to commercial.
Back from the break and Swagger is working a submission on Taker. They go back and forth on the mat. Swagger starts dropping elbows on Taker’s leg. Another submission on the leg by Swagger. Taker counters and kicks Swagger out to the floor. Swagger pulls Taker down and uses the ring post on his knees. They come back in the ring and Swagger gets a 2 count. Taker and Swagger trade right hands now on their feet. Taker gets the upper hand until Swagger goes back to his legs. Taker hits a big DDT on Swagger for a 2 count.
Taker hits Snake Eyes and a big boot on Swagger. Taker with the leg drop for another 2 count. Taker goes for the chokeslam but Swagger fights him off. Swagger runs the ropes but gets hit by another big boot from Taker. Swagger counters Taker but hits a sloppy DDT. 2 count by Swagger. Swagger goes back to stomping on Taker’s knee. Swagger goes for the big splash out of the corner but Taker grabs him for a chokeslam and hits it out of nowhere. Taker is noticeably favoring his knee here. Taker hits the Tombstone on Swagger for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: The Undertaker
– Taker poses in the ring as Lawler and Cole plug tonight’s main event. We go back to commercial.
– Back from commercial and we get the trailer for MacGruber featuring several WWE stars.
– We go backstage with Chris Jericho and the Straight Edge Society. Punk is wearing a towel on his head. Jericho says if they stick to his plan tonight, everything will go just fine. Jericho walks off and sees Vickie and MacGruber from the movie. They say he was the best part of the movie. Jericho says the directors are looking to do a sequel with him in the title role. Jericho sings his own theme song for the movie. MacGruber asks Jericho for advice on his match with Kozlov tonight. Jericho tells MacGruber to go in the ring and shake Kozlov’s hand but smack him in the face. MacGruber hugs Jericho and thanks him for the advice. Vickie and Jericho flirt before they walk off. We go to commercial.
Vladimir Kozlov vs. MacGruber and Khaluber
Back from the break and Vladimir Kozlov is in the ring waiting. We see a replay from earlier where R-Truth was accidentally blown up by MacGruber. Out comes Vickie and MacGruber from the movie. They come face to face. MacGruber extends his hand but smacks Kozlov. Kozlov grabs him and starts hitting him with headbutts to the chest. Kozlov lifts MacGruber up but actor Ryan Philippe comes out and stops things. He says he got this match changed to a handicap match and introduces MacGruber’s partner… Khaluber. It’s The Great Khali in a blonde wig. Khali comes down and goes at it with Kozlov. Khali works Kozlov over until Kozlov fights back. Vladimir comes off the ropes and gets decked by a big chop from Khali. Kozlov goes to the ramp holding his head. Khali comes after him and they’re both counted out as they head to the back. MacGruber and Khaluber are announced as the winners by countout.
Winners: MacGruber and Khaluber
– After the match, MacGruber celebrates in the ring with Vickie and Ryan Phillipe. MacGruber talks about how good the United States is and plugs the movie. We go to commercial.
Triple H, Edge and Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Chris Jericho
Out first for tonight’s main event comes Triple H. He enters the ring and Sheamus appears on the big screen from Belfast, Ireland. Sheamus says Triple H missed the attack on Kofi Kingston last week so he’s going to repeat it for him. Sheamus kicks a WWE crew member in the head and starts stomping on him. We go to commercial.
Back from commercial and out comes Triple H’s partners Edge followed by Rey Mysterio. Out next comes Serena, CM Punk and Luke Gallows followed by Chris Jericho. Jericho starts the match out with Mysterio. The bell rings and Jericho strikes first. Rey goes for a 619 early on but Jericho slides out to the floor. Triple H dumps Rey over the top rope onto Gallows, Punk and Jericho as we go to commercial.
Back from the break and Punk goes at it with Mysterio. Gallows comes in and then comes Jericho back in. Rey fights back with kicks to Jericho. Jericho catapults Rey into the corner. Rey comes back again and hits a moonsault for a 2 count. Edge and Gallows are tagged in. Edge with a big boot and a shoulder off the ropes. Edge counters Gallows and drops him with a DDT. Edge goes to spear Gallows but Serena gets on the apron and distracts the ref. Jericho knocks Edge off the apron before Triple H comes to make the save. Edge is selling the ankle injury now. Punk is tagged in now and goes to work on Edge’s leg. Jericho and Punk are tagged in and out with the focus still on Edge’s ankle. Gallows comes back in but Edge fights him off and tags in HHH. Punk is also tagged in. Triple H unloads with clotheslines and the usual for a 2 count. Triple H hits the spinebuster.
Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Gallows makes the save. Everyone comes in and Jericho ends up on the floor. Rey hits 619 on Punk. Triple H grabs Punk and hits the Pedigree for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: Triple H, Edge and Rey Mysterio
– Triple H, Edge and Rey Mysterio pose for the fans as RAW goes off the air.
