Welcome to the Raw Deal. Before we get to this week’s show, here’s my recap of WWE Bragging Rights plus Lesnar-Undertaker rumors. Congrats to Smackdown for winning the COVETED TROPHY~! and for having the rights to brag. Read that if you haven’t already and then get back here to read about this week’s Raw.
Live from Green Bay, Wisconsin this is the Raw Deal.
The Nexus came out with purple boy John Cena with them. They talked about taking out Undertaker, but wouldn’t say why they did. Probably because Undertaker vs. Barrett is a possible match at WrestleMania. That’s why. They showed pics from Bragging Rights where Cena gave Barrett the AA to keep him from winning the title, but he won by DQ. Then they mentioned how Cena & Otunga were tag team champions while not mentioning how much of a joke the tag division is. The GM buzzed in and said Orton vs. Barrett is happening at Survivor Series with a special guest ref. Orton will face a member of Nexus later. Wade picks Cena, so we get Orton vs. Cena again. In case you’re wondering, the last Cena vs. Orton match was on 9/18 with Orton winning that Tables match. Otunga grabbed the might complaining about Cena from Bragging Rights. He said Cena should be fired. Wade says no, but they will defend the tag titles against Slater & Gabriel. How is Wade able to make that match too?
Tag Titles: Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel d. John Cena & David Otunga (NR)
Otunga is told to lay down by Barrett. He doesn’t want to, but he does it anyway. Slater pins for the win. Cena’s furious about titles being bastardized like that. Yes, I’m sure he cares about the tag titles that much. How will he sleep now? I guess it’s better to have the belts on an actual team. I don’t know why they needed to be moved off of Cody & Drew, though. It was decent storytelling that showed Barrett’s powers.
Vickie came out with Kaitlyn to say SD’s great night at Bragging Rights was ruined by Daniel Bryan. So we got a rematch. Fine by me.
Daniel Bryan d. Dolph Ziggler (***1/4)
Awesome. I gave the Bragging Rights match **** and this one was really good too. It didn’t get as much time, but it told a good story. I think Bryan’s showing a lot of people just how good of a worker he is for those that didn’t know before. The guy can do it all. I was impressed by Ziggler too. They have great chemistry. Bryan won with the Lebel Lock even though Vickie put Dolph’s foot under the bottom rope. That would suggest a rematch, I think. Fine by me. Line of the night was by CM Punk, who was on commentary. He put over William Regal training Bryan in addition to HBK, saying all HBK did was take $3,000 from him. Haha. Awesome. Punk is so great on commentary. And yes, I marked the fuck out seeing Punk vs. Bryan like that. They have had great matches before in ROH. I want to see that feud. Looks like it will happen.
We saw a WWE WrestleMania Reading Challenge event. Another “watch us kiss our own ass before the election” video. That’s nice.
Hey it’s the Bellas hanging out with a guest star, Toby Keith. That’s nice. Santino comes in wearing cowboy gear and he sings about spaghetti. Not as funny as usual from Santino. Sheamus comes in, disgusted. That’s a match for later.
Backstage Cena was all sad about losing the tag titles that he never really cared about. Barrett told him to shut up, don’t do anything stupid and listen to him because later he has an offer for him that he can’t refuse. The Godfather wasn’t British.
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Laycool d. Melina & Gail (NR)
One minute. Melina hit a few moves, Layla got rolled up, Michelle tagged her and then booted Melina in the face for the win. Gail never tagged in of course. Melina is deep in the doghouse. I don’t know why, but she is. I’d expect Beth Phoenix to be back very soon. I wish Natalya was in the title picture, though. She’s my favorite. I’m very tired of Laycool. They have dominated this division for far too long. It’s not interesting.
The announcers plugged the vote next Tuesday. That’s nice. I live in Canada. Don’t give a shit. Can Linda give me the $45 million she spent on the campaign that she’s not losing? I could use it.
The Miz came out to talk. He talked about how Team Raw let him down and how he was great because he was on the cover of the SDvsRaw 2011 video game. I wasn’t the only one to hear The Miz say “Monday Right Raw,” right? I guess that’s why I got all these Scooby Doo comments on Facebook and Twitter. I like him, but he clearly fucked up there. Eve came out. Why Eve? I guess because if anybody is going to talk shit it’s the chick that barely talks. She ripped on Miz pretty good. I give her credit. Best Eve moment ever. Plus she didn’t have to throw those dropkicks that never connect. She called him a 15 minute flash in the pan, brainless, half-witted, uninspiring, frog-faced loser. I miss college. They went back and forth some more. It was pretty good. I’m shocked that Eve showed personality! Riley told her to get to stepping and as she did R-Truth’s music hit. Cole immediately groaned. I actually miss the “What’s Up” song. Lawler of course loves the song. Nothing says hip like a man in his 60s loving songs about getting crunk.
The Miz d. R-Truth (**1/2)
It was a solid match that got about 10 minutes. They both worked really hard and there were a few minor fuckups, but for the most part it worked. They had Riley get involved, which led to Eve bitchslapping him. I miss college. What, two times in a column? Anyway, Riley stalked her, so Truth dropkicked him. That allowed Miz to beat Truth with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. That’s how they like to book Miz. He has lost at three straight PPVs, but then he looks strong the next night on Raw.
I know the Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 game came out today in North America. I don’t really play video games anymore. Used to. Not anymore. However if you’re playing the game and you want to create me here’s what you do. I’m 6’2″ and I weigh 205 pounds. For a theme song I want the Bellas song naturally. “You can look but you can’t touch” is like my national anthem. Then I want R-Truth’s entrance so I’m rapping the song on the way to the ring. I don’t care about pyro or anything like that. Feel free to be creative on your own in that regard. For a finisher I’d go with a Frog Splash in honor of Eddie Guerrero. My natural rival? Mark Henry of course. And if somebody uploads a video like that, then sends me the youtube link (email is [email protected]) I’ll be glad to post it in a future column. Or stick it on my Facebook wall if you want. If there are enough of them I’ll post five or six good ones, then throw up a poll and people can vote. The winner gets to pick a column that I will write.
Guest star Toby Keith came out. He sucked up to the locals. Then he introduced Sheamus vs. Santino. Can we end the guest stars all together?
Santino d. Sheamus (1/2*)
You read that right. Morrison came out, distracted Sheamus a bit and that allowed Santino to score the win with a rollup. I don’t think this means Santino is getting pushed or that Fella is getting buried. I guess this sets up a Morrison vs. Sheamus feud. That’s cool with me because they had that great match on Raw a month ago and Sheamus could elevate Morrison in that feud. Is there anything better on Raw than Santino’s celebrations? I don’t think so.
They had another “let’s kiss our own ass” video as WWE stars talked about their dream job being in WWE. That’s lovely. I’m sure it’s true in a lot of cases. They should have had Gail Kim there talking about how she liked TNA more, but because they pay their talent so poorly she went back to WWE to stand around watching less talented people. Sorry. I’m a Gail fan. Gotta support the Canadians!
Then Cole and Lawler talked about how much they loved WWE. Cole even kissed Vince’s ass. And people wonder why they stick Michael Cole on every show? It’s right there, fella. VINTAGE SUCKING UP!
I love how Nexus was backstage and Otunga asked to talk to Barrett alone…in front of millions of people watching. That’s alone time. Wade understood Otunga’s frustration, but he needed to know if he’s with them. “I’m Nexus,” Otunga told him. Barrett introduced McGillicutty and Harris as Nexus guys. That’s fine except I thought this was alone time, so did I actually see them being introduced? I’m so confused! They need more people in Nexus, so that’s fine. Like I’ve said before I love how Kaval won NXT 2 and he’s buried on Smackdown while 3 of the losers are in major angles on Raw (Riley, plus these two). What a prize!
Kane will have Undertaker’s funeral on Smackdown this week. Wouldn’t be the first one. Am I allowed to remember the Undertaker getting taken out over the years? I don’t know.
They plugged Pee Wee Herman guest hosting Raw next week. Does anybody under the age of 20 know who he is? I do because I saw the TV show over 20 years ago when I was a kid. I don’t know if I liked it or if I wanted to beat the shit out of that guy. I think some people know him more for being arrested for masturbating in public. And why does Jerry Lawler love him exactly? That’s just wrong. Oh right, Lawler loves every guest star. They are all amazing. I forgot.
John Cena d. Randy Orton via DQ (**3/4)
A good match. I groaned at the prospects of Orton vs. Cena #467, but they worked their asses off for 15 minutes and told a good story. It’s rare to see guys kicking out of finishers like Orton did. Doing a match like this on free TV plus having guys kick out of finishers is a bad way to sell PPVs because why would somebody pay money when you do PPV like things on TV? I know. I’m thinking too much. I could see the finish a mile away. It was just like the night before. Orton hit the RKO on Cena, who rolled to the floor. Orton set him back into the ring, setting him up for the kick. In this case it was Barrett hitting Cena with a clothesline on the floor to give Cena the win. Post match, Barrett announced that the special guest ref for Barrett vs. Orton at Survivor Series would be Cena.
The deal is if Orton wins then Barrett will fire Cena. If Barrett wins the title then Cena is free from Nexus. Cena sold his happiness for a moment, but then he was all sad because he realized for Barrett to win that would mean Orton would lose. I guess we’re supposed to think they’re friends. Didn’t Orton try to kick him in the head during the match that took place tonight? I guess the deal is that Cena’s such a nice guy that he’d be unable to help the bad guy win. Get ready for four weeks of “what will he do?” questions.
What can they do at Survivor Series? You have Barrett win the belt, Cena is officially out of Nexus and he can attack Barrett post match to take out his frustrations. Maybe he can put him in the STF or the AA. Then you have The Miz’ music hit, he comes out, pins Barrett, wins the title and the Nexus angle ends freeing Cena to feud with Barrett while Miz defends the title against Orton. I’ve already had people on Facebook and Twitter send similar ideas to me. I’m sure many others are thinking it. It works.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Dolph Ziggler
3. John Cena
Worst Moment of the Week
The divas match. They really don’t give a shit about that division. Now more than ever.
7 out of 10
Last week: 5
I liked the show. There were three good matches in Ziggler/Bryan, Truth/Miz and Cena/Orton. Then you had some strong promo work by Barrett and even Eve did a good promo. More shows like this would be nice. Solid wrestling mixed with good storytelling. That’s what we want. Not too much to ask.
Hey, guess who misses Chris Jericho? This guy! Yep. Sure do. Come back soon.
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