Live from Long Island, NY this is the Raw Deal.
They started the show with WWE Champion Randy Orton slithering his way to the ring. He was worried about Survivor Series and said if he loses a match that’s fine, but he loses because of a crooked referee that’s not acceptable. He wants Cena to tell him what he’s going to do. Cena comes out in the purple and goes over the stipulations a bunch. If Barrett beats Orton then Cena is free from Nexus. If Orton beats Barrett then Cena is fired. Cena goes on some rant saying Nexus has taken over WWE. They have? At least Cena put over that Barrett might be able to win the belt on his own, but he doesn’t operate that one. He’s a big meanie, says Cena in his own verbiage. Barrett comes out and says Cena can talk all he wants for now. Orton called Barrett pathetic. He dared him to fight. The GM buzzed in to say that tonight’s main event is Orton & a partner vs. Barrett & a partner with Cena as ref. It’s the GM’s way of showing us what Cena will do at Survivor Series. It was a decent 10 minute opening segment. It felt like it dragged a bit, but they got their points across.
Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel d. The Hart Dynasty (*1/4)
No Natalya out with THD. I guess she’s frustrated by their arguments. The story was that THD wasn’t getting along. Tyson tagged DH in by slapping him hard rather than being friendly about it. They were in control of much of the match despite their problems. Things broke down with DH on the floor. Slater shoved him into Gabriel and while that was happening Tyson was running the ropes. He did a flip, landing on DH by accident. Gabriel went back in, Slater distracted Tyson and Gabriel finished him off with the 450 for the win in about 4 minutes. We still don’t know who the heel is in THD’s split. I’d vote for DH with Tyson as the athletic babyface.
Backstage, R-Truth talked to Cena about all the things on his mind. Riveting. Not really.
Edge vs. Del Rio on Smackdown this week. Good match. In case you don’t know I’m not covering Smackdown anymore, but my buddy Christian Michael is handling it for us at thejohnreport.net. I’m writing about TNA Impact on Fridays now.
Sheamus came out talking about last week’s fluke loss to Santino. He wants to fight him again, but Santino claims he is sick from eating too much Halloween candy. He said if he wrestled him he’d throw up, so he found a suitable replacement: Vladimir Kozlov. In a comedy spot, Kozlov said Sheamus talks funny and now he must crush him.
Sheamus d. Vladimir Kozlov (1/2*)
Sheamus crushed him in just under two minutes. Kick to the head and it was over.
After the match, he went after Santino, who tried to give him stuff to prevent the beating. He tried candy, money and his American Express card. They went up to the ramp. Sheamus was about to finish him off when John Morrison came out shirtless (because who doesn’t walk around shirtless?), kicked Sheamus in the gut and saved sleeping beauty from the grasps of the beast. Then Santino did his awesome celebrations. Nice build to Morrison vs. Sheamus. It’s funny how the guy that’s been in WWE for less than two years (Sheamus) is being used to put over the guy that’s been in WWE for about 6 years.
Backstage, Randy Orton was walking down a hallway when R-Truth came up to him. Randy picked him as his partner for later to see what Cena would do if he had to ref a match with his friend in it. What a viper. I don’t know what that means.
Backstage, Mark Henry spoke on a phone to Pee Wee Herman who was right beside him. He was sad that his partner Evan Bourne was hurt. Then they hung up and he told Pee Wee that he was his idol. Then he hugged him. If this took out Pee Wee the rest of the night then KOOL-AID~! would really be my favorite wrestler. Instead, a game of Twister broke out involving Henry, Eve, Melina, the useless Bellas and then a guest spot by Lita. She was in the NY area, so I guess she popped in for a visit. I don’t expect her to be back regularly. She’s moved on. She looked good.
Two quick things. First off, November 10 is the one year anniversary of The John Report Wrestling Blog at thejohnreport.net. That’s pretty cool. Went into it not knowing what would happen. A year later we’ve got over 1.5 million page views and looking for more. Thanks for all the support. Also it’s my birthday on November 4th, so check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport and I’ll be sure to humiliate myself in some way on that day. That’s how I roll. I have a lot of fun. Lots of sarcastic comments, plus you’ll get links as soon as I post a column or podcasts.
Ezekiel Jackson d. Zack Ryder (SQUASH)
Zeke won in less than a minute. He’s a babyface. Oh, and Ryder got no pop despite being in his hometown. Even his people know he’s a jobber.
Pee Wee Herman came out. I looked it up and Paul Reubens (the actor that plays Pee Wee) is 58 years old. He must have had a lot of work done to look relatively young. The secret word of the night is “ring.” That’s a gimmick from his show. Yes, I used to watch it 20 years ago when I was 8-10 years old. I admit it, okay! The Miz came out with Riley, much to the delight of Cole, who was standing. He said he never liked him. He was more of a He-Man guy. I liked He-Man too. Miz said “ring” a bunch of times, so the crowed cheered because it was the secret word. It’s not like they cheered that much. Miz & Riley threatened him. Pee Wee said to not threaten “The Pee.” He had his cousin at the show. It was Big Show aka The Big Pee. He was dressed like Pee Wee. What a sight that was. I thought he was a Smackdown guy? Oh right the brand extension doesn’t matter. The GM buzzed in to say it would be Show vs. Miz later on the show.
Big Show d. The Miz by DQ (*1/2)
It was supposed to be Rey against Miz, but Rey has an ear infection and is at home. He might be back next week although with the next set of tapings being in the UK it could be two weeks. They worked about 7 minutes. Nothing special here. You could tell neither guy was going to get the decisive win because Show is booked so strong while Miz is being protected even though he has lost at three straight PPVs. The match ended when Miz hit him with the briefcase. I guess this might lead to a match at Survivor Series or maybe they will lead separate teams although we saw that at Bragging Rights. I have no idea, really.
They had another video kissing their own ass with guest hosts talking about how great WWE is. I hope these stop next week after the election is over.
Backstage, Barrett reminded Cena that he was his bitch. I think that was the point. He told him to clean the room and then scrub his back afterward. They should have people talk about that in the videos talking about how great WWE is. Otunga walked in to say that he has more talent than anybody in Nexus. Cena was sad during all this. Poor guy.
Goldust and Aksana are getting married on NXT tomorrow…on WWE.com. I’ll be recording my podcast at that time. Can’t make it. Thanks for the invite.
Daniel Bryan d. Ted Dibiase (**)
Best match of the night, which isn’t saying much. Bryan always has the best match. Maryse looked awesome in a red dress. Yes I said awesome for a reason. Dibiase got some decent offense in, but I don’t think anybody believed he was going to win. Michael Cole tried to put over a story about how Bryan was staring at Maryse backstage, so she didn’t like him. During the match they did nothing to push that storyline. It was nice to hear that “Daniel Bryan” chant by the LI crowd too. Well done. Bryan won in about 4 minutes with the LeBell Lock. I love how Ted Dibiase needs the Million Dollar Belt. Maybe he doesn’t realize he lost all the time when he had the belt too. Makes no difference, Ted. I think he’s a good talent, but the gimmick sucks.
I might as well throw this news in too. CM Punk’s going to be out about three months with hip surgery. He might be on TV while he recovers, but no matches for about three months. That’s a damn shame. I guess we’ll have to wait for Punk versus Bryan. WrestleMania perhaps?
They had Laycool come out to annoy us. They said Natalya gets one more shot at the title, but only if she beats Michelle on this show in a non-title match.
Natalya d. Michelle McCool (*)
It was decent for a women’s match although the crowd was pretty dead for it. Layla tried to cheat, Michelle hit her with a kick by accident and that allowed Natalya to roll her up for the win. She gets the title shot at Survivor Series. I would assume that the only reason they are doing a third PPV match is to put the belt on Natalya. I hope so. She deserves it as much as anybody.
Backstage, they had Freddie Prinze Jr. (who is back working for WWE creatively) posing as a doctor in a “hospital” treating his patient that has been out for months: Vince McMahon.
Back from break, they went back to the hospital where Vince has been out for months. He woke up. Doctor told Vince that Linda spent $50 million on her campaign to be senator. Vince’s heart rate went up to sell the shock and then he sat up to reveal “vote for Linda” stickers. The doc told Vince the news about Undertaker being buried, Vince asked about Nexus and Prinze said they’re stronger than ever with Cena being in the group. He told him Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married tomorrow and Raw’s been taken over by Pee Wee Herman. Vince said next thing you know Daniel Bryan will be US Champion to which Prinze nodded. Nice reference to the tie angle. Vince got up, then said he had to go to the bathroom and covering his ass was a sticker for Richard Blumenthal aka the guy that’s going to beat Linda in the campaign. In other words, he’s going to shit on him. Then there was a yell in a dark room. It was Stephanie McMahon waking up from a dream. She asked her “honey” if her dad was still in a coma to which Triple H replied (without being seen on camera) that he was still brain dead. So it was all a dream. At first I didn’t like it too much, but on the re-watch some of the lines were delivered really well. It was a campy segment intended to be a joke. That’s what it was. I have the video of it posted at the bottom of this post.
Randy Orton & R-Truth d. Wade Barrett & David Otunga (*1/4)
Cena was the ref. He played the part of an impartial referee throughout the match. They went about 8 minutes with none of the guys standing out. It was a very basic tag match. It’s amazing to me that Otunga has shown almost no improvement in the ring. He’s worse than some guys you might see at an indy show in front of 300 people. The finish came when Otunga tagged in Barrett, but Cena didn’t see it, so he pushed Barrett back to the corner. During all this, Orton snuck in illegally, hit the RKO on Otunga and Truth pinned him for the win. They made sure not to involve Barrett or Orton in the finish as a way to keep them both strong going into the PPV. The show ended with Orton posing with the belt.
Three Stars of the Show
1. The Miz
2. Daniel Bryan
3. Triple H saying Vince is still brain dead.
Worst Moment of the Week
Mark Henry calling Pee Wee Herman his idol.
4 out of 10
Last week: 7
A big step back from last week. I think my rating might be generous. Let’s just forget about this show and move on. I think that’s the best thing for all involved.
I think WWE should put a waiver claim on Randy Moss. He’s tall enough to be a threat in the Royal Rumble, after all.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE7gQvoU0Bc[/youtube]
————
Keep checking out thejohnreport.net for exclusive articles that are only posted on my site, plus the thejohnreport.net podcast posted every Wednesday. We have recaps of Raw, Smackdown, NXT, TNA Impact and soon ROH on HDNet, so give us a look.
Thanks for reading.
John Canton – [email protected]
Visit the blog: thejohnreport.net
Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreportnet
and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport
Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns.
