ThunderStruck: Raw Analysis 03/05/12

Raw opens with Shawn Michaels coming to the ring. What happened to superstars keeping their theme music, anyway? How many superstars have kept the same entrance theme for as long as Shawn Michaels? Michael Cole reminds us that Teddy Long is running the show tonight. Lots of HBK chants for Shawn as he gets in the ring. Shawn says he caused a little trouble a few weeks ago with Triple H. Shawn says it’s all water under the bridge now that Triple H is going to face the Undertaker. Shawn says he is here to find out what made Triple H change his mind. Out comes Hunter.

 


 

They hug. Shawn talks about pushing Hunter a few weeks ago and even calls him an oak for having such integrity to stand his ground. He says he wants to know what made Hunter change his mind. Shawn tells Hunter he doesn’t want him to actually answer the question, but he wants the camera guys to show the footage. They show the Undertaker saying Shawn was always better than Hunter and that Hunter can’t do what Shawn couldn’t do and Hunter accepting the challenge. Shawn says the worst thing that anybody could say to Hunter was that he was better than Hunter. Hunter says it isn’t about who is better. Hunter says he is tired of hearing people say Shawn couldn’t get the job done and that he’s a failure. Hunter says he believes Shawn is the greatest in ring performer of all time. Hunter says he is going to end the streak and he’s doing it for himself and for Shawn. Shawn sarcastically says thanks and talks about telling Hunter he couldn’t end the streak last year. He talks about the fact that he was right. He says he knows who is going to win this year, and he’ll be right again. He says the reason he knows that is because he’s been made the special guest referee.

^Opening the show with the dinosaurs…I mean dying breed…I mean legends was a solid move. I liked seeing the sarcastic heel side of HBK. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen it. Unfortunately, Shawn is continuing to age and he looks like he doesn’t belong anywhere near a ring. Is that hat and hair one piece? Hunter is near the end of his career too. Good promo overall from Trips, but it’s hard to imagine this guy and his wife running the company in the future. I’ll talk more about Shawn’s involvement in the match in just a couple weeks with my predictions column.

Now we have United States Champion Jack Swagger defending his title against Santino Marella. Vickie Guerrero introduces Swagger with Ziggler at his side. Swagger with a combover instead of spikes? He still looks like an idiot. Laurinaitis and Otunga come out as Swagger beats on Santino. Santino gets the upper and and pulls out the cobra. Otunga distracts the ref and Ziggler gets up on the apron and knocks Santino over. Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb on Santino and gets a two count. Teddy Long comes out with Kofi Kingston and Aksana. Long tells Laurinaitis he has no business here as we go to commercial. Swagger goes for the splash and gets “kicked” in the face(near botch by Santino). JL gets on the ring apron and Teddy Long pulls him down. Santino goes for a cobra splash but Dolph hits him from behind. Santino gets up and hits Dolph with the cobra. He goes for Vickie but she jumps down and Aksana knocks her over. Santino aims the cobra at Swagger and Swagger grabs him and applies the ankle lock. Long shoves JL down. Swagger has broken the hold and misses when he charges at Santino and Santino rolls him up for the three count. Winner and NEW United States Champion, Santino Marella!

JL says cut the music because this is his show. JL tells Long he cannot do this on Raw. Long says tonight this is his show. Long calls for security. He tells JL the best thing for him is to get out of this building right now. He tells him to take Otunga with him. Security escorts them out. Justin Roberts announces Santino as the new US Champ. Santino cries and celebrates in the ring.

^This was a fun segment. I’m sure JL running Smackdown will be a nightmare now, but we have a new US Champ in a guy that has a huge fan following. I’m excited, despite the fact that it was a horrendous wrestling match. The storyline was well worked and JL and Long’s feud is reaching a boiling point.

The Rock is shown in a pre taped segment from earlier today. The Rock says it’s time for a history lesson for Cena. He says in 1773, the people of Boston had enough of the British, just like the fans are sick of John Cena. He talks about the Boston Tea Party and throwing Britain’s tea in the harbor. He starts to throw Cena merchandise into the Boston Harbor. He shows the John Cena garden gnome, John Cena alarm clock, John Cena cologne and other items. The crowd is laughing their asses off at what Rock says about each item. He says the revolution begins tonight and the people’s party starts tonight.

^Solid Rock promo to TRY to get the crowd going for later. They didn’t respond with much noise besides laughing at some of the outrageous things Rock said.

It’s time for the Divas match of the night. Alicia Fox is in the ring and Kelly Kelly is on commentary. Eve comes out to take on Fox. This one is over in under a minute as Eve gets a fast rollup victory. Zack Ryder’s music hits and out he comes with a cain. He tells Eve not to bother trying to explain, and he says he’s glad they never hooked up. He says broskis before hoskis and does the WWWYKI chant. The crowd chants hoski as he goes backstage.

^First of all, I’d like to thank WWE creative for keeping that segment short after such a quick and seemingly pointless match. Second of all, I’d like to thank Zack Ryder for giving that segment some purpose with his return. I hope he gets something decent booked before WrestleMania.

Ryder and Eve are shown backstage. She says she has something to tell him. She grabs him and puts him in a lip lock and then walks away. He smiles as she goes.

^Here I thought this storyline was over. Time for WWE to make Ryder look like more of a fool? Apparently so.

Cena is shown sitting in the empty arena with a promo taped from earlier today. He talks about WM 28. He says Dwayne Johnson is the most successful superstar in the history of WWE. Cena says he is going to WM to win, not just to go along for the ride. He talks about the 2008 Patriots and losing the Super Bowl. He says nobody remembers second place and that WM 28 is everything and that’s why he needs to win.

^Trying to build this as the biggest match in Mania history was going to take a lot of work, and I find it hard to believe that it will live up to the hype. Cena’s great to listen to, but I’m looking forward to the in ring duel with the Rock later tonight!

Sheamus and CM Punk take on Chris Jericho and Daniel Bryan. This was a solid tag team match that ends with Jericho rolling CM Punk out of an attempted small package into a small package of his own for the three count victory. Jericho grabs the WWE Title after the match and holds it on his shoulder while he looks at Punk.

^I think it was three weeks too early for this tag team match.This was a solid match that deserved to be the main event of the night. How many fans will remember that Jericho pinned Punk by the time Mania rolls around? Is he going to beat him every week now like Ziggler did just so we know for certain that Punk will retain the title at WrestleMania? As I said, it was a solid match, but it just needed a different finish in order to work for me.

We have the Rock next to the statue of Paul Revere now. He’s got a cardboard cutout of Cena and talks about what if Cena had led the American Revolution. He talks about taking a time machine back to 1776 to whoop Cena’s ass(nice Back to the Future reference there). Rock sings his own version of yankee doodle for Cena.

^More good humor from the Rock. The crowd just doesn’t seem that into it. The writing behind the promos is actually really funny.

The Miz is out next to take on the Big Show. Cole says the Miz is still upset about not being involved at WrestleMania. Cody Rhodes comes out as the bell rings. He shows a clip of Big Show hanging out at WWE New York during WM 18. Miz attacks Show as the match starts. Miz charges Show and gets speared by Show. Show calls for the KO punch and gets the three count on Miz. Show points to the Mania sign as Rhodes looks on.

^Solid push for Show as me move towards Mania, but what about Miz? The burying of Miz is ridiculous and WWE is making a big mistake by not pushing this guy again. I’m disappointed. I’m almost starting to accept his fate in that he is going to be buried because he wasn’t a “big enough heel” that WWE wanted to contend in the main event scene.

Time for another Rock pre taped history lesson. He’s shown outside the Massachusetts state house. He talks about the Americans fighting their until they defeated the British. He talks about the Rock Revolution overthrowing John Cena. He talks about defeating Cena for the fans and making history on April 1st, 2012. He tells Cena to get ready for him inside the TD Garden tonight.

^The taped segments got weaker as they went on. This one lost my interest halfway through it.

R Truth comes out to the ring talking to Little Jimmy at his side. Truth is going one on one with Kane. This doesn’t look good for Truth. Truth gets a few punches in, then gets dominated by Kane. Truth gets control again but misses the ax kick and gets chokeslammed by Kane. Randy Orton’s music hits after the match and he comes to the ring. Truth grabs Kane’s ankle long enough to distract him so Orton can hit the RKO. Orton grabs a microphone and gets in Kane’s face on the ground. Orton says it’s good to be back.

^Ok, so Truth is going to become nearly irrelevant as move towards WrestleMania. Fantastic. I like the back and forth one upping each other between Orton and Kane. I know their match at Mania won’t steal the show, but it will be nice to see what these two can do in the ring together.

Lots of boos for Cena as he comes to the ring. Cena says he thought the crowd would be excited. He says the place is packed because the Rock is back. He calls the Rock’s promos from all over Boston entertaining. He asks what the Rock is saying about Cena if you sift through his promos. Cena says the Rock is obsessed with breakfast cereal, his penis, the number of girl’s he’s had sex with, and the way Cena dresses. He asks if he’s facing the Rock at Mania or the situation from Jersey Shore. Cena says the Rock was shook up last week. He says he sounded like the rain man stumbling on his words when Cena left the ring last week. He says the Rock got shook up by Cena. Cena points out how ridiculous he looks and proceeds to make fun of himself. He says the Rock is back this week though. He says it’s a bad idea for Rock to come down because his best stuff lately has been taped or via satellite. Cena says it’s good for him because he can find out if he’s facing the Rock that was the greatest superstar of all time, or the guy that wastes twenty minutes talking about chinese food. Cena says bring on the Rock.

Rock does his finally chant again. Rock talks about seeing fear in Cena’s eyes and seeing right through him. The fans do a Cena chant? The fans are doing a rocky sucks chant and then a fruity pebbles chant. This crowd is ridiculous and seems split. Rock says he has never been more confident about anything in his life. The crowd chants tooth fairy. The Rock talks about stripping everything away and being 270 pounds of man that will rip his throat out. He says at his core, Cena is a little boy who will go down in history as being the Rock’s bitch. Rock walks out of the arena.

Cena says his height and weight don’t intimidate him. Cena says he has no other options than to defeat him at WrestleMania. He says Rock was half right in that Cena will lose everything if Rock beats him, but that Rock has lost his mind and his confidence if he thinks Cena is afraid of him. Cena says he is the SOB that is going to make history at WM by whooping the Rock’s ass. Cena jumps in the crowd with some apparent friends and celebrates. Cena jumps back in the ring and tries to hype the crowd. Cena gives his father a hug and kisses his wife as Raw goes off the air.

^The Rock is an actor. I have to believe that he is being told to lose these duels intentionally to help Cena get over. If he was truly being the guy he’s always been on the mic, his promos with Cena would be epic and not be coming across as pathetic. I think WWE feels Rock at his best is world’s above Cena, and I don’t think that he is. Making the Rock look bad is not the way to hype this match.

The show opened with a promo. The show ended with a promo. The tag team match on the show featured the top performer in WWE and his legend opponent along with two the best performer on Smackdown and one of the best babyfaces on Smackdown. Where were their promos? The show lacked in wrestling matches, but it served it’s purpose in focusing on WrestleMania. I can’t complain about the quality of the show overall. I just don’t feel Cena and Rock is very exciting right now. I’ll be back with more columns throughout the week as usual. Until next time, you’ve been ThunderStruck!

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