by Joe Thunder - January 26, 2014
We start the kickoff show with Josh Matthews and his panel of past winners including: Shawn Michaels, Jim Duggan and the Nature Boy, Ric Flair! Wooooooo! Shawn tells us not to let your feet hit the floor if you want to win the match. Flair says go to the ring knowing this could be a career defining moment. Shawn’s being the funny guy. Duggan says he loves the Rumble’s format and if they’re moving, hit it! Funny stuff to start the show as we preview the tag team title match!
HBK picks the Outlaws and Flair picks the Rhodes brothers. Duggan goes along with Flair and says the Rhodes brothers have a better feel for the business being second generation. Next we preview the WWE Championship match and see what Randy Orton did to John Cena’s father on Raw. Anyone else feel like the rivalry for that match really doesn’t matter as much as the match itself?
Twenty-two minutes to start the show as JBL makes his way to the announce table as these four guys keep talking. King follows him. Duggan says Cena will take care of business with Orton tonight.
Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox are backstage with wrestlers drawing their rumble numbers. Del Rio likes his number. Kofi says his could be better. R-Truth doesn’t like his. Cesaro and Swagger argue over who will draw first and Cesaro is happy. Swagger gets his too. Khali is unhappy and Sandow laughs at him. Khali then laughs at Sandow when he draws his. Interesting. We now have twenty-four confirmed participants for the match. Six open slots!
It’s tag title time as the Outlaws challenge Cody Rhodes and Goldust! Road Dogg hypes the crowd nicely with some are you ready chants. Fourteen minutes until the show officially starts, and here we go! Cody and Road Dogg start it off. Cody with a nice shoulder block takedown. Cody calls for a game of mercy and Dogg kicks him in the stomach. Dogg with some trash talk as he tags out. Cody knocks both Outlaws out of the ring as we have a commercial.
Back from the break and Goldust may be hurt. Eleven and a half minutes til showtime. Goldust with a canadian destroyer on Road Dogg! Dogg tags in Gunn. Hard to believe Billy is 50. Goldy with a fast scoop slam on Billy as he tries to make a tag to Cody. Cody and Dogg both take in and Cody gets the upper hand. Cody taunts Billy and ends up double drop-kicking both men. Cody counters Dogg’s pumphandle slam with cross rhodes but Gunn stops the count. Gunn sneaks a tag and hits a fameasser on an unknowing Cody for the win and we have NEW CHAMPIONS! Wasn’t epic, but it was a fun match and a nice surprise to see the Outlaws get the gold. Those guys can still go. What a start to the show!
Shawn Michaels reminds us that he was the only one who picked the Outlaws. Now they talk about Brock Lesnar vs The Big Show. Ric Flair says Lesnar is a bad man, and HBK says it’s hard to bet against Brock Lesnar. Now we get that stupid numbers video(it’s grown old) with Rumble stuff.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan picks Dolph Ziggler to win the Royal Rumble(is he even in it?). Shawn Michaels says he was going to pick CM Punk, but instead he’s picking the Shield. Ric Flair picks Batista to win it. Interesting choices.
It’s time for the OFFICIAL show! Live from Pittsburgh, PA, it’s the 2014 WWE Royal Rumble!
Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt is up first tonight! I won’t be highlighting everything about these matches; I want to enjoy some of the show too, but I’ll give results and thoughts after each match!
Two minutes into the match, Harper and Rowan are sent backstage when Rowan gets caught by the ref going after Dbry. The wwe.com pay per view airing just went out. I’m not kidding. Working on getting it back I guess. I paid for this show. Now I’m streaming it because wwe.com is messed up. Unreal. Dbry is selling the concussion as these two battle on. Physical match thus far. Excellent match with good back and forth offense. Bray Wyatt wins a long and competitive match with the sister abigail in the ring after hitting a sister abigail on the barricade outside the ring.
^Unbelievable match. Four and a quarter stars to start the show. Nice of Dbry to put over Bray Wyatt. Wyatt is officially a star after that performance. His selling and work ethic shined through here nicely and I would welcome a rematch between these two. That will be hard to follow. Outstanding.
Renee Young interviews Paul Heyman about Brock Lesnar taking on the Big Show. Heyman tells us his name and apologizes in advance for the match we’re about to see. Heyman is a great talker, and that’s a good thing for Lesnar’s sake.
Totino’s pizza rolls are advertised for anyone that might be hungry. Big Ben Douchebag Roethlisberger is shown in the crowd. Yay for him.
We go to the all star panel again with Josh Matthews and company. Three men won back to back rumbles? When? What did I miss? I think Matthews messed up unless I’m mistaken. Oh yeah, Hogan. Forgot about that. Each guy on the panel hypes the match with Show and Lesnar. Duggan picks Big Show to win the match. He’s wrong.
It’s time for Big Show vs Brock Lesnar! Lesnar attacks Show before the match can start and beats him down with a steel chair. How does this help Lesnar’s credibility as a beast if he can’t win fair? Heel or not, I disagree with how he beat Punk too. The mess continues until the bell rings and Show hits Lesnar with the KO punch as he charges him with a chair. Lesnar isn’t out. Show goes on the offensive now. Lesnar wins the short match with an F5.
^I wrote in my preview that this match would be longer than their previous battles, and I was wrong. Not impressed. The story doesn’t matter. This was garbage. 1/2* for the brutality.
Lesnar continues to beat on Show after the match with a steel chair. Lesnar walks to the back with Heyman. Bad time management here if they needed to kill that many minutes. Show is helped to the back. Good hype I guess for Lesnar being such a monster if they’re going to book him against Taker. How can we take him seriously as a threat to end the streak when he can’t win a match without cheating? Failed booking logic there.
A Jackson-Hewitt Tax Service ad. They’re sponsors for the Rumble.
We have a Shield promo backstage. I love these guys. Roman tells Dean he’s got the winning number tonight. Dean wants to know his number, but Roman wants Dean to tell him first. Nice tension within the group for the future split.
Randy Orton is interviewed by Renee Young. He gives the usual speech. Nothing worth listening to until he calls Bray Wyatt a Duck Dynasty reject. Funny stuff. Possible teaser for Bray to win the Rumble? Doubtful, but possible.
Randy Orton is now defending the WWE World Title against John Cena. Cena’s got a new shirt. It’s black with green and purple writing. Daniel Bryan is being chanted by the crowd as the match starts. I agree with them. Boring chants next. Cena let’s go/sucks chants. MORE loud Daniel Bryan chants as the announcers ignore it but then JBL acknowledges it. Yes chants. Yup. We want Angle chants(Pittsburgh native). Love this crowd! Sounded like a Randy Savage chant as Orton smiles at the crowd. Y2J chants next. They clearly don’t want these two in the ring competing for that Championship. We have a weak chant going for Undertaker briefly. This match is slow, but it wouldn’t matter. The crowd doesn’t want it. Loud boring chants again as Orton smiles. They’re right on the money. Daniel Bryan chants again. They shouldn’t stop. Orton works the crowd to get boos but at least they stop chanting Dbry. He then taunts the audience and Cena gets the upper hand. It isn’t a bad match, but it’s not exciting, fast or smooth. It’s just going through the motions. Cena with the leg to the back of the neck to Orton from the top and only get a two count. Orton with a ddt to Cena on the outside off the apron instead of the middle rope. Ouch. Orten gets him in the ring and only gets a two count. The formula so far with Orton dominating suggests Cena could actually win, but I don’t expect that. Cena just doesn’t get a lot of offense, but he’s got Orton in an STF right now. Orton gets the rope. The crowd boos Cena as he starts hitting his moves of doom. The ref goes down and Cena has Orton in an STF where he taps. Where’s the Authority?
Orton smacks Cena with the title behind the ref’s back and then only gets a two count. Thought this was no DQ? Why would he hide that? The crowd chants “this is awful.” They’re somewhat wrong. Cena with an AA for a two count only. They’re trying hard, but people are sick of them. Doesn’t matter what they do. Orton with an RKO from out of nowhere and Cena kicks out. I like the match. Many people will bitch about it. It’s fine at this point. the crowd wants divas. Orton with a punt attempt on Cena. Cena counters but Orton gets Cena’s own STF on him. Wow. Orton with an AA on Cena and he kicks out. I like this. Many people won’t. It’s somewhat original. A few too many false finishes though. Orton kicks out of an RKO from Cena. Now it’s becoming silly. Finish coming soon? Cena puts Orton on the ropes. Tornado DDT for a two count and puts him in the STF again. The Wyatts come out and distact Cena. Orton with an RKO on Cena for the win.
^I enjoyed what they did here, and now they’ve set up Cena to face Wyatt at Mania. Wyatt will lose the Rumble match thanks to Cena later tonight(I would guess, anyway). Orton and Cena were a solid three and a quarter stars. It wasn’t epic, but it was good.
The Wyatts get in the ring after the match with Cena and beat him down. I like the feud and the potential. It helps Bray get over more than he already has and it gives Cena something to do not involving the WWE Title.
Renee interviews the New Age Outlaws now that they have the gold. Road Dogg re-introduces them and reminds us it’s been fourteen years since they last won the titles. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but this team is still amazing. Gunn says “new champs” as his two words for Renee as they go to their victory party(implying the authority I guess).
We have taped promos from guys in the Rumble match. Should be a good one!
Hacksaw Jim Duggan picks Dolph Ziggler again to win the Rumble match as a dark horse. Didn’t know he was here. Michaels is still picking the Shield and CM Punk as one pick. Flair stays with Batista. We heard this all earlier.
It’s Rumble time! Punk is first, as we already knew. One of the Shield is number two, and that was somewhat predictable. It’s Seth Rollins! Rollins and Punk with back and forth action. Punk with a running knee and calls for the GTS, but Rollins counters and Punk then kicks him in the head. Number three is Damien Sandow! Talk about star power to start the match! I love all three of these guys. Rollins and Sandow double team Punk here. Punk tries to toss Rollins but can’t get it done so he works on him in the corner. Number four enters as Sandow and Rollins go after Punk. It’s Cody Rhodes and he has his own music. Rhodes goes after Sandow right away and they exchange right hands. Rhodes nails cross rhodes on Sandow and then tries to stand him up but he’s jumped by Rollins. Rhodes goes after Rollins as Sandow works on Punk. Punk tosses Sandow over the top with a backflip and Sandow is gone. Wow. It’s Rhodes and Rollins with Punk as we wait for number five. Punk and Rhodes work together on Rollins with fists. Number five is Kane. Wow. Kane is in dress pants and Punk looks mad. Corporate Kane! Rhodes goes after Kane and gets hit with a big boot. Kane goes after Punk.
Kane continues to stomp on Punk as we wait for number six. Big slam in the corner and a sidewalk slam as Rhodes and Rollins go at it. Kane calls for a chokeslam. Punk counters with a kick to Kane’s head and then he eliminates the Big Red Machine! Kane looks furious. Number six is Alexander Rusev from NXT. That’s a joke. I hate this guy just because of his size and lack of ability. Rusev takes Rollins down right away but can’t eliminate him. He nails a big boot on Rhodes and fails to toss him. Punk gets beat on by Rusev and then slammed to the mat with a modified samoan drop. Wow. Rollins jumps on Rusev’s back and number seven joins the match. It’s Jack Swagger. Zeb’s sign says every 90 seconds another immigrant sneaks across the border. Swagger bomb to Rollins and Rhodes. He sees Rusev and it’s time for them to brawl. They exchange right hands and Rusev gets the upper hand with a running smash and again in the corner. He tries to toss Swagger but Rollins clips his leg. Rollins, Rhodes and Swagger gang up on Rusev. Five men in the ring right now and number eight is Kofi Kingston. I hope he gets a nice highlight spot. Kofi goes after Rusev who was working on Rollins. Rhodes tries to get Punk and Rollins goes after Swagger. It really is every man for himself here. Swagger almost gets Rollins and then Rollins almost gets Swagger. Number nine is Jimmy Uso. Bout time these guys made it into the Rumble. Uso goes after Rhodes, Kofi and Rusev right away. Rusev works on Swagger. Punk and Rollins are down until Punk exchanges headbutts with Jimmy. Cody with a dropkick on Jimmy. What a fiasco here! Jimmy can’t get Cody out to the floor as we wait for number ten with these seven men in the ring. Entry number ten is Goldust. This is his ninth Royal Rumble. Cody has eliminated him from two. Payback coming?
Goldy takes down Rollins and Uso but gets hit by Rusev. Punk and Rhodes go after Rusev and Rollins helps them. Rollins and Rhodes then go at it. Everyone is now working on Rusev including Kofi and he’s gone. Nice showing for a guy that I don’t care much for. Rusev catches Kofi off the apron when he’s knocked off by Punk and Kofi is on the barricade. Let’s see if he can get back in the ring with some creative way. Spotfest Rumble guy isn’t a bad way to be remembered. Kofi runs on the barricade and lands on the ring apron. He’s back in the match. Number eleven is another Shield guy, Dean Ambrose. Ambrose runs to the ring and goes for Kofi Kingston rght away. Punk and Ambrose go at it. Rhodes and Goldy work on Swagger but Rollins stops them. Eight men in the ring: Ambrose, Rollins, Punk, Kofi, Goldy, Rhodes, Uso and Swagger. Big mess here. Goldust on the apron by Swagger and Kofi but he saves himself. Goldust with a right hand to Ambrose. Number twelve is Dolph Ziggler and he’s back! I’d love to see this guy win it, but he won’t. Ziggler with some crazy offense and goes right for Dean Ambrose but Rollins pulls him off. Let’s go Ziggler chants from the crowd. Loud. WWE dropped the ball with that push. Ambrose tries to toss Ziggler right away but Goldy stops him. Kofi almost goes but saves himself. Kofi and Punk work on Swagger. Ziggler works on Rollins. Cody works on Jimmy Uso until Ambrose stops him. Thirteen comes out and it’s R-Truth. I like the veterans here. The Shield work on Truth right away as Swagger goes after Goldust and Kofi. Ziggler trying to toss Rhodes but fails. Truth is gone at the hands of Ambrose. Nine men still in the ring. JImmy Uso up top and gets nailed by Rollins and then Ambrose as he’s gone from the match. Down to eight men in the ring as we wait for number fourteen. Kofi tries to eliminate Swagger as he’s on the apron but struggles as he gets Swagger’s boot. Kofi hits Swagger with his own boot. Punk and Goldy double team Rollins and number fourteen is Kevin Nash. He gets a nice pop for someone that’s totally useless. Nash eliminates Swagger right away and goes towards Ambrose and Rollins and beats on them both. He’s limited with his forearm shots as he moves slowly, but it’s effective. He seems to be stuck with Rollins and Ambrose. Punk is trying to get Ziggler but can’t. Kofi tries to help but stops. Goldy and Cody work on Rollins. Number fifteen is Roman Reigns. Perhaps he’ll eliminate Kevin Nash here. Reigns spears Cody Rhodes and then goes toe to toe with Kevin Nash. Reigns tosses Kofi from the match but then gets hit with a DDT by Ziggler. Ziggler then gets speared by Reigns and tossed over the top rope. Goodbye Dolph. Nash charges Reigns and goes over the top rope. Waste of a Rumble spot. Goldust and Cody go after Reigns but Rollins stops them. Wow.
Number sixteen is Khali. That’s horrible. The Shield works on Khali and tosses him from the match. Goldy and Punk go after the Shield now. Goldust accidentally eliminates Cody and then Reigns eliminates Goldy. It’s the Shield vs Punk now. Number seventeen is Sheamus and he’s back from injury. He goes to work on the Shield and has success as he beats on them all. Big punches to the chest of Ambrose and it’s loud. Rollins gets a backbreaker and Reigns gets a brogue kick. One of the best Rumble matches ever so far? Possibly. Eighteen is the Miz. Three faces in Punk, Sheamus and Miz against the Shield. Miz can’t quite get rid of Ambrose and Sheamus can’t get it done on Rollins either. Punk is MIA at the moment(outside hurt?). They gang up on Sheamus and Miz to get the upper hand. Number nineteen is Fandango. Talk about a messed up push last year. He goes after Miz right away as the crowd starts doing the Fandango. Miz can’t quite get it done on Dango. Ambrose tries to get Sheamus out as Reigns just stands around. Reigns and Ambrose double team Sheamus. Miz on top of Dango with fists but Rollins stops him. Number twenty is one of the Los Matadores. El Torito is actually the entrant here. What a joke. He gets in some offense on Rollins and Miz.
Punk gets mad and tries to take down El Torito but Torito gets the best of him. JBL with a Mantaur joke. Fandango tries to take down El Torito but fails as well. Dango is gone at the hands of El Torito. Torito goes after Reigns but gets tossed from the match onto Dango. Glad that joke is over. Miz is working on Rollins and Sheamus is working on Ambrose. Cesaro is 21. Zeb’s other sign says you could time it yourself but they stole the watch. Hilarious. Cesaro with the swing on Miz right away. You had to know it was coming. Punk gets one next but Rollins and Ambrose jump Cesaro. Cesaro gets the upper hand and swings Rollins next and it goes on for what feels like forever. Number 22 is one of the Wyatts based on the music. It’s Luke Harper aka Brodie Lee from Ring of Honor. Reigns spears Cesaro. Harper goes after everyone and gets into it with CM Punk. Sheamus and Ambrose almost go over but both save themselves. Eight men in the ring right now: Shield, Cesaro, Harper, Punk, Miz and Sheamus. Number twenty three is Jey Uso as Cesaro can’t quite get Ambrose to the floor. Uso goes after Cesaro as we have nine men in the ring. Harper can’t get rid of Punk either. Sheamus works on Ambrose still and Cesaro goes after Harper. They exchange major blows and Harper ends up booting Cesaro in the face. Reigns is doing a lot of resting in this match. Number twenty four is JBL himself entering the match. Nice surprise here. JBL gets a nice pop and gets in the ring with his suit on. JBL wants to give Cole his coat. Reigns tosses JBL right away. That was quick and pointless. Cesaro goes after Reigns now as Miz works on Rollins. Harper and Uso go at it and Sheamus is STILL going at Ambrose. JBL pretends nothing has happened to him. Erick Rowan is number 25.
Rowan goes after Miz and can’t quite eliminate him on first try. Ryback is number 26. Sheamus works on Cesaro and Rowan works on one of the Shield in the corner. Number twenty seven is Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio kicks Ryback in the head right away and then works on various people. Jey Uso went at some point and I missed it somewhere between 24 and 26. Cesaro works on Rollins, Ryback goes at it with Del Rio and number twenty eight is Batista. I expected him sooner than this. Batista goes after everyone. He eliminates Erick Rowan and goes after Ryback. What a joke. Ryback throws Batista in the corner and goes for his big clothesline, but instead he’s launced out of the ring and Ryback is gone. Del Rio goes after Batista now. Batista lifts Del Rio up and tosses him with ease. Sheamus and Punk are in the corner with Rollins as number 29 joins the match and it’s Big E. Langston. I hope Dbry is number 30, but I’m probably wrong. Sheamus and Big E battle and Big E throws him around with ease. He tries to eliminate Sheamus but can’t. Cesaro works on Ambrose as Sheamus and Big E. go at it. Reigns and Harper are battling and Punk is working on Batista. We have yes chants from the crowd and we know they want Daniel Bryan. It’s Rey Mysterio. I’m pissed. The crowd is booing and they’re angry. Mysterio goes after Punk and the crowd is chanting Daniel Bryan. Mysterio and Punk almost eliminate one another.
Sheamus eliminates Big E. but this crowd is still booing and jeering. Cesaro and Harper still go at it. Cesaro upper cuts everyone in the ring and then boots Hrper in the face. Batista works on Ambrose as Rollins and Mysterio go at it. Mysterio is eliminated by Seth Rollins. Ambrose works on Harper as we’re down to the Shield, Sheamus, Punk, Batista and Harper. The crowd is still chanting Daniel Bryan. Reigns eliminates Harper and Ambrose tries to toss Reigns but fails. Cesaro tries to get both Rollins and Ambrose but fails. Reigns dumps Rollins, Cesaro and Ambrose all at once. He looks mad. Batista hits a huge spinebuster on Roman Reigns and Sheamus hits a brogue kick on Batista. Punk with a GTS on Sheamus and Rollins. We’re down to our final four. Kane comes from out of nowhere and eliminates CM Punk. It’s Reigns, Sheamus or Batista and I like two of those choices. Kane beats on Punk on the outside.
Kane chokeslams Punk through the announce table as we have Reigns, Sheamus and Batista left in the match! The crowd is still chanting Daniel Bryan and booing for the final three in the ring. The crowd chants no as these three go at it. The crowd continues to boo. Sheamus points at the Mania sign and I’m expecting him to get tossed now. He calls for the brogue and misses Batista. Batista with a batista bomb on Sheamus but he fails. Reigns tosses Sheamus and is in the final two with Batista.
Reigns calls for the spear and the crowd chants for Reigns. Reigns goes for a spear but Batista hits a spear of his own and calls for it as the crowd boos him. Reigns with a huge spear on Batista and the crowd likes it. He looks at the sign and tries to toss Dave but fails. Batista wins. I’m not happy with it as he did NOTHING in this match.
We had a good WWE World Title match, an outstanding opener and a very good Rumble match(one of the top five ever). It was a great pay per view despite Daniel Bryan not being in the Rumble and me not caring for the winner. Call it 7.5/10. The fans are booing Batista as the show ends.
Thanks for reading!
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