We start off looking at last week’s interactions between Eric Young and MVP, and then we head to the ring where Young asks MVP to come out and have a word with him. MVP has his crew with him as usual, and he says that he doesn’t like Dixie Carter or take orders from her, so Eric has his undivided attention. Eric points out the presence of Bobby Lashley and Kenny King, and MVP says he doesn’t need them to beat Eric, and after he takes the TNA World Title, maybe they can do something EY can beat him at like extreme fishing. EY asks MVP for one request: a fair fight. MVP says Bobby’s usually pretty composed, but Kenny sometimes has outbursts and can’t guarantee that. EY says he’s talking to MVP man to man, and if a bigger, better man takes the title from him, then so be it, but getting cheapshotted and sneak attacked from behind is garbage, and he’s willing to do absolutely anything to ensure that doesn’t happen. MVP asks him if he said anything, and EY says he didn’t stutter, so MVP agrees to give Eric a fair fight and even pick the stipulation for their match at Slammiversary. But since people have to earn things, Eric has to go through all three of them in one night. King says Eric is a joke and couldn’t beat two of them, and even Eric says he can’t guarantee he can beat all three, and proposes two our of three. King jumps the gun and says he’s got it, so MVP makes it a deal: if he can win two of the three matches, he gets to pick the stipulation at Slammiversary. Maybe he shouldn’t beat all three men and maybe he shouldn’t beat MVP at Slammiversary, but he doesn’t think MVP’s man enough to do it. MVP says that’s all good because his first opponent is Bobby Lashley, and that match is up after the commercial break!
TNA World Champion Eric Young vs Bobby Lashley
Lashley is destroying Young as we come back from commercial, EY hits a couple of flying forearms for a 1 count, but Lashley just picks Eric up and heaves him over the top rope to the floor. Lashley starts working Eric’s back over and catches him in an over the shoulder backbreaker, but EY gets out and catches a crucifix for 2, then catches Lashley with a boot to the face. Eric comes out of the corner with a crossbody, but Lashley catches Eric in midair and hits the powerslam for the win.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Okay, so the champion lost clean in the FIRST of three matches. This is also Lashley’s second singles win over Eric, so doesn’t this make him a better contender than MVP? Lashley beats Eric up with his own belt, but Samoa Joe comes tearing out of the back. Thankfully, Lashley didn’t notice Joe’s music blaring through the building, and Joe was able to get the drop on him and drive him to the floor.
Willow is somewhere and says he is bloodied and beaten, but he won’t fight Magnus and Bram alone, and the secret is behind the mask because peace…IS ON VACATION AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Eric Young is backstage with the trainer and has shooting pains in his back. The trainer says he probably shouldn’t go back out there.
Samoe Joe says what just happened was ridiculous, and he doesn’t know who Lashley thinks he is, but Joe thinks he’s his next victim, and as for MVP…HE’S NEXT.
Bram cuts a promo before the match introducing his best friend growing up, then Magnus says Bram brought the old Magnus out of him. Everyone saw Magnus as this tall, good looking jock with lots of potential, but he’s sick looking at what he turned into over the last six months. He’s just going to be himself not, and Bram says that Jeff Hardy needed an alter ego to survive, but whatever he calls himself, he just found out who the real McDaddy is. Willow comes out and says he’s giving Magnus and Bram one last chance to run because he’s from Jeff Hardy’s imagInation and he’s going to take Magnus down at Slammiversary. Magnus says he doesn’t have an alter ego, but he does have Bram. They keep going with more of this crap and I really don’t care, but the point is that Willow’s partner at Slammiversary is going to be Abyss. Or he’ll be in his corner. I don’t know. I don’t care. They fight and I go get a(nother) beer.
Ethan Carter III is backstage and says nobody makes a Carter bleed, and he’s going out to the ring to expose Bully Ray as a fraud.
I actually got two beers while the commercial and the 8000 year long entrances happen for our next match…
Knux vs Robbie E
Knux beats Robbie up and hits a stepover legdrop while Jessie flexes for Rebel until the Freak comes over and flexes even bigger. The Menagerie’s music is playing as the match is happening, it’s like New Jack if he wound up in the Land of Oz. Knux hits the crossbody, Robbie hits an inverted flying bulldog out of the corner, and DJ Z repeatedly hits the horn while the Menagerie music is playing. This is just too much, I can’t deal with this. The Freak smacks up Jessie and DJ Z on the floor while Knux hits the Sky High for the win.
Crazy Steve gives Robbie E balloons and he runs for the hills.
All kidding aside, please TNA, get rid of all these people right now. I don’t care how nice or talented any of them are, they need to go and never come back. Seriously, they wasted like 15 minutes on this crap.
Ethan Carter III is backstage asking Spud if he has everything ready. Spud says he even got the special guest, and brings out…BROOKE TESSMACHER!
Ethan Carter III and Spud come out to expose the lies of Bully Ray, and they want to start by bringing out Bubba’s former main squeeze, Brooke and GOD SHE LOOKS HOT. EC# asks her if she had a relationship with Bully Ray (yes), if she’s still with him (no), and if the relationship ended because he had a drinking problem and screwed around with other women (no). He asked if he threatened to put her through a table because he couldn’t have his way with her (he never threatened that, what are you talking about). Spud asks for a spotlight and says Brooke has a secret, and HE HAS THE RESULTS (he whips out an envelope)! He says the DNA doens’t lie, he opens the envelope and he knows Bully Ray is the father! Brooke says that if Bubba has a kid, it’s not hers, but Spud puts a picture of Bubba and some baby on the screen and they have the same double chin. Bubba smacks the microphone out of Spud’s hand and yells at him that this isn’t what she came out here for, but EC3 gets in her face and says maybe he should do what Bubba didn’t and teach her some respect. BullyRay comes out and chases EC3 and Spud off, then turns around and finds himself face to face with Brooke for hte first time in months. He reminds Ethan that he has a table with his name on it and he’ll go through it one day, then says he didn’t expect to see Brooke today, but he’s sorry things didn’t work out with them but he’s in a different place in his life now. He wishes her happiness and gives her a big hug, but EC3 comes back down and says enough of this, he’s challenging Bubba to a tables match at Slammiversary, and if he thinks he will ever put Dixie through a table, it will only happen over his dead body. Bubba repeats that he said over his dead body, and Bubba would normally jump at the chance for a tables match, but since Ethan said over his dead body, and they’ll be in Texas, and in Carter Country, let’s make sure it’s over his dead body: he challenges Ethan to a Texas Death Match. Ethan says he accepts.
Kenny King faces Eric Young next, and he’s backstage with MVP and King bragging that he’s ready for this.
TNA World Champion Eric Young vs Kenny King
King mocks Eric Young’s bad back, and then they wrestle a bit and Young hits a slam, but his back goes out and he collapses. They fight on the apron and King hits the cartwheel kick, then go inside and King gets Young in a rear chinlock. Young gets free and fires back, hits a second slam without the back pain this time, and goes up top. King goes up as well and hits a leaping enziguiri, then slams Young into the ring. Young avoids a springboard move, then piledrives King and covers him for the win.
Winner: Eric Young
Madison Rayne is backstage saying she doesn’t want to deal with Brittany and the weird vibe she gets from her, she just wants her title back.
Eric Young is back with the trainer, who gleefully tells Eric he told him so (medical people love rubbing it in people’s faces like smug jerks), and then Jeremy Borash comes in and asks him what’s up. Eric says he has one to go, and like he said, he doesn’t think MVP is man enough to beat him.
#1 Contender’s Match: Brittany vs Gail Kim vs Madison Rayne
Brittany wants to work with Madison against Gail, but Madison is STILL setting herself up to be on the receiving end of a big heel turn by shoving her out of the way and going “MOVE.” Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out to the entryway, and we’ll find out what they’re up to and who will be the #1 contender after this commercial break!
We’re back, and Angelina and Velvet are on commentary putting Brittany over as the girl who took Angelina to the limit and how they want her to win the match. Gail takes a double superplex from Madison and that bitch she hates, then they wind up arguing with each other. Brittany drops down as Madison charges her and Madison flies out to the floor, and Brittany screams “WHYYYYY? WHYYYYY?” at Madison like Wayne in the “everything goes to hell” ending of Wayne’s World. The Beautiful People wander down to ringside and Angelina shakes her ass to distract the ref while Velvet Sky sprays her spray at Gail, but Gail moves and the spray goes in Brittany’s face. Gail quickly hits Eat DaFeet for the win.
Winner: Gail Kim
Gali makes “I’m coming to get you” faces at the BPs, who look scared.
MVP is backstage telling Brian Hebner he better favor him in the match, then he tells the mystery cameraman he was just telling his best ref to call it right down the middle.
We run down the card for Slammiversary, and then IT’S MAIN EVENT TIME! Well, almost. Kenny King and Bobby Lashley jump Eric Young on his way to the ring and beat on his injured back. MVP tells Lashley to give Young a whip into the steel steps, and Lashley obliges, then throws him into the ring to MVP.
TNA World Champion Eric Young vs MVP
The bells rings…and we go right to commercial. Hope nothing important happens!
We’re back, and MVP is beating the crap out of Eric Young in Young’s third match of the night. MVP gets a couple of two counts on Young, hits a backdrop suplex, and gets another two count. MVP goes to a Camel Clutch, then pounds Young with repeated forearms to the face. MVP powerbombs Young, but only gets 2, so he gives Young a second powerbomb into the corner and hits a running Yakuza kick for 2. MVP tries another couple of covers and still can’t get 3, so he brings a chair in the ring and sits in it so he can talk to Eric and tell him to stay down. Young gets up, so despite the referee’s warning, MVP smashes the chair over Eric’s back to cause a DQ.
Winner: Eric Young by DQ
MVP gets a mic and tells Young he doesn’t look like much of a winner, and he won’t look like one at Slammiversary either. He doesn’t care what stipulation Young chooses for Slammiversary, because Young can’t beat him and he knows he can’t beat him. He tells Young to enjoy the belt while he’s got it, because he’s taking it at Slammiversary. I can’t wait to not watch this PPV.
Oh wait, Young gets a mic and says he knows it doesn’t look like it, but he won because MVP couldn’t beat him fair, and now he gets to pick himself and MVP in a steel cage. He’ll see MVP in Dallas, and remember…he’s just crazy enough. MVP acts all cool about it, but looked worried for just a second there.