We kick the show off with a video package of Bobby Roode cheating to win the World Title and retain, interspersed with clips of his mother, father, and wife despairing over what a horrible, selfish cheater he’s become. We go from his somber family (except for the kids, who are happily shooting hockey goals in their garage) to the arena where Sting comes out for the opening promo. The inmates are running the asylum and things are getting out of control, so he’s going to deal with things right now and calls Bobby Roode out to the ring. Roode says to make it quick because his time is precious, but Sting says that he was always as behaved as wrestlers go, but now he’s been going around cheating and sneak attacking people. Roode thinks it’s made for great TV to have him take out AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy with HIS World Title belt, and he assumes Sting called him oot here to thank him for saving Impact Wrestling and putting it on his back to carry it to 2012 and beyond. Roode tells Sting he’s welcome, but Sting says he didn’t bring him out here to thank him, he brought him out here to remind him that it’s his way, and for every bad choice Bobby makes, there’s going to be a consequence…starting now.
The music hits and AJ Styles comes down to the ring to have a word with the World Champion. Roode says he sees how it is because, not only does he have an Ironman Match with AJ at Final Resolution, he’s got Sting fighting his battles for him now. Sting says wait, we’re only getting started, and now Jeff Hardy comes out to join the party as well. Hardy tells Roode that the difference between Roode and them is that they respect Sting’s authority and he wants to know why Roode doesn’t too. Roode says screw Sting’s leadership, but Sting says no, screw you Roode because he’s in a three way match with AJ and Hardy tonight. The promo-ending music hits and Roode looks angry as our gloved Commissioner makes his way back up the aisle.
The Knockouts are freezing out in the garage as Karen comes in to remind us about last week’s Thanksgiving Thong Throwdown, and that what she says goes. Since everyone chose to disrespect her, she’s going to make them wash the wrestlers’ cars, get down on their hands and knees and scrub the rims and tires (which Velvet should be good at), and she’s going to go make some phone calls and they better be disrobed and washing cars when she gets back. Madison gleefully removes her robes and yells at the rest of them to get their robes off and get to work.
The Mystery Cameraman catches up with Jeff Hardy backstage and asks what he and AJ’s strategy with Bobby Roode is going to be. Hardy says he and AJ are on good terms, but not with Roode so he’s in trouble. Jeff Jarrett comes in and asks Hardy what makes him think he deserves to be in the company he founded, much less in the main event of Impact. Jarrett says he doesn’t deserve to be in the Impact Zone, and Hardy says this is his last shot, and Harrett says he can respect that…then throws his coat in Hardy’s face and kicks his ass before ramming him into some kind of bin and hitting him with a chair. Hardy fights back and comes after Jarrett with the chair before chasing him off to the back.
Eric Bischoff and Bully Ray have a clandestine meeting backstage since they don’t have an office or anything anymore. Bischoff wants a big favor because the thing with his kid is driving him crazy. Bubba asks if Bischoff wants him to take care of him, but Bischoff says no since Gunner has it. But they have a bigger problem: they beat Abyss down and couldn’t have abused him any more than they did and he came back and he’s dangerous and they need to get him back in the fold. Bubba says he put him through a table and nobody’s ever gotten up from that in 20 years until now, but Bischoff begs him to take care of Abyss. Bubba says he’ll talk to Steiner and see if they can come up with an idea, and tells Bischoff to let him know if he wants him to take care of his kid. Yes, because whenever I need to put together a foolproof plan for talking things out, I always ask myself what Scott Steiner would do.
The Knockouts are in the garage in their bikinis, washing the cars, and Tara says she’s disappointed in Gail Kim for being a part of this, and Gail says if she had a body like Tara does at her age, she’d be happy to show it off. Tara says “Know what, you’re right!” and she takes her robe off and gets to work. Karen comes in to glow about how proud she is that everyone listened to her, and then ODB comes in since Karen was looking for her. Karen tells ODB that she’s got a match with Mickie James tonight and, if she hurts Mickie, she becomes the new #1 contender for the Knockouts Title.
Okay, we’re a half hour in, I *guess* we ought to have one of those match things…
#1 Contender Match: Mexican America vs Ink Inc vs The Pope & Devon
The winners here become the challengers for Crimson & Matt Morgan at Final Resolution. Big Brawl breaks out before the bell and Pope & Devon clear the ring. They dump Hernandez back in the ring where Pope hits an inverted atomic drop and a flying shoudlerblock for 2. Hernandez tags out to Jesse Neal and he immediately gets powerslammed for 2, then Anarquia tags in and Pope takes him out too. Pope with a flurry of Dusty Rhodes elbows and then clotheslines Hernandez over the top and to the floor before hitting the sliding ass drop through the ropes on Anarquia. Pope takes too much time celebrating and Hernandez blindsides him then rolls him in so Anarquia can cover for 2. Hernandez with a slingshot shoulderblock for another 2 and then he just chokes Pope before crushing him with a bearhug. Pope fights his way out but gets tackled clear across the ring and Hernandez covers for another 2. Hernandez goes for the Border Toss but Pope slips out and flattens Hernandez with an STO before making the hot tag to Devon. Devon takes out both members of Mexican America and then waylays Ink Inc off the apron before taking Anarquia out with a flying shoulderblock for 2. Hernandez skins the cat to the top rope but gets slammed off by Devon, who then plows through both of Mexican America with a double clothesline. Neal blind tags into the ring and charges at his trainer, but Devon ducks and Neal spears Hernandez and then Devon hits a spinebuster and covers Neal for 3.
Winners: The Pope & Devon
Austin Aries is backstage, and he’s…WALKING!
Austin Aries comes out to tell us how he’s got a bit of a problem: he came out here and proclaimed that he’s the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, but he exceeded his own greatness to a level even he couldn’t comprehend. He is the X Division Champion, and he has singlehandedly defeated every contender in the X Division and there’s nobody left for him to defeat and it’s time to rename the X Division the A Double Division. Jesse Sorensen didn’t stand a chance, and some girl in the crowd must be cheering a little loud because Aries tells her he knows she loves Jesse, but it’s not a good looking contest, it’s a wrestling contest. Nobody in Impact Wrestling can hold a candle to what A Double does, and…oh wait, Kid Kash’s music hits and he comes out to join Aries in the ring. Aries says Kash looks a little upset and tells him to relax, but Kash takes the microphone out of Aries’ hand and says he heard Aries say he beat everyone in the X Division, and accuses Aries of pulling a screwjob at Turning Point. They had an agreement to take out Jesse Sorensen and they did that, but then Aries snuck in from behind and pinned his ass. Or maybe he remembers walking out on Kash in their tag team match, so he wants Aries to come clean with him. Aries says he knows Kash has been in the business 20 years, but Aries hasn’t been in the business ten minutes, he’s the X Division Champion and he doesn’t see any belts around Kash’s waist. Kash says he had that title longer than anyone way before Aries was in the company, but Aries takes the belt off and lays it down between them and says that all Kash has to do is shake his hand and he’s got a title match. Aries sticks out his hand and Kash takes it, and then they both suckerpunch each other. That was awesome. Aries calls Kash a cheapshot artist and says now he doesn’t get a title shot as he backpedals up the ramp.
Gunner is walking into Garett Bischoff’s gym with a cameraman in tow because he’s going to find him wherever he is and take care of him. We’ll find out what he does…NEXT!
AJ Styles is backstage saying he respects Jeff Hardy and the progress he’s made, but Bobby Roode’s at the bottom of his list and AJ’s at the top of his game and he’s going to get his hands on him tonight.
We go to the gym where Gunner walks around the gym looking for Garett Bischoff and kicking everyone’s ass. Finally, he beats up some fat guy and tells him to tell Garett that Gunner is coming for him.
Sting is backstage telling Jeff Jarrett that if he gets involved in tonight’s main event, there’s going to be consequences. Jarrett says that Sting was the one in the ring with Jeff Hardy when he showed up in no kind of condition and disrespected the World Title that’s supposed to mean more than anything. Sting repeats that if Jarrett gets involved, there’s going to be a consequence, and Jarrett says he might just be willing to pay that consequence.
Bully Ray and Scott Steiner are backstage having their brainstorming session on how to lure Abyss back to Immortal, and they have an exchange I simply can’t do justice to where they basically decide to get Abyss not girls, but freaks.
No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mickie James vs ODB
ODB rushes Mickie during her entrance and they fight out on the ramp and brawl into the ring where Mickie puts the boots to ODB in the corner and tries a Thesz Press, but ODB catches her and rams her into the corner. ODB misses a charge and Mickie drags ODB out under the bottom rope and she hits hard on the floor. Mickie covers on the floor for 2, but ODB rams Mickie into the ring steps and chokes her over the guardrail. Mickie goes for her spinning headscissors, but ODB just powerbombs her on the floor and covers for 2. Mickie recovers and rams ODB into the stage wall as they fight to the back,but ODB cheapshots Mickieand bashes her in the head with a trash can for 2. They both somehow get ahold of cookie sheets and fence with them until ODB cracks Mickie before dragging her to the back of the backstage area and slamming her face first into the wall. Mickie nails ODB with a broomstick and they head back to the ring where Mickie gets a bridging O’Connor roll for 2. Mickie with a series of clotheslines and a dropkick to the face for 2, but ODB picks her up and hits a fallaway slam and…grabs her boobs. ODB brandishes a chair and takes a swing, but Mickie ducks and superkicks the chair into ODB’s face and covers for 3.
Winner: Mickie James
James Storm is getting fitted with a microphone, and we’ll hear from him…NEXT!
We go to James Storm at his home in Tennessee, and he says he’s getting better by the day but it’s a much longer process than he thought it’d be. He doesn’t know when he’s going to be cleared to wrestle, but Kurt Angle’s the first person he wants his hands on when he gets back. Kurt Angle comes out to the broadcast booth because he wants to know how Storm feels after getting his head caved in and how his little girl feels about what happened to him. Angle says Storm robbed him of the title and he wants Storm here next week so they can put together this match for Final Resolution. Storm says he’s not coming to wrestle Angle, he’s coming to fight him and he’s going to kick his ass.
Meanwhile, a couple of ladies of virtue are backstage on their way to the catacombs of the Impact Zone looking for Abyss. They have no idea what he looks like, but he’s a wrestler so he’s got to be rich, cute, and have a nice butt. Oh boy.
We see a video package of Bobby Roode’s parents, friends, sister, and wife talking about Roode’s recent actions and how disappointing it was for him to not win the title and how they never would have expected him to do the things he’s done. Roode asks who they are to question him since he’s paying the bills and putting food on the table, but Roode’s wife doens’t know what to tell her kids other than just saying what daddy did was wrong. They all agree that they hope Roode sees the error of his ways soon. Roode doesn’t care what they think because after 13 years, he finally got what he wanted, but he says to ask them how the new car’s driving and how all the other stuff he paid for is because the World Title is making it all happen.
TV Title Match: Robbie E vs Rob Van Dam
Taz reminds us about how Rob Van Dam has held TV Titles elsewhere for a really long time, and Mike Tenay compliments him on the history lesson. Robbie E gets in RVD’s face, so RVD spinkicks him into the corner and then unloads with a bunch more kicks and a monkey flip. RVD clotheslines Robbie over the top rope to the floor and then baseball slides him under the bottom rope. RVD goes for a dive, but Robbie T steps in the way and RVD stops short. Robbie E tries to kick RVD from behind, but RVD catches the boot and gets the stepover leg lariat and Rolling Thunder. RVD kicks Robbie T through the ropes, but the distraction was enough for Robbie E to nail him from behind and wipe him out with a back elbow for 2. Robbie with a short elbowdrop and then he comes off the second rope with another elbowsmash for 2. There’s really too many Robs out there. Robbie E charges RVD in the corner and is met with a spinning leg lariat, then he dumps RVD out to the floor. Robbie T goes to grab RVD, but Eric Young runs out with a fire extinguisher to back Robbie T off, and RVD winds up back in the ring where he boots Robbie in the face and hits the Dive Star Frogsplash. Unfortunately, the referee is distracted by Robbie T and Young and he misses Christopher Daniels running into the ring and giving RVD the Angel’s Wings and then, in the upset of the year, Robbie E covers RVD and pins him.
Winner: Robbie E
We go back to the catacombs where the chicks are coming back out with sex hair and wondering what just happened while Taz speculates that they just found out why Abyss is called the monster.
The Knockouts are STILL outside washing the cars and (you knew this would happen) they end up “fighting” and getting each other all wet with their sponges while flailing around all over each other. Sigh.
It’s main event time!
World Champion Bobby Roode vs Jeff Hardy vs AJ Styles
This is non-title in case you were wondering. Roode immediately bails out to the floor to let Hardy and AJ go at it, but they go out to the floor and surround him, ping-ponging him back and forth on the floor with right hands and dumping him back into the ring where Roode begs for a time out. He doesn’t get it, and they play ping pong again, Roode tries a double clothesline but they duck and double backdrop him before double clotheslining Roode out to the floor. Hardy goes to slingshot over the ropes, but AJ stops him so he can slingshot. Roode dodges so AJ lands on the apron and Roode grabs his ankle, but Hardy baseball slides Roode through the ropes and it’s back to AJ and Hardy working side by side as we go to commercial.
We’re back and Roode whips AJ into Hardy to knock him off the apron and covers, and Hardy tries to come in and break up the fall but Roode moves out of the way and Hardy accidentally elbowdrops AJ. His advantage doesn’t last long as Hardy beats Roode down in the corner, and now AJ gets some shots of his own in. Roode gouges AJ’s eyes behind Hardy’s back and then slaps Hardy in the back of the head and then falls to the mat so Hardy thinks AJ did it. This leads to a shoving match between the two and now AJ and Hardy go at it. AJ kills Hardy with a dropkick, but Hardy comes back with a dropkick, Russian legsweep, and legdrop cradle for 2. Roode takes advantage by coming in from behind and ramming AJ shoulder first into the ringpost, sending him tumbling out to the floor, then covers Hardy for 2. Roode whips Hardy to the ropes and catches him coming in with a back elbowand a kneedrop for 2. AJ tries to get back into the ring, but Roode kicks him back to the floor and then chokes Hardy with his boot. Hardy gets to his feet and slugs it out with Roode, but the champion hits a spinebuster and covers for 2. AJ suddenly comes out of nowhere with a springboard forearm and then destroys Roode with clotheslines and the moonsault deathdrop. AJ goes for the Styles Clash but gets backdropped to the apron. AJ goes for a springboard move, but Roode shoves Hardy into the ropes and AJ loses his footing, bounces off the top rope, and goes out to the floor while Roode dumps Hardy to the floor. Roode quickly grabs AJ and hits a fisherman’s suplex, but Hardy breaks up the pin and hits a facebuster followed by the Twist of Fate. Hardy tears the shirt off and goes to the top rope as Jeff Jarrett runs out of the crowd, and he shoves Hardy and makes him crotch himself on the top rope, allowing Roode to cover Hardy for the win.
Winner: Bobby Roode
Jeff Jarrett gives a big thumbs up and applauds from ringside, but Sting’s music hits and he comes out to tell Jarrett that he said there would be consequences, so he’s booking Jarrett to face Hardy in a cage at Final Resolution. Sting says Hardy’s agreed to leave Impact Wrestling if he loses (Really? Are they telepathic?), but if Jarrett loses, Hardy becomes the #1 contender to the World Title. Karen Jarrett comes out and starts yelling at Sting, so Sting says she gave him a great idea: he’s going to handcuff himself to Jarrett’s husband (meaning Karen) so she can’t interfere at Final Resolution. The dramatic music hits and we’re off the air.
Source: PWInsider.com
