We are live on tape from Jacksonville, Florida and your announcers are Matt ‘Keeping Pay Per View Commentary Interesting since 2009’ Striker, Todd ‘I wish I knew what it was like to do commentary for a pay per view’ Grisham, and Michael ‘On Wednesdays, Miz lets me touch the WWE Title belt’ Cole.
We start things off with the World Champion Kane, who was able to retain the World Title, but there is some controversy over the finish to that match. He comes to the ring to address those issues and Paul Bearer.
He says two weeks ago, Edge abducted the one thing that means more to him than the World Title and his own life. Edge abducted Paul Bearer. Then last week, Edge humiliated him and Paul Bearer in his perverted game of cat and mouse. Edge mentally tortured Paul Bearer by forcing him to play dodge ball and smothering him in pizza and buffalo wings. Worse than all of that, Edge used Paul Bearer as bait to try to lure him into a trap. At Survivor Series, when he thought the ruse was up, Edge taunted him with an empty wheelchair to prevent him from successfully defending his title.
Despite all of this, Kane reminds us that he is still the World Champion. What is Kane without Paul Bearer. He says that this abduction is unprecedented and unlawful. Kane says that he is willing to not press charges and let this whole thing slide. He tells Edge that all he has to do is bring back Paul Bearer. Kane promises not to destroy Edge. He promises not to annihilate Edge. He promises not to eviscerate Edge. Kane says that he is not what Edge thinks he is. He is not a freak. He says that he is not a monster. This hardened exterior is not really him. Kane says that he has feelings. He says that he is a human being and deep down, he is a warm, caring human being who only wants to be with his family for the holidays. Kane says that he loves the holidays. He says that he loves Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukkah, and Kwanzaa. He says that he loves New Year’s too. Kane just wants his father back. He says that he has a great family life . . .
But before we hear about holiday celebrations at the Kane residence, Edge’s music interrupts and he has an empty wheelchair with him.
Edge asks Kane how he is doing. He says that he heard what Kane said and Edge says that he loves the holidays too. Edge says that Paul was sitting in the wheelchair a few minutes ago and if Kane wants him back, all he has to do is ask.
Kane channels Mel Gibson from Ransom and demands that Edge give him back his father, but Edge doesn’t like Kane’s tone of voice. He asks Kane where his manners are and then he says that his daddy’s didn’t teach him any. Edge wants Kane to ask him politely.
Kane obliges and asks for Paul Bearer back. Edge says that Kane didn’t use the magic word. Edge tells Kane to say ‘please’. Kane requests his father back slower and more deliberately than the first two times and he adds the magic word.
Edge thinks about it and he says that was not a proper please. Kane gets humble and asks please. Edge wants to hear Kane say it again while the fans want Kane to ask on his knees. Kane asks one more time and Edge says that it was insincere and Kane didn’t mean a word of it so Edge decides to leave with the wheelchair.
Kane is incensed and we go to commercial.
Match Number One: Kofi Kingston versus Jack Swagger with the Swagger Soaring Eagle in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match
They lock up and Swagger with a front face lock and take down for a near fall. They lock up again and Swagger with a waist lock and take down as he tries for a bridge. Swagger with another waist lock take down into a bridge for a near fall. Swagger holds on to the waist lock. Kofi with a rollup for a near fall followed by a crucifix for a near fall. Swagger gets to the ropes and then he goes to the floor and gets some advice from the Eagle. They lock up again and Swagger backs Kofi into the ropes and he gives Kofi a knee on the break. Kofi tries for a drop kick but Jack blocks it and tries for the ankle lock but Kofi fights out of it. Swagger turns it into a catapult that sends Kofi into the turnbuckles. Kofi lands on the turnbuckles and he responds with a cross body for a near fall.
Kofi with a chin lock as Swagger gets to the ropes to stop Kofi’s momentum. Kofi with a waist lock but Swagger with an elbow followed by a punch and forearm. Swagger with a kick and forearm to the back. Swagger rubs Kofi’s face in the mat while he has his knee in Kofi’s back. Swagger with a side head lock but Kofi turns it into a top wrist lock. Kofi with a side head lock and Swagger with a shoulder tackle. Kofi tries for a leap frog but he cannot get the same height he usually does, possibly due to residual effects of the ankle lock from Sunday night and Swagger takes advantage as he goes for the leg and takes Kofi down.
Swagger tries for the ankle lock but Kofi gets to the ropes. Swagger hyperextends Kofi’s knee and then he puts Kofi in a step over toe hold. Kofi kicks Swagger away and Kofi goes to the floor to try to recover as we go to commercial.
We are back and Kofi kicks Swagger and then Kofi hits a monkey flip. Swagger sends Kofi to the apron and the Eagle tries to trip Kofi but he fails in his attempt to cheat. Kofi knocks the Eagle down but Swagger is able to knock Kofi off the apron and to the floor. Swagger chokes Kofi on the floor and then he returns Kofi to the ring. Swagger gets a near fall on Kofi and then he puts Kofi in a body scissors. Swagger turns it into a waist lock. Swagger with a knee to Kofi’s midsection. Swagger stomps on Kofi’s abdomen and then starts to work on Kofi’s back. Swagger with knees to Kofi against the ropes and the referee warns him. Swagger with an elbow to the back and then Swagger puts Kofi in an abdominal stretch in the ropes. Swagger with a near fall on Kofi.
Swagger with a seated abdominal stretch but Kofi gets to his feet and backs Swagger into the corner. Kofi with forearms but Swagger hot shots Kofi onto the turnbuckle. Swagger kicks Kofi to the floor and Swagger follows after him. Kofi with a kick and forearm to Swagger. Swagger tries to send Kofi into the ring steps but Kofi stops it and he sends Swagger into the ring steps.
They return to the ring but Swagger recovers first and hits a clothesline but can only get a near fall. Swagger with a double over hook of the arms but Kofi with elbows to escape. Swagger with a punch to Kofi as he stops Kofi’s momentum again. Kofi with a kick and punch as he blocks punches from Swagger. Kofi with kicks and forearms followed by punches in the corner. The referee pulls Kofi out of the corner and then warns him. Swagger charges at Kofi but Kofi with chops to Swagger followed by a drop kick. Swagger blocks the Superman punch but Kofi avoids a belly-to-back suplex and Kofi sends Swagger into the turnbuckles and he puts Swagger on the bottom rope and hits the Boom drop but can only get a two count.
Kofi goes to the turnbuckles and he tries for a cross body but Swagger catches him and hits a standing power slam. Swagger sets for the double jump Swagger Bomb but Kofi gets his feet up and hits Swagger in the head. Kofi with a pendulum kick attempt but Swagger puts Kofi in the ankle lock when he blocks the kick. Kofi is able to use the ropes to escape and send Swagger into the ring post. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise for the three count.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Kane is in Teddy Long’s office and he wants to apologize for intimidating Teddy last week and he says that he didn’t mean to destroy his office. Kane wants Teddy to do what is right. Kane asks Teddy if he was close with his father. Teddy says that he barely knew his father and that didn’t prevent him from being who he is or from reaching for the stars.
Edge appears on the monitor in Teddy’s office. Edge says that he didn’t have a dad either. Edge says that you can count on Mother Nature calling and after Edge smells around, he says that Mother Nature is calling. He asks Kane to join him over by the cotton candy stand.
Paul says that Edge didn’t deserve to have a father. Paul says that none of the people in the building deserved to have fathers. He says that even if they did, they still deserved to be bastards.
Edge reapplies the tape to Paul’s mouth and then he wheels Paul away.
Kane leaves the office and we go to commercial.
We are back and Kane is looking for Paul but Paul is not there. Kane enters a men’s room and the wheelchair is there, with a note on the mirror that they had ‘Gone Fishin’.
Josh Mathews is in the interview area with Alberto Del Rio and he is still smiling despite what happened on Sunday night. Josh asks about Alberto being knocked out on Sunday night and how Alberto might be considered the underdog. Alberto says that he learned a valuable lesson at Survivor Series. You should never share the spotlight with someone who is not your equal. He says that Big Show is not his equal. He says that he will be victorious tonight and on Monday night, he will become King Alberto Del Rio.
We go to commercial.
We are back and did you remember the Did You Know about the award that WWE earned from their China tour?
Match Number Two: Alberto Del Rio versus Big Show in a Mamacita Said Knock You Out King of the Ring Qualifying Match
Del Rio has something to say to Show and he says that he is better than Show. Show objects to that statement and he pushes Del Rio into the corner but misses a punch. Del Rio with punches but Show pushes him down. Del Rio goes to the turnbuckles but Show grabs him by the throat. Del Rio goes to the floor and in the process forces Show’s arm into the rope as we go to commercial.
We are back and Del Rio has Show in a waist lock but Show channels Andre and pulls the arms apart and hits a butt bump. Show has Del Rio in the corner and connects with a shhh chop. Del Rio goes for the leg but Show with a head butt. Del Rio begs for some mercy but Show with a head butt. Show chokes Del Rio in the ropes. Show with a clubbing forearm to the back. Del Rio with a jawbreaker to Show and then he kicks Show in the leg. Del Rio comes off the ropes but Show grabs him by the throat and tries for a choke slam but Del Rio escapes the hold. Show tosses Del Rio away but Del Rio with a drop kick to the knee. Del Rio with another drop kick to the knee and he has Show down and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with kicks and another drop kick to the knee. Show with shoulder tackles to Del Rio followed by an Irish whip. Show charges into the corner and Del Rio with a boot to the knee. Del Rio with a running enzuigiri into the corner followed by another kick to the leg. Del Rio has Show to his knee and then Del Rio tries to flip Show over for the cross arm breaker but Show picks up Del Rio and hits a suplex.
Show signals for the punch and Del Rio sees it coming so he goes to the floor. Show follows and Del Rio kicks Show in the leg. Show with a chop to Del Rio and then he does the same against the announce table. Del Rio is thrown back into the ring and Ricardo Rodriguez grabs Show to prevent him from getting into the ring. Show grabs Rodriguez and punches him. Unfortunately for Show, the referee gets to ten and Show has been counted out.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio by count out
While Alberto Del Rio heads to the back, Edge gets on the house mic and they are near the concourse. Edge says that they would like to wish everyone the happiest of holidays. Edge says that he usually gains five pounds over Thanksgiving. However, holidays are not all about eating. They are about bonding and conversing. He wants Kane to come out so they can have a conversation man to man.
Kane comes out onto the stage and he wonders how dare Edge do it. Edge asks ‘How dare I shove Paul Bearer down these stairs’. Kane calls Edge cold blooded, heartless, and a miscreant. He says that Edge is a monster.
Edge says that after all of the things that Kane has done over the years, it sounds like he is talking about himself. Edge suggests that Kane doesn’t like it when these things happen to himself. Edge says that he is going to do the right thing. He is going to ask the people what they think he should do with Paul Bearer. Edge asks Paul for some input, but Paul says that he hates everyone.
Edge asks for the vote of the people and their choices are 1) Give Paul back to Kane; 2) Shove Paul down the steps; or . . .
Kane says that he knows what Edge wants. It is all to agree to another World Title match. He tells Edge that he can have his match. Kane wants to know if Edge is satisfied.
Edge says that he is satisfied and he will accept that match. Edge says that since Kane put it that way, why not come up and join them. Edge says that he is going to take Paul to the hot dog stand. Kane follows after Edge as we go to the concession area but there is only an empty wheelchair.
Kane is still angry as we go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Montel Vontavious Porter versus Drew McIntyre in a Remember when we were pushed King of the Ring Qualifying Match
They lock up and Drew backs Porter into the turnbuckles and the referee separates them and Drew with a facewash but Porter with a punch and he sends Drew into the corner. Porter with more punches followed by a drop toe hold and knee to the back of the head for a near fall. Porter punches Drew some more and the referee warns him. That allows Drew to roll towards the ropes and Porter sends Drew to the floor with a baseball slide. Porter sends Drew into the ringside barrier but Porter tries to slam him on the floor but Drew gets to his feet and he sends Porter into the ring steps. Drew stomps on the arm that is laying on the ring step.
Drew breaks the count and then he returns to the floor where he sends Porter’s arm into the ring steps. Drew slams the arm into the steps again. They return to the ring and Drew gets a near fall. Drew stomps on the injured arm and then he kicks Porter in the leg. Drew stomps Porter in the head as he continues to wear down Porter. Drew with a key lock on Porter but Porter with punches. Drew stops any momentum by wringing the arm and slamming it into the mat again. Drew punches Porter in the back of the head. Porter rolls to the floor to try to get some of the feeling back in his arm but Drew comes over to Porter.
Drew tries to stomp on Porter’s head but he takes too long and Porter is able to sweep the leg and Drew lands on the apron before going to the floor. Porter rolls back in while Drew is holding his back. Porter with a few clotheslines followed by a facebuster and he kicks Drew to the mat so he can hit the Ballin’ Elbow and he connects. Porter wants Drew to get up and he kicks Drew in the chest before trying for the Playmaker. Drew blocks it and then he tries to punch Porter but Porter blocks it with his injured arm and it probably did more damage than if the punch had landed. Porter with punches of his own but Drew with an Irish whip. When Porter tries to float over, he cannot get any height because of his arm. Drew hits the Future Shock DDT for the three count.
Winner: Drew McIntyre
After the match, Drew mimes his coronation.
We go to Jack Swagger in the back with the Eagle and he blames his loss on the Eagle. He tells the Eagle to straighten up and fly right.
Swagger walks away and we see Hornswoggle in his Indian princess costume waiting for dinner. Rosa Mendes, taking time from jumping rope, brings Hornswoggle his dinner and it is a burnt turkey. She says that she might have overcooked it a little. She asks Hornswoggle if he wants some soup or potatoes, but she might have burnt those too. Hornswoggle is depressed but he sees the Eagle equally depressed. Hornswoggle has an idea but Rosa tries to stop him. Hornswoggle gets a bow and arrow and must have hit the Eagle because we hear a scream. We go to commercial.
We are back and the former Diva Champion Collective Michelle McCool and Layla come out. Michelle wants the music cut off and they say that they are not in the mood. They say it is the worst week ever. It started on Sunday when Natalya stole their title. Michelle says that the belt doesn’t even look good on her. Layla calls her a cheating, unshaven liar. Then on Monday, Natalya got them kicked out of Raw. Michelle wants to know who would do that. Michelle calls Natalya a hater. Michelle and Layla say they hate Raw. Layla points out that they are in Michelle’s home town. Michelle says that everyone looks amazing and gorgeous, but she is not sincere. Michelle says that they have each other and Layla says that they will always be Flawless.
Match Number Four: Michelle McCool with Layla versus Kelly Kelly in a Battle of Jacksonville Match
Before the match starts, Layla tries to get the Kelly Kelly odor out of the ring with some air freshener, but Kelly kicks Layla from the apron to the floor.
Kelly with a rollup for a near fall when Michelle charges at her. Michelle with a belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall. Michelle slams Kelly’s head into the mat and then kicks her in the back of the head and then connects with a series of knees to the midsection. Michelle drops Kelly on the top rope and then she tries for the McCool Clash but Kelly holds on to the ropes so Michelle lets her go and Kelly falls to the mat. Michelle takes too long with her next move and Kelly with a rollup for the three count.
Winner: Kelly Kelly
After the match, Michelle attacks Kelly from behind and then Layla joins in the attack. Beth Phoenix’s music plays in the building and Michelle and Layla appear to have acquired Rage Deafness because they don’t realize that Beth has come to the ring since they continue to attack Kelly. Beth hits Michelle with a double sledge to the back and then Beth clotheslines Layla. Beth with a Polish Hammer to Michelle and then she hits the Glam Slam on Michelle. Beth checks on Kelly and raises her arm since she won the match.
Layla checks on Michelle and then she sees Beth in the ring and she screams.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a look back at John Cena’s greatest farewell speech in WWE history . . . this year that wasn’t made by Shawn Michaels.
We go to the announce table where Cole, Striker, and Grisham talk about the way that John Cena went out and the loss of one of the top stars in WWE history.
In case you haven’t seen enough from this week’s Raw, we go to the Raw Rebound when the WWE Title got a little AWESOME.
Match Number Five: Rey Mysterio versus Cody Rhodes in a If you aren’t feeling dashing, you could always wear a mask King of the Ring Qualifying Match
Before the match starts, Alberto Del Rio comes out to the ring to watch his little friend Rey Mysterio in his match with Cody Rhodes to give him some advice on how to advance to the tournament like Alberto did. While Striker puts on Cody’s new shirt, Cole greets Del Rio with a manly hug because that is what Cole does when he isn’t answering e-mails from the Raw General Messenger.
Rey kicks Cody in the leg and then he connects with forearms to the face. Cody with a kick and sunset flip but Rey rolls through and since you never give Rey Mysterio a sunset flip, Cody knew that the kick was coming so Cody ducked to protect his face. Cody backs up and goes to the floor. Cody wants his jacket to make sure his face is okay. Rey follows after Cody and kicks him in the leg. Cody begs for Rey not to hit him in the face and Cody backs away. Cody hits Beautiful Disaster using the ring steps for the momentum and then he sends Rey back into the ring. Cody with an Alabama Slam for a near fall. Cody with a boot to the chest and then he kicks Rey with the referee warning him. Rey goes to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Cody is working on Rey’s arm but Rey with punches. Cody with an arm bar and then Rey sends Cody into the corner. Rey charges into a boot and then Cody goes to the turnbuckles for a knee drop to the back and Cody gets a near fall. Cody with forearms to the back followed by a kick. Cody wraps Rey’s arm in the rope and then he hip tosses Rey from the apron into the ring. Cody gets a near fall and then he punches Rey in the corner. Cody puts Rey on the top turnbuckle but Rey with a head butt to Cody and Rey with a seated senton and springboard cross body for a near fall. Rey with a kick but Rhodes grabs Rey by the tights to keep him from going off the ropes. Cody tries for CrossRhodes but Rey counters with a jackknife cover and gets a near fall.
Rhodes with a backslide for a near fall. Cody misses a drop kick and Rey with a round kick to the head but only gets a near fall. Rey with a drop kick to the back and Cody falls into the ropes. Del Rio moves from his announce position against the announce table and he tells Cody to get out of the ring. Del Rio thinks that he has outsmarted Rey but Rey goes to the apron and Cody sees him out of the corner of his eye so he ducks and Rey hits a seated senton splash on Del Rio.
Rey sends Rhodes into the ringside barrier and then they return to the ring. Rey kicks Cody and that sends Cody into the referee. Del Rio trips Rey and pulls him into the ring post. Rhodes hits CrossRhodes and gets the three count.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
After the match, Del Rio is pleased that Rey is not in the King of the Ring Tournament. Del Rio enters the ring as Rey backs into the corner.
Teddy Long is in his office and he is trying to make a call, but Kane enters and tells Teddy that he has had it. He says that he has tried to reason with Edge. He has tried to talk with him, but Edge will not listen to him. Kane blames this on Teddy and he tells Teddy that he will pay for it.
Edge appears on the TeddyTron and he tells Kane that he shouldn’t lose his temper over this. He tells Kane that he should join them outside for some air in Jacksonville. Edge tells Kane that he should give Paul back before there is an accident. He says that they are in the parking lot so he should get him. Edge has some small talk with Paul while Kane goes out after his father.
Kane makes it outside and he sees Paul in the wheelchair. As Kane gets closer to Paul, a car starts driving towards the wheelchair and the car hits the wheelchair and we find out that Paul Bearer is made of giant cotton balls, or it was a dummy that was just hit. The car stops and we see Edge is the driver and Paul is in the back seat. Kane picks up dummy Paul’s head and he throws it at the car. Kane kicks Paul’s upper torso and then throws the wheelchair as we go to credits.
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