-The show kicked off by summing up the “high” points of the first-half of Season One, like the Funkadactyls feuding, Nikki Bella getting injured, and Natalya marrying Tyson Kidd.
-The girls meet for brunch (what’s the deal with brunch? How come there’s no linner or no lupper?) and Eva Marie lets the other Divas know that she is doing a signing for Maxim and disses The Bellas for being on the cover of the “Mexican one” and not the American Maxim magazine. Oh-ho it begins!
-Total Divas opening theme.
-The Funkadactyls and Jon Uso are traveling to a show when Ariane gets some road rage when a random driver doesn’t drive to her standards. She sits on the horn and cusses out the driver in front of her. The driver stops and she gets out and goes to his window where the guy calls her a bitch and she throws her drink at him! OM feakin’ G!
-Nikki does a talking head interview about her injury during the first half of the Total Divas season. She is off crutches, but not cleared to wrestle.
-The Bellas run into Eva Marie and she admits to pushing their buttons purposely and she reads a rumor that she will be teaming with John Cena to face The Bellas and Daniel Bryan. Eva is off to her autograph signing and The Bellas wish her luck and “hope” that people actually show up for it. Nikki didn’t like that Eva talked about her man while rubbing her chest. I don’t know, I kind of liked it!
-Eva is at her signing and the perverts are out in droves! (No offense to any readers of this who were there, you guys are cool!)
-Natalya took on Naomi and Nattie comments on how competitive (i.e. stiff) Naomi was during the match. Notably, she got kicked so hard that she wet herself.
-Natalya is backstage crying and she reveals to Trinity that she made her pee herself. Natalya is (get this) pissed at Trinity for being so stiff and chews her out backstage. Natalya wants to slap the taste out of her mouth for doing so, then takes a shower to calm herself down.
-Nikki gossips to John Cena about Nattie peeing herself in the ring earlier and he reveals that one time in Canada he crapped his pants in the ring and *everyone* know about it. Nikki is disgusted and doesn’t want to think about John in that way. She changes the subject to his elbow, which looks like it is growing a second head. She wants him to get it checked out now, but John doesn’t want to compromise his match with Daniel Bryan at Summerslam. John agrees to get it checked out soon…
-At Summerslam, Jane and Mark from Talent Relations drop that Natalya and Brie will have a singles match at the show. Great acting from these girls pretending that they just found out that day or that weekend that they are booked for the second biggest pay-per-view of the year. Mark also lets Natalya know that she is the host for the online red carpet program where she will interview those on the red carpet. Natalya feels slighted again because she doesn’t get to walk the carpet and show off her wares yet again.
-On the red carpet, Alicia Fox asks Natalya about wetting herself and it upsets Nattie all over again. She buries Trinity’s workrate again and storms off.
-On the red carpet, in the middle of the interview, John gets a text and leaves Nikki alone by herself with no explanation. Nikki doesn’t know what to make of it.
-At the party, Ariane is there with her mom and fiancée. She tries to reign in Vincent and keep him from making a scene like he did in Vegas, then ends up getting mad at him for interrupting girl time and making things uncomfortable for everyone else there.
-Ariane leaves the party with Vinny hot on her heels. Trinity isn’t far behind and she lets Ariane know that she has anger issues over stupid things. Trinity tells her to get herself in check, especially when talking to the menfolk.
-The Bellas are taking their dog for a walk through their deserted hotel lobby and out in Downtown L.A., which also looks like a Scooby Doo ghost town. To my relief (and the dogs’s), the dog pulls a Nattie Neidhart on a tree.
-At Summerslam Fanfest, fans are lined up to meet Eva Marie and she quips that no one is there to see The Bellas.
-Natalya is signing autographs with Alicia Fox and a fan mentions her match against Trinity on Superstars. Alicia tells the fan that Nattie wet herself during the match. This was obviously scripted because Summerslam was mid-August and the Superstars match was back in early July. The chances of a random fan remembering a Superstars match is not probable.
-The Bellas and Daniel Bryan are doing voice-over work for a Flintstones movie. While chilling in the green room, Brie tells Nikki that Eva Marie is trying to weasel her way into being her new tag partner. A flashback is shown of Eva telling Brie that Nikki might not come back at all and it would be nice if they could start something up while she is up. Nikki is happy that Eva and Brie have a contingency plan in place and are being real smart about their futures. No, just kidding, she calls Eva Marie evil and can’t wait to get better so she can get in the ring with her where things “get real.” So she plans on shooting on her? That I would like to see!
-Ariane arrives home one night and her mom has staged an intervention for her about her anger issues. No one likes Ariane because of her anger issues, so none of her friends or family showed up to the intervention besides her mom. Ariane told her mom that she is the way she is because of how she was raised. She felt it was a hostile place full of yelling and cussing and she dealt with a step-father who didn’t treat her right. Ariane agrees to work on her problems.
-In the hotel, Natalya and T.J. are packing and getting ready for Summerslam. She talks about her feelings over being nervous for the match after embarrassing herself six or seven weeks ago on Superstars. Of course, Total Divas tries to dupe the audience into thinking the peeing of the pants happened like two days ago.
-T.J. talks Nattie down and convinces her that she is bigger than this and will rock it at Summerslam.
-Ariane wants to make things up to Vinny for how she acted, so she hosts a nice dinner with Vinny, Trinity, and Jon Uso. Nothing says “I’m sorry” like forcing your boyfriend to hang out with your less-than-pleasant friends!
-Brie and Bryan talk about their big matches at Summerslam. Let’s be honest, Bryan’s big match and Brie’s seventh from the top match. Bryan feels the pressure to deliver and overcome expectations.
-Summerslam kicks off and before going out to perform, Nikki thinks this is the best time to finally ask John why he left her on the red carpet. Maybe her pestering him and getting his head out of the game was the reason he lost to Daniel Bryan! Maybe not. John tells her that his doctor called him and said he needs to call him immediately. John reveals that his doctor said that his elbow is messed up and he will have to miss six months to have surgery and rehab it. John dramatically calls his match with Bryan his last match for a very long time. As we now know, six months turned out to be 71 entire days!
-JoJo sings the national anthem at Summerslam. This is the second appearance of one of the “stars” of the show tonight!
-Natalya versus Brie Bella is underway and all Eva Marie can say is that she is stoked to see an Eva Marie sign in the crowd.
-Natalya feels that she had no reason to be worried and is happy with how the match turned out. She thinks it was one of her best matches, if not the best.
-Eva Marie asks Nikki if she saw all the Eva Marie signs in the crowd. Nikki says that she was too busy seeing the good job Brie and Nattie were doing in the ring. Eva says that they were all over the place and that “Bellas gonna fall.” Brie tries calming Nikki down and tells her that Eva won’t last long in WWE with her attitude.
-Highlights of Daniel Bryan versus John Cena is shown. Nikki is freaked out by what John is doing in the ring because of his injury and gets nervous seeing the moves that Bryan is doing to John.
-More of Cena versus Bryan is shown and Brie doesn’t know that Cena’s elbow is injured. Nikki doesn’t like keeping that secret from her. Then, Brie is beside herself when Bryan wins the title and proud of him for the hard work he has done. Bryan losing his title two minutes later to Randy Orton isn’t shown.
-Backstage, John comes back and looks beat up to Nikki. She wonders if he didn’t further injure himself.
-Highlights of what is to come this season are shown. Eva is proposed to, her dad doesn’t approve, Cena goes under the knife, Vinny learns how to bump, and Bryan asks Brie to marry him.
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