Despite having arguably decreased in quality every year, the Money in the Bank match has always been a firm favourite on the Wrestlemania fixture list since its conception– so I’m more than happy to see a PPV devoted to the gimmick. What’s more than happy? Hmmm.. ecstatic? No, that’s too far… Let’s just say I’m adequately giddy.
This article contains Smackdown spoilers, so if you don’t want to be spoiled, I suggest you turn right around right now and head back to where you came from, Sunshine.
It’s a rather packed card considering the fact that two MITB matches and two world title matches should all gonna be relatively lengthy, so I shall quit my jibber-jabber hereon and get on with the job of my predictions
The Hart Dynasty v The Usos
Despite The Usos only debuting in the WWE a few weeks ago, this match already feels like it’s been done to death. I know it’s a tiresome point to make – but surely The Usos should establish themselves as genuine contenders to the titles over a matter of months rather than just being able face the champs right away. It’s a testament to the shallow joke of a scene that the tag team division has become in recent years.
That said, I’ve nothing against The Usos as performers. They seem comfortable in the ring and are certainly more prepared for the big leagues than pretty much all of the Nexus members.
The Usos picked up the victory on Smackdown this week, so WWE booking rules dictate that The Hart Dynasty will be leaving victorious on this night. I feel a lengthy run on Superstars beckons for The Usos following their PPV outing.
Pick: The Hart Dynasty
Alicia Fox v Eve Torres
Apparently WWE management is high on Alicia at the moment. I’d suggest that’s more to do with her skinny physique and sumptuous breasts rather than her wrestling ability, but hey, maybe I’m just being cynical. Whichever it might be, she’s not dropping the title here.
Pick: Alicia Fox
Kelly Kelly v Layla
Two women matches on a PPV?! You gotta be kidding me… if WWE bookers really believe than women’s wresling help increase the buy-rates of a PPV then I would suggest they’re all suffering from a serious case of brain retardation.
Asking your audience to pay for the privilege of watching two ultra amateur bouts is beyond insulting.
Pick: Whoever most recently had sex with an upper card wrestler
John Cena v Sheamus
The ending of RAW seemed a bit odd to me. Cena and Sheamus uniting to battle Nexus was certainly not a great way to promote the cage match between the two of them.
Nexus will inevitably get involved in this match somehow (jet packs?) and – with the romance between the wrestling industry and swerve angles well documented – I foresee one of two things possibly happening here. Firstly, Sheamus reveals himself to be in cohorts with Nexus, or secondly – John Cena turns heel and aligns himself with Nexus in order for their assistance in reclaiming the title.
As awesome as a John Cena heel turn might be, I unfortunately do not see it happening. He’s the face and flagship of the company, and a quick perusal of any RAW audience will reveal how much money his merchandise generates from the company. Imbeciles are purchasing that hideous, orange T-shirt by the truckload.
Therefore I see Sheamus retaining here. It seems far more likely that he will become the head of the Nexus group, considering the way in which he won the fatal 4 way last month, and the fact that he always manages to scarper from the scene before Nexus can lay on finger on him. So once Sheamus and Nexus join forces and obliterate John Cena, who’s gonna be able to stop them? (Clue: His initials are HHH)
Rey Mysterio v Jack Swagger
Sadly, I believe that Swagger’s run with the world title was largely deemed a failure by WWE management (booking him to lose every week didn’t help his cause, the freaking morons) so I don’t see him reclaiming the strap here, and his next title run is likely a long way off.
Mysterio will always make his opponent look worthy though, so even if the outcome is a tad predictable, this should be a fast and entertaining bout. And sometimes, that’s all that we want from our wrestling, right?
Pick: Rey Mysterio
Randy Orton v Edge v Chris Jericho v Evan Bourne v Ted DiBiase v John Morrison v Mark Henry v The Miz
If Orton, Edge or Jericho win the briefcase then it will certainly seem like a non-event considering those three guys usually get world title shots on a monthly basis – so I’ll deem them as mere filler for this bout. But top-notch filler, you understand.
There’s no chance in hell (hey, like that song!) that Mark Henry is winning, so one must assume that it’s time for one of the remaining midcarders to step up to the plate.
John Morrison’s transfer to RAW was baffling and, as many of us predicted, he has been totally wasted (as in “under-utilised”, not “drunk”) since departing from the Smackdown brand. WWE bookers have done nothing to push his character, so there’s no reason at all to believe that he will be victorious here.
Evan Bourne and Ted DiBiase, on the other hand, have both received a healthy amount of TV time of late and certainly seem to be in the midst of being groomed for bigger things. But a Money in the Bank win would seem a little premature for either of them so let’s cross them off too (although I’m fully expecting Evan Bourne to be the star of the match).
Therefore, logic dictates that The Miz is the man who will bag the contract here – and rightly so. He’s the best heel in the business right now (according to me) and his performances and contributions are consistently lively, entertaining and charismatic.
It’s really quite scary how much The Miz has improved as a performer in every facet of his game over the last 2 or 3 years – and a run as the world champion would be totally deserved. A win for The Miz would be a win for the wrestling industry.
Pick: The Miz
Kane v Christian v Kofi Kingston v Dolph Ziggler v Matt Hardy v Drew McIntyre v Dashing Cody Rhodes v Big Show
I much prefer the Smackdown line-up to its RAW counterpart because all of the competitors – with the exception of Big Show – rarely or never receive an opportunity to challenge for the world title. So assuming The Big Show doesn’t win here (which he won’t), whoever lays claim to the briefcase will ensure that there will be a fresh face in the Smackdown main event scene.
But with that said… I’m leaning towards the veteran Kane winning the title shot here. Yeah, I know many of you will say that he’s not a “fresh” addition to the main event scene, but in truth, Kane has been out of the title picture for a long, long time.
According to rumour mongers, Kane is on the verge of retirement and, having been a company man for the best part of 15 years who has never had any qualms in putting younger talent over, I feel he may well be rewarded with one last run at the top. I predict that this will include a run with the title (his only ever previous reign lasted just 24 hours) and a bowing out feud with his bro The Undertaker.
On a side not – as much as I’d love to see Christian win here (wouldn’t we all?), I just can’t see it happening. In fact, out of all the guys involved in this match, Christian is probably the least likely to win. Despite being one of the most talented guys in the whole of the WWE, Vinnie Mac is too dumb and stubborn to move him out of midcard limbo – and I find that mighty depressing. Presumably, Christian does even more so. I don’t believe that Captain Charisma will even get a sniff of the world title for the remainder of his WWE career.
My PPV picks have been pretty poor in recent months, so no doubt I’m wrong here and the 95% of wrestling fans that have picked Drew McIntyre to win will be right. But hey, I’m entitled to my opinion, and so my opinion I shall have.
Just a quick reminder before I sign off – to all you UK viewers who subscribe to Sky Sports, the Money in the Bank PPV is available for free and will be going out live in the wee hours of Monday morning. Cowabunga!