Bingo’s Breakdown: Royal Rumble 2015 Predictions

Royal Rumble



Greetings jabronis,

As we fill our backpacks with cheeseburgers and gin to journey along The Road to Wrestlemania, our first stop as ever is the always very welcome Royal Rumble.

As far as gimmick matches go, for me it’s the greatest ever. There’s a joyous level of carnal gratification achieved in watching large, costumed men simply try and throw one another out of the ring – and when there is often over a dozen men in the ring simultaneously, the titillation is turned up tenfold.

That, to me, is why the event is so accessible and appealing – even to wrestling biz outsiders. Viewers need no background knowledge of feuds and they don’t have to buy into some ridiculous stipulation or storyline. This is just a tale of thirty musclebound meatheads trying to hurl each other onto the floor. If you can’t enjoy that, I weep for your soul.

There’s a pretty packed undercard packaged along with the Rumble, complete with a salivating World Title match. My predictions are as follows…

The New Day vs Tyson Kidd, Cesaro and Adam Rose

I really hope The New Day lose here because their gimmick absolutely sucks. Conversely, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are frikking awesome. Unfortunately, they have Adam Rose on their team, and he’s a dork who has been terrorised by a bunny of late. What a lemon.

I’ll go with the babyfaces for the win, but I hope I’m wrong because they really are the dullest babyfaces in existence… And that’s saying something in a world where John Cena is an actual thing.

As it stands, Kofi Kingston isn’t confirmed for the Royal Rumble match. His outlandish, mad-hat antics on the night always feature in WWE video packages, so I’m assuming he will play a role as ever – and I fully support it.

Pick: The New Day

Xavier Woods

The New Age Outlaws vs The Ascension

The New Age Outlaws seemed to draw a lot of sighs from wrestling fans across the globe during their tag title run last year. But not from me, no sirree.

I make no apologies for being a mega fan of their exploits – and the fact they’re making a PPV appearance in 2015 (over 17 years since they first partnered in WWE!) fills me with a warm nostalgic glee! Not terribly dissimilar in sensation to wetting myself.

No doubt this is a routine win for The Ascension, who seem to really be struggling to get over. I’d put that down to their 1980s look, 1980s promos and 1980s wrestling style. Hey… maybe these guys are from the 1980s???

If The Ascension are going to continue down the route of smashing their way through classic WWE tag teams, then I sincerely hope Vince is on the phone to Head Cheese right now.

Pick: The Ascension

 New Age Outlaws

Paige and Natalya v The Bella Twins

Hey look, this match is happening! I genuinely had no idea until I just checked Wikipedia… I confess to fast-forwarding through all divas matches for the last few months (although perhaps pausing now and then to admire Summer Rae’s cleavage. I’m only human.).

I’m picking The Bellas for the win because I feel sorry for the slightly uglier one of the two who forked out for fake boobs and now looks like a laboratory created whore-beast. Bless her.

Pick: The Bellas

 Nikki Bella

The Usos (c) vs The Miz and Mizdow

All four of these guys apparently get to be in the Royal Rumble too as well as having a featured match. How incredibly fortuitous for them!

Damien Mizdow continues to be one of the most over guys on the entire roster and before that popularity begins to dwindle, now must be the time to pull the trigger on a complete babyface turn.

I fully expect The Usos to retain after a miscommunication between Miz and Mizdow… Then I have a sneaky suspicion The Miz will find himself eliminated from the Royal Rumble by his stunt double later in the night.

Pick: The Usos retain

Damien Mizdow 

Brock Lesnar (c) v John Cena v Seth Rollins

What a billing. I absolutely adore the look of this bout on paper as it’s assumedly gonna be one hell of a scrap, and it’s genuinely mighty difficult to pick the winner. All three guys have a valid chance of emerging vicorious.

Should Lesnar emerge the victor, he can head into Wrestlemania to put over another guy much in the same way The Undertaker did the deed for him last year – and after a dominating 12 months, it will be a major rub indeed for one lucky individual.

If Seth Rollins wins, the WWE title picture will have a new buzz of excitement about it as we trundle down The Road to Wrestlemania.

And if Cena wins, well… it’ll be pretty upsetting… but we’ve learned literally hundreds of times in the past to never write him off.

Ultimately, I have to side with Brock Lesnar earning the win. WWE has built up the part-timer so spectacularly over the course of the last 12 months that anything other than a dethroning at Wrestlemania would just seem anti-climactic. Surely that has to be the scene of his eventual downfall, not here.

Of course, in the aftermath of this, Rollins still has his MITB briefcase… But I have a feeling that prop will have a part to play at Wrestlemania.

Pick: Brock Lesnar retains

The Royal Rumble

And so onto The Royal Rumble itself, whereas of now (it’s Friday afternoon) there are said to be 21 confirmed entrants – so there’s plenty of scope for a few surprise entrants.

Sheamus, Randy Orton, Bo Dallas and Rey Mysterio are all rumoured to feature after recovering from injuries (or, in Mysterio’s case, just a complete lack of desire to work for WWE anymore). But I don’t perceive any of them as major threats to be the overall winner.

As for nostalgic surprises, we’ve learned to accept that we should always expect one or two. Booker T and William Regal are possible candidates I guess, and Hall of Fame favourites like Ricky Steamboat or Ron Simmons are always on hand for a cheap pop. And hey, Goldust is already confirmed as an entrant so there’s already a healthy dose of nostalgia there! As for Sting, he’s surely not gonna compete. His role is to have a couple of high profile matches with established WWE legends (ie HHH, Undertaker) during his tenure – not get involved in the title scene. At the opposite end of nostalgia, we’ll surely see an NXT guy or two make their Royal Rumble debut – namely Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn I would suggest.

As for “mega” surprise entrants, The Dudley Boys have been heavily rumoured for a spot(s) this week. Whilst I wouldn’t be against their return, I’d much rather see Bubba Ray embark on a singles career if the duo do return. They’ve pretty much exhausted every avenue possible of what they can achieve as a tag team (although a short feud withe The Ascension would make sense storyline-wise).

For the outright winner, there’s only one outcome I can see, and that’s Justin Gabriel getting his arm raised.

I jest, I jest! I’m afraid I’m gonna be very predictable and side with Roman Reigns. WWE has proven to us in 2013 and 2014 that it has no problem whatsoever in giving us the most predictable outcome at the PPV. But as least Roman Reigns would be  a more worthy winner that the 45 year old, part-timer Batista proved to be.

Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt and I supposes Rusev can all be considered among the favourites, but I have severe doubts about each. Daniel Bryan has just returned from injury and, despite the fact that a Bryan v Lesnar match would be massively intriguing, I feel he needs a lengthy, injury-free run before he’s inserted back into the main event picture. Bray Wyatt, as we well know, is seemingly being groomed for a match with The Undertaker so he won’t win here; Rusev meanwhile is nowhere near ready to feature in the main event of Wrestlemania (although I would change my mind on his chances if Cena wins the World Title earlier in the night).

So it’s a Roman Reigns victory foreseen by my all seeing eye, and your WWE World Title match at 2015 will be the long-rumoured Roman Reigns v Brock Lesnar. Lord only knows how Reigns is gonna keep up with Paul Heyman in the promo department.

Pick: Roman Reigns

Roman Reigns 2

Those are my picks jabronis. Please add your own below. I love it when you do, I does.

Because The WWE Network is FINALLY available in the UK I will indeed be watching the event. And a bargainous £9.99. What a wonderful age we live in.

Over and out.

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