– Tonight’s WWE Monday Night RAW kicks off with Lilian Garcia introducing the three-time Emmy Award winner, star of Entourage and new movie The Goods – Jeremy Piven. Piven drives out to the stage area in a convertible Trans Am. Piven goes to walk to the ring but forgets something. He pops the trunk and out comes Dr. Ken in full pimp gear. Piven and Ken hit the ring and the crowd is loving it. Dr. Ken is going nuts.
Ken does a big intro for Piven. Both of them are insane, this isn’t bad so far. Piven does an intro for Ken. Piven says he’s going to do something he’s always wanted to do. Piven rolls out of the ring and walks up the ramp. He stops, turns around and raises his hands as pyro goes off. Ken is still going nuts in the ring. Piven says it’s going to be like the 4th of July all night long tonight and talks about Triple H facing Legacy tonight when The Miz’s music hits and out he comes.
Miz comes out and asks Piven if he’s having fun making a mockery of this show. The Miz says he’s an acclaimed TV star also. Piven and Ken joke on Miz, calling him lame. Piven insults Miz for appearing on MTV’s Real World. Piven says everyone in the crowd tonight has “the goods” but he can tell Miz doesn’t. Ken is absolutely insane here. The Miz says he’s out here tonight because he wants John Cena and says Cena got lucky last week. Miz wants a rematch and tells Piven to make it happen or he will… John Cena’s music hits and out he comes.
Cena hits the ring and thanks Piven for coming to RAW. He goes to shake hands with Ken and Ken drops to one knee and kisses his hand. Cena says everyone knows Miz isn’t that good and he lost in two minutes last week. Cena is talking to Piven and Ken this whole time with his back turned to Miz, mocking him. Cena plugs Piven’s The Goods movie, where Piven plays a used car salesman. Cena compares Miz to a rusted out old Pinto. Cena says Piven has to step up to the plate somehow and make him vs. The Miz tonight interesting. Piven announces The Miz will face John Cena tonight in a Lumberjack Match. Miz says wow, that’s bold. Piven says if Miz loses tonight, he’s banned from SummerFest in Los Angeles this year. Cena corrects him and says it’s SummerSlam. Piven says any better – if Miz loses tonight he’s banned from the Staples Center forever. Cena whispers something to Piven. Piven says if Miz loses tonight, he’s permanently banned from WWE Monday Night RAW for good. Piven’s music starts again and The Miz is pissed, saying they can’t do this. Cena starts a “Goodbye” chant towards The Miz as he walks off and Cena, Piven and Ken celebrate in the ring. We go to commercial.
Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger
Back from the break and we get a replay from last week’s show where Evan Bourne picked the win up over Jack Swagger. Out next is his opponent for this week’s rematch, Jack Swagger and he’s pissed. The bell rings and they go at it. Bourne takes Swagger down first. Swagger counters with a big slam and a 2 count. Swagger rolls him on the mat and slams him again.
Bourne ends up going to the top but jumps down when Swagger moves. Bourne drops Swagger and goes for a standing moonsault but it’s blocked. Swagger goes for the gut-wrench powerbomb but Bourne rolls him up for a 2 count. Swagger comes back with kicks on Bourne. Swagger slams Bourne into the corner and powerslams him. Swagger goes for the gut-wrench again and nails it for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Jack Swagger
– After the match, Swagger attacks Bourne while he’s down on the mat. Swagger works him over until MVP rushes the ring for the save. Swagger heads up the ramp as MVP’s music plays and we go to break.
– Back from the break and we get a replay of Shaq and Big Show on RAW. Cole plugs a poll on WWE.com asking who would win in a match, Show or Shaq.
– Backstage we see Jeremy Piven talking to some of the Divas when Ken interrupts. Piven says he looks like a 9 year old Bruce Lee right now. Piven tells him to transform into the Asian Assassin and then go fight Big Show. Ken starts mocking Show and turns around to Big Show standing there. Show says he was embarrassed by Shaq on RAW and wants him back here tonight to fight. Piven mocks Show and Show proposes Big Show vs. Jeremy Piven tonight. Piven talks about the United States Title and says Show can fight Kofi tonight. Show thinks about it and says Piven is good at this. More comedy from Piven and Ken as we go to the ring.
– When we went to the arena, Mickie James’ music was playing but we cut to a break. RAW comes back and Michael Cole leads us into a preview for Jeremy Piven’s new movie The Goods.
Mickie James and Gail Kim vs. Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall
Back in the ring where WWE’s Divas Champion Mickie James is with her tag team partner Gail Kim. They’re just standing there chatting while we wait for intros. Out next is their opponents, Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall. Gail and Beth start things off with some pushes until Beth shoves her to the mat. Gail with a dropkick and tag to Mickie. Mickie with another dropkick and a 2 count. Beth tosses Mickie to the apron but runs into a forearm. Mickie goes up top and hits the Thesz Press for a 2 count. Mickie decks Jillian but gets dropped over the ropes by Beth.
Beth works over Mickie before tagging in Jillian. Jillian mounts Mickie and slams her face into the mat. Jillian rams Mickie back into the corner. Mickie fights off Beth and Jillian at the same time before taking Jillian down with the head scissors. Mickie tags in Gail who nails a few clotheslines on Jillian. Gail with her spear in the corner and another nice move off the ropes. Gail hits a missile dropkick from the top and knocks Beth off the apron. Jillian drops Gail’s face into the ropes and goes for a scoop slam. Gail counters but ends up in the corner. Beth is tagged in but Gail doesn’t see it. Beth drops Gail with a shot to the back of the head. Beth hits her finisher for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall
2-on-1 Handicap Match: Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes vs. Triple H
Out first for the next match after a commercial break is Legacy – Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Mixed reaction for them. Out next is Triple H to a nice pop. The match starts with Cody in for his team. They lock up and Triple H goes to the corner with rights on both Ted and Cody. Triple H takes Cody to the mat but they get right back up. Shoulder by Triple H and a long suplex.
Cody tags in Ted who gets dropped by a Triple H clothesline. Triple H runs into a boot in the corner and Ted goes to work on The Game. Triple H goes for a Pedigree but Cody runs in. Triple H clotheslines Cody to the floor and throws Ted over the top rope to the floor on top of Cody. We go to commercial break.
Back from the break and Cody is in control of Triple H with a headlock after some help from Ted during the break. Triple H fights out now. Ted tags himself in but Triple H doesn’t see it. Double team by Legacy. Ted takes Triple H to the corner and kicks him down to the mat. Cody is tagged in and he stomps on Triple H. Ted comes back in for more shots while Triple H is down in the corner. Cody comes in and stands on Triple H’s throat. The ref’s back is turned as Ted takes a cheap shot. 2 count by Cody.
Ted comes back in and they hit a double suplex on Triple H. Headlock by Ted. Ted with a powerslam off the ropes for a 2 count. Cody is tagged back in for some double teaming. 2 count by Cody. Cody with a knee to the face for another 2 count. Cody ties up Triple H with another submission. The crowd starts chanting Triple H. He fights back but Cody drops him with a DDT for another 2 count. Cody goes for the moonsault but Triple H moves out of the way. Both are down. Cody goes for a tag but Triple H decks Ted off the apron. He goes out to the floor and takes Ted out. Back in the ring, high knee to the face by Triple H. Cody goes down with rights. Triple H with another knee to the jaw. Ted comes on the apron but gets knocked into the announcer table. Spinebuster on Cody. Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Ted comes from behind with the Dream Street. The ref orders Ted out of the ring.
Rhodes covers Triple H but only gets a 2 count. Cody hits the Cross-Rhodes on Triple H to get the pinfall and the win.
Winners: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
– After the match, Triple H is down in the ring, laying on the bottom rope with a microphone. He’s saying that hurt and did not go as he planned. He says he doesn’t get it, are Legacy really that good? He says they keep beating him every way he turns so maybe they are too much for him. He says he used to be pretty good at the gang warfare stuff and says maybe he should start another group. Maybe he should bring one back. Ted and Cody watch from the ramp. Triple H maybe he brings back Evolution. Nah, he says that won’t work. Randy is a jerk, Batista is hurt all the time and Flair is signign autographs at the VFW or something. Wow. He says maybe he just makes one phone call and if they’re not down with that, he’s got two words for ya… he drops the mic and the crowd pops. Triple H’s music plays as Ted and Cody look on from the ramp.
– Back from the break and Piven and Ken are watching clips from the movie with some of the Divas. Chavo Guerrero walks in and gets Piven confused with Joe Rogan and Fear Factor. Then he confuses him with Jon Favreu. Piven says he’s heard Chavo has had troubles with Hornswoggle. Piven says they’re going to sanction a match tonight between the two, a straight up wrestling match. Chavo hugs Ken and calls him the Samurai dude from Heroes. Chavo walks off and Piven tells Ken he has a plan for Chavo tonight.
Carlito vs. Primo
We go to the arena where Carlito is making his way to the ring. We see replays of where Carlito attacked Primo after their match a few weeks back. Out next is his opponent, his brother Primo.
The match starts and they go at it. Primo with lots of shots in the corner. Primo counters a move out of the corner and takes him down. Primo with kicks to Carlito on the ropes now. Back and forth until Primo hits a clothesline off the ropes for a 2 count. Carlito goes to the floor and Primo flies out onto him. Primo takes it back in the ring for a 2 count. Carlito counters this time and Primo goes down. 2 count by Carlito.
Carlito with a scoop slam and an elbow drop for a 2 count. Carlito puts the knee to the back but Primo fights out. Primo with the back elbow off the ropes and the forearm. Primo hits the spin kick and launches Carlito out of the corner. Primo runs into the ring post going for a spear. Carlito tries the Backstabber but Primo rolls him up fro a 2 count. Carlito comes back and nails the Backstabber this time for the pinfall and the win.
Markswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
Back from the break and Chavo Guerrero comes to the ring while we get replays of his feud with Hornswoggle. Piven and Ken appear on the big screen. They say Hornswoggle got a case of the adult chicken pox so he can’t make it. He says they got Horny’s cousin to face Chavo instead and his name is Markswoggle. The music hits and out comes Mark Henry, dressed in a big red suit and a Hornswoggle hat. Really. Henry looks like he’s forcing a smile maybe.
The bell rings and Henry starts beating on Chavo. Chavo slides out of a hold and hits Henry in the back. This angers Henry and he chases Chavo out to the floor. Henry brings him back into the ring by his neck. Henry nails the World’s Strongest Slam on Chavo for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Mark Henry
– After the match, the music stops and Henry goes to the floor. He lifts up the ring skirt and out comes Hornswoggle. Horny runs circles around Mark Henry. Henry puts him in the ring where Chavo is still down. Henry drags Chavo over to the corner and Hornswoggle goes to the top to nail the Tadpole Splash. Horny’s music starts playing as he and Henry put on their top hats and celebrate together, dancing.
– Back from the break and Ken is wearing a purple suit. Randy Orton walks in and Piven says hey. Piven says they want Orton to be the special ring announcer for the John Cena vs. The Miz match tonight. Orton asks if he would kick Vince McMahon in the skull, what would stop him from doing the same thing to Ken and Piven? Orton walks off and Ken is scared. Piven says he will figure things out.
WWE United States Title Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show
We go to the arena where the WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston is making his way to the ring. Out next is the challenger, one-half of the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Big Show.
Show comes out with Chris Jericho in a suit leading the way and their new theme music. Cole and Lawler show the poll results on WWE.com and the fans voted that Shaq would win the match with Show at 83% of the vote. Jericho joins Lawler and Cole on commentary. The bell rings and Kofi starts kicking. Show catches a leg and throws Kofi down. Show manhandles Show, lifting him by his neck. Show backs Kofi in the corner and works him over.
Show drops Kofi again and stands on his head, using ropes for leverage. Show with shoulder thrusts in the corner now. The ref breaks it up. Kofi tries to fight to his feet with kicks but Show stops him. Big chop in the corner by Show now. Show continues to dominate Kofi. Kofi comes off the second rope but Show catches him and slams him to the mat. Show hits the splash off the second rope but only gets a 2 count.
Show puts a foot down on Kofi’s gut and holds it. Show is still in control with nothing from Kofi yet. Show goes to the ropes and Kofi starts fighting back. Kofi dropkicks Show to one knee and kicks him with Trouble in Paradise. Kofi goes to the top rope and hits a big double leg drop for only a 2 count. Show tosses Kofi kicking out of the pin. Show catches Kofi with a spear and hits him with body blows in the corner. The ref is yelling at Big Show as he beats Kofi down to the mat. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Kofi Kingston by DQ
– After the match, Show is pissed off and takes it out on Kofi. Show with nasty chops and body blows in the corner. Chris Jericho comes in and talks trash to Kofi’s face. Show and Jericho pose in the ring as we go back to commercial break.
– Back from the break and we get a replay from earlier of Triple H and Legacy. We go backstage to where Triple H is on the phone. He says he knows what this person said before about not coming back, but they’ve said it plenty of times and he always comes back. Obviously he’s talking to Shawn Michaels here? Triple H tells this person he needs him right now and asks, are you ready? The phone goes to a dial tone and whoever it was hung up on him. We go to another video for Piven’s new movie The Goods.
Lumberjack Match: John Cena vs. The Miz
We go to the ring where John Cena is making his way out as Lilian Garcia does introductions. If The Miz loses this match, he will be banned from SummerSlam and RAW for good. Cena enters the ring as we go back to commercial.
Back from the break and it’s announced that WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter will be next week’s special RAW guest host. The Miz is in the ring while we wait for the Lumberjacks to come out. Piven and Ken are up on the ramp. Piven says he has a confession – he’s excited about this match and is a fan of Cena but is a bigger fan of… Randy Orton. Piven says he has handpicked every single Lumberjack himself tonight. Piven and Ken play the heel role now as they head to the ring area, Ken is wearing an Orton t-shirt. Voices plays as Randy Orton makes his way to the ring.
Orton stops at the ramp and calls for the Lumberjacks. Out comes Chavo, Chris Masters, Ted, Cody, Carlito, Jack Swagger and a few others I think. The bell rings and they go at it as Piven and Ken look on from ringside. Miz beats Cena down in the corner but Cena comes back. Cena rolls to the floor and decks a few of the heels before coming back in the ring. Cena with his bulldog and a clothesline sending Miz to the floor infront of Piven.
Cena goes for the STF but Orton and others jump on the apron. Miz hits Cena in the back with a knee and Cena goes to the floor. Chris Masters applies the Masterlock on Cena for a good minute and wears him down to the floor. They toss Cena back in the ring. Miz covers for a 2 count. Another 2 count. Miz works Cena over and nails a big clothesline off the ropes for another 2 count. More back and forth until Cena hits the shoulder and the big slam. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and tells Piven he can’t see him. Orton comes up and pulls Cena to the floor where Legacy ram him back into the apron and beat him up.
Cena is thrown into the steel steps. The Lumberjacks continue to pummel Cena on the floor. Orton stomps away on Cena. Ken hands his cane to The Miz. Cena ducks it and nails Miz with the Attitude Adjuster for the pinfall and the win. The Miz is gone from RAW and banned from SummerSlam?
Winner: John Cena
– After the match, Ted rushes the ring and Cena decks him. Cena is surrounded by the Lumberjacks. Cena turns around and Piven is on the top rope. Piven jumps at Cena but gets caught. Ken comes in and hits Cena in the back with the cane. Cena drops Piven and Ken is going nuts. He hugs Cena and says we did it. Ken says he didn’t hit Cena with the cane. Cena finally picks Ken up and throws him over the top rope and onto the Lumberjacks. Cena’s music hits as he stares Randy Orton, who is on the stage area. RAW goes off the air.