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WWE Monday Night RAW results from 3/13/17

Here are the results from tonight’s (Mon. March 13, 2017) episode of WWE Monday Night RAW (courtesy of PWInsider):

We are in Detroit, Michigan and your announcers are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Byron Saxton.

Brock Lesnar’s music plays and he does the Brock Bounce on the stage with Paul Heyman followed by the Lesnar Leap into the ring.

Paul gets on his knees and he wonders if it is a vision or an advocate’s fantasy.  Did Brock Lesnar F-5 the seemingly indestructible Goldberg?  Yes, he did.  The result was DOWN GOES GOLDBERG.

Paul introduces himself and he says not only can he see the future, but that vision has been bestowed on each and every one of you courtesy of the Goldberg eating carnivore Brock Lesnar.  What is that vision and what is that future?  That future takes place on April 2, 2017.  It is the night his client BROCK LESNAR causes those so called announcers to scream at the top of their lungs “DOWN GOES GOLDBERG!!”  

Paul says he has to confess that for the past few months . . . 

Paul hears the chants for Goldberg, and he says that Goldberg . . . is not here, but his client is here so Paul asks for everyone to listen to his advocate.  Paul says that is the polite way to tell all of the people chanting for Goldberg to shut up.

Paul says they have been wondering what do they do because of the problems they have had with Goldberg.  Each time they have met face to face, the result has been Spear . . . Jackhammer . . . Goldberg.  Not last week.  Last week was a different story.  The story was F-5 . . . DOWN GOES GOLDBERG.  Not only did Goldberg go down at the hand of Brock Lesnar, he went down to the single most effective move in WWE History, the F-5 performed at the hand of Brock Lesnar.  Now that we have seen the footage to show about the future, the greatest comeback in Sports Entertainment history.  A comeback of biblical proportions shall be hoisted upon the shoulders of this beast and then slammed down to the mat by Brock Lesnar as the resurrection of Goldberg will be put down.  Paul says his vision of the future will be validated.

Paul says Wrestlemania Theory of Relativity Goes F-5 = Lesnar goes up . . . DOWN GOES GOLDBERG.

Mick Foley is in his office and Stephanie enters.  Stephanie says Paul is so creepy and she likes that she can make Mick laugh due to the tension between them.  We are only three weeks away and tempers are short.

Mick says people say the wrong things.

Stephanie says that people say things that you cannot take personally.  In the heat of the moment, there is pressure on you.  She says she brought in Mick to be General Manager because of his connection to the WWE Universe and the Superstars.  Stephanie says as Mick’s manager, she has tried to nurture him.  Tough love has not worked.  She wants to apply everything that she has learned and she is willing to teach him.

Stephanie asks if Mick is in because she has his first lesson.  Stephanie tells Mick to determine the one person on the roster that he is going to fire.  He needs to trim the fat and it will send the message to everyone to be more productive.

We go to commercial.

Match Number One:  Sasha Banks (with Bayley) versus Dana Brooke (with Charlotte)

They lock up and Dana sends Sasha into the turnbuckles.  Dana with forearms but Sasha with an elbow.  Dana sends Sasha into the turnbuckles.  Dana works on Sasha on the apron and then she gets a near fall.  Sasha with a sunset flip for a near fall.  Sasha with Meteora for a near fall.  Dana gets Sasha on her back but Sasha escapes and gets a rollup for the three count.

Winner:  Sasha Banks

After the match, Charlotte calls Dana a disgrace and says that Dana does not deserve to be by her side.  You will not ride her coattails going into Wrestlemania.  Charlotte says she is getting rid of Charlotte.

Dana attacks Charlotte and connects with punches and a clothesline.  Charlotte tries to escape but Dana holds on to her.  Charlotte shows her displeasure with Dana and she leaves.

Michael Cole mentions the Warrior Award and this year, the award will be given to Eric LeGrand, who was paralyzed while playing at Rutgers.

We go to commercial.

Match Number Two:  TJ Perkins and Akira Tozawa versus Brian Kendrick and Tony Nese

Tozawa and Kendrick start things off but Nese attacks Tozawa from behind and Kendrick goes to the apron.  Nese with a forearm and Kendrick tags in.  Kendrick sends Tozawa to the mat and he pie faces him.  Tozawa sets for a chop but Kendrick flinches and Tozawa with a jab followed by a rana and a forearm that knocks Kendrick off the apron.  Tozawa with a suicide dive and then Perkins with a rana off the apron to Nese as we go to commercial.

We are back and Kendrick with a Cobra Clutch on Tozawa while Neville watches from the WWE viewing angle.  We see Nese using the ring skirt to take control with Tozawa.  Tozawa chops Nese and Tozawa with a forearm.  Tozawa with a forearm to Nese and Nese goes down.  Perkins is pulled off the apron when Tozawa goes for the tag.  Nese with a near fall.  Nese with a body scissors on Tozawa.  

Nese with a bear hug on Tozawa and he sends Tozawa into the center of the ring.  Tozawa with an Enzuigiri to Kendrick on the apron.  Perkins tags in and he kicks Nese and then hits a drop kick followed by a running back elbow.  Perkins with a bulldog out of a wheelbarrow.  Kendrick tries to break up the cover but Kendrick hits Nese.  Tozawa is sent to the floor by Kendrick.  Kendrick is sent to the floor.  Nese gets a near fall.  Perkins avoids Nese and hits a springboard DDT but Kendrick breaks up the cover.  Perkins gets Nese up for the Detonation Kick but Kendrick pulls Nese off.  Tozawa with a running kick to knock Kendrick off the apron.  Nese pushes Perkins into Tozawa and Nese with a rollup for the three count.

Winners:  Tony Nese and Brian Kendrick

Luke Gallows are in the interview area and they are asked about the number one contender match and who they would like to face.  Karl says they won the title six weeks ago but everyone wants to talk about the other teams.  They are not flashes in the pan so why are you asking about other teams.  Luke says to ask someone else about those teams.  They says that if they don’t get the opportunity, they will take it.

Kevin Owens makes his way to the ring as we go to commercial.

Kevin stands in the ring with his spotlight.  Kevin says one month ago today, he took the spotlight and he put it back right where it belongs.  We have a video package.

Kevin says a lot of you people are very upset with him for doing that and betraying Chris Jericho.  You are upset because Kevin pretended to be Chris’ best friend for months.  Kevin says he was never Chris’ best friend.  Chris Jericho never, for one second, truly considered him to be his best friend.  Chris was getting close to Kevin so he could get close to MY Universal Title.  Chris is mad, not because Kevin betrayed him.  It was because Kevin did what everyone else would have done.  He stabbed Chris in the back before Chris could stab him in the back.

Now Chris wants his revenge.  Chris got him at Fastlane.  Chris Jericho beat him at Fastlane, not Goldberg.  At Wrestlemania, Chris thinks he will get the greatest payback at Wrestlemania, but that just means Chris is dumber than he thinks.  Kevin says he will take Chris’ title at Wrestlemania.  When he is done, the only think left of Y2J will be the Tears of Jericho . . . Cry it out man. As far as tonight goes, the only thing Chris Jericho and that waste of space partner of his, Sami Zayn is going to get is a lesson. That lesson is who needs best friends when you have a destroyer.

Match Number Three:  Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens verus Sami Zayn and Chris Jericho

Owens and Jericho are in the ring when the bell rings but Joe is tagged in.  Jericho with a drop kick but Joe with a reverse atomic drop followed by a running boot and back senton for a near fall.  Joe with head butts followed by an Irish whip but Joe runs into an elbow and Jericho with a missile drop kick for a near fall.  Zayn tags in and he punches Joe.  Joe with a chop and jabs.  Joe with another chop.  Zayn leaps over Joe and hits a head scissors take down.  Zayn punches Joe and Joe with an Irish whip and running elbow followed by an enzuigiri.

Owens tags in and he kicks Zayn.  Owens with a Jericho cover as he looks at Jericho.  Owens super kicks Jericho off the apron because he can.  Joe tags in and Zayn with forearms to Owens and Joe.  Both men are sent to the floor and Zayn with a flip dive onto everyone.  Zayn limps back into the ring and while Zayn punches Joe, Owens clips Zayn and they double team Zayn.  The referee warns Owens and Joe but then he calls for the bell because he has lost control.

Winners:  Chris Jericho and Sami Zayn (by disqualification)

After the match, Joe with the Kokina Clutch to Zayn and Owens with kicks.  Jericho gets back into the ring and he tries for the Walls of Jericho but Joe attacks Jericho.  Joe holds Jericho and Owens with punches and kicks.  Owens punches Jericho while officials come to the ring and they hold their arms out to exert their authority.

Joe passes Jericho to Owens and Kevin hits a pop up power bomb.

Stephanie tells Mick that she will help him make their decision. 

Stephanie suggests Sami Zayn since he is an underperformer.

Nia Jax enters and she mentions that she put Sasha Banks out of action for a month.  Then Nia says she has her shoulders down for three seconds.  Nia demands to be part of the Women’s Title Match.

Stephanie says Nia will face Bayley.

We are back and Mick Foley walks in the back and Jinder Mahal stops him and he says that he has heard something about someone being fired.  Jinder says it better not be him.  He says Rusev has been holding him back.

Foley tells Jinder if he stops talking, he will get a match.  Mick says Mahal will face Roman Reigns.

We go to the New Day in the back since they are the hosts of Wrestlemania.  Xavier mentions their new show New Day Talks.

Xavier says you need the biggest guest possible for a debut show.  Kofi says their guest is the star of the Jetsons/WWE movie, the Big Show.

Xavier says that Big Show will have a chance to become a two time Andre the Giant Battle Royal winner. 

Xavier, Kofi, and Big E ask a series of questions without allowing Big Show to answer.

Titus O’Neil stops by and he is told to leave. 

Titus says someone’s job is on the line so why should he care about being on this stupid talk show.  Titus leaves but he comes back and says he cares about why the Titus Brand is not the star of the Jetson’s movie.  Titus pushes Show and Show looks angry.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady make their way to the stage to do their entrance.

Enzo says that they got a gift for the guy who spills coffee and he has an Enzo and Colin themed coffee cup.  Enzo says there are only two types of men in this world and Sheamus and Cesaro aren’t either type.  Colin says you are looking at your bracketbusters and they are the Cinderella Story.  Colin says that they are going to Wrestlemania in style and they are going to beat up Sheamus and Cesaro from the Joe to 8 Mile.

Match Number Four:  Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady versus Sheamus and Cesaro in a Number One Contender Match

Cesaro with a drop kick and European uppercut to Colin but Colin with a side slam.  We see Anderson and Gallows watch from the back.  Sheamus tags in and he gets a near fall.  Sheamus with punches and the referee pulls Sheamus out of the corner and Colin with punches.  Sheamus with punches followed by a shoulder and a knee lift.  Colin with a slam and then he slams Enzo onto Sheamus.  Cesaro pulls Enzo off and then they stand across from each other and yell at each other as we go to commercial.

We are back and Cesaro with a clothesline to Enzo for a near fall.  Sheamus tags in and he hits a spike power slam for a near fall.  Sheamus with a forearm to Colin.  Cesaro tags in and he connects with a running European uppercut.  Sheamus tags in and he applies a reverse chin lock.  We see footage from the commercial break when Sheamus hit a Finlay Slam and Cesaro hit a double stomp.  Sheamus goes into the ring post when he misses Enzo.  Enzo tries to dive for the tag but Cesaro grabs Enzo by the leg.  Enzo with an enzuigiri.  

Colin tags in and hits a running shoulder and back elbow.  Colin with a fallaway slam and a splash into the corner.  Colin another fallaway slam and splash.  Sheamus makes the tag as Colin hits a boot on Cesaro.  Sheamus with a clothesline off the turnbuckles.  Sheamus misses a Brogue Kick.  Colin with elbows followed by a running boot that sends Sheamus to the floor.

Anderson and Gallows show up at ringside and they attack Colin and Sheamus.  The referee calls for the bell.

Double Disqualification

After the match, Gallows and Anderson attack all four men.  They hit Magic Killer on Cesaro.  

We take a look at what happened at the end of Raw when Undertaker decided to answer Braun Strowman’s challenge instead of Roman Reigns.

Roman Reigns is in the back and he walks into commercial.

We are back and Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows are stopped by Mick Foley.  Luke and Karl says they don’t have any winners in the match so there is no opponent for Wrestlemania.

Mick says with no winner, there are four opponents at Wrestlemania.  It is a Triple Threat Match.

Match Number Five:  Jinder Mahal versus Roman Reigns

They lock up and Reigns with a clean break but Mahal with a kick and forearms.  Mahal with back elbows but Reigns with a belly-to-back suplex for a near fall.  

The lights go out for a moment and there is a gong sound.  Roman loses his focus and Jinder with a Harley Race knee and leaping knee drop.  Mahal with a power slam for a near fall.  Mahal with punches and a kick.  Mahal with punches to Reigns in the corner.  Mahal with more kicks but Reigns with a Superman punch and then he hits a second Superman punch for the three count.

Winner:  Roman Reigns

After the match, Roman gets a mic and he says he is not messing around tonight.  Roman tells the Undertaker to come out like a man.

We go to commercial.

We are back and Roman Reigns paces quietly in the ring.

Shawn Michaels’ music plays.and he makes his way to the ring and he poses.

Roman says it is pretty cool to see Shawn and he says Detroit loves Shawn.  Roman says he did not call out HBK.  Roman says he called out the Undertaker.  

Shawn says he won’t waste Roman’s time and he says he saw what happened last week with the Undertaker and he saw what happened a few minutes ago.  He says that Roman is distracted and unfocused.  Shawn says it is not a good thing if Undertaker is already in your head.  At Wrestlemania, Shawn says Taker will eat him alive.  

Roman says that will not happen.  Roman says maybe the Undertaker should think about being in the ring with him since so many people ask him about what it is like to face The Undertaker.

Shawn says he is on Roman’s side and he reminds him that he is Mr. Wrestlemania.  Shawn tells Roman he knows about walking around with a chip on your shoulders.  He says there are people who want to see him fail.  Shawn is not out here to get confrontational with him because he is on Roman’s side.  

Roman appreciates the advice, but he reminds Shawn that the Undertaker retired him.  Roman says he is the guy who will retire the Undertaker.

Roman goes up the ramp and Braun Strowman attacks Roman Reigns.

Mick and Stephanie are in the office and she says she knows that Braun won’t be fired.

Mick says this is a tough decision and he hopes to talk Stephanie out of it. 

Stephanie says she is doing this for Mick and it will position him as a leader and raise the competition in the Raw locker room.

Mick says he does not want someone to lose their job before Wrestlemania. 

Stephanie says that he has an hour to make his pick and if he cannot make a decision, she will make the decision for him and it will be a decision he will not like.

We take a look at Austin Aries with Neville from last week’s Raw and 205 Live.

We go to commercial.
Match Number Six:  Austin Aries versus Ariya Daivari

Daivari with a kick but Aries with a forearm and he sends Daivari into the turnbuckles.  Aries with an arm drag but Daivari with a head scissors.  Aries with a headstand and he hits a drop kick.  Aries goes to the turnbuckles to relax.  Aries with forearms but Daivari back drops Aries over the top rope to the floor.  Daivari with forearms to the back.  Daivari with a hammer lock and short arm clothesline for a near fall.  Daivari works on the surgically repaired orbital bone.  Daivari with a chop.  Aries boxes the ears and then he hits a clothesline and back elbow.  Aries with a chop and gutbuster followed by a slam.  Aries with a pendulum elbow.

Daivari with an elbow but Aries sends Daivari to the floor and Aries with a suicide dive.  Aries sends Daivari back in and Aries with an atomic drop to the knee followed by a belly-to-back suplex  Aries with a rolling elbow for the three count.

Winner:  Austin Aries

We take a look back at the start of Raw featuring Paul Heyman.

We go to commercial.

We are back with an Emma video package.

Match Number Seven:  Big Show versus Titus O’Neil

They lock up and Show with punches and a chop.  Titus avoids a punch and he kicks Show.  Show with a shoulder tackle.  Show kicks Titus in the ribs.  Show with a chop.  Titus with a forearm and clothesline but Show gets up and he hits a choke slam and then he picks up Titus for a second choke slam.  Show looks around and he picks up Titus again and he hits a third choke slam for the three count.

Winner:  Big Show

Bayley is with Sasha and she mentions it is another match against Nia.  They talk about the damage that Nia can do but Sasha says Nia is beatable.  Sasha tells Bayley to ignore the haters who do not think that Bayley is a worthy champion.  

We go to commercial.

Chris Jericho is asked about how will he respond to Kevin Owens.  Chris says at Wrestlemania he will get the Revenge of Jericho.  He will pay him back man.  Chris says he wants to show the real Kevin Owens.  Not the Kevin Owens who pretended to be his friend and turned on him at the Festival of Friendship.  On a special episode of The Highlight Reel, his guest will be the real Kevin Owens.

Chris tells Tom to leave but Mike Rome says he is not Tom.  Chris does not believe Mike and he tells Mike that when you insult Chris Jericho’s intelligence and don’t even know your name . . . YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!

Match Number Eight:  Bayley versus Nia Jax in a Non Title Match

Bayley with a side head lock but Nia sends her into the turnbuckles.  They lock up and Nia pushes Bayley away and then she tosses Bayley across the ring and Bayley rolls to the floor.  Nia with a head butt and then she sends Bayley back into the ring.  Bayley with kicks but Nia throws the ring steps in anger.  

We go to commercial.

We are back and Nia stretches Bayley over her knee.  We see a spinebuster by Nia during the commercial break.  Bayley with knees to the head and she gets away from Nia.  Bayley with a jawbreaker.  Nia with kicks to Bayley against the ropes but Bayley moves and she has Nia’s leg caught in the ropes.  Bayley wtih a kick to the leg followed by a drop kick.  Bayley with another kick when Nia gets back into the ring.  Bayley with kicks.

Bayley goes to the turnbuckles and Nia catches Bayley.  Bayley escapes a Samoan drop attempt.  Bayley with a kick and a front face lock but Nia tosses Bayley across the ring.  Nia misses a splash into the corner but Nia with a bear hug and hot shot.  Nia with a splash into the corner.  Nia with shoulders in the corner but Nia does not listen to the referee and he gets to five so he calls for the bell.

Winner:  Bayley (by disqualification)

After the match Nia continues the attack and puts Bayley in the tree of woe.  Bayley is taken down from the turnbuckles and Nia throws Bayley into the ringside barrier.

Mick Foley walks in the back as we go to commercial.

We are back and as a result of what happened earlier, Roman Reigns will face Braun Strowman next week on Raw.

Stephanie McMahon is in the ring.  She says she gave the chance to Mick Foley to prove that he can make the tough decisions. She brings out the man who will fire someone on Raw, Mick Foley.

Stephanie wants to know who is Mick going to fire.

Mick says that when Stephanie handed him this assignment he thought it was difficult because there was no one who should be fired.  He says about ten minutes ago the name popped into his head.  This decision made him a better General Manager and Raw will be better.

Mick says the name that he came up with is Stephanie McMahon.

Stephanie says it is not in Mick’s power to do that.  She wants a name right now.

Mick says that Stephanie is the only one who deserves to go. You treat the superstars like jokes and chattel.  Those people are human beings.  Mick says he valued their friendship of 18 years.  Mick says that Stephanie told him six months ago that she had nothing to do with what Triple H did.  He says he is looking in the eyes of a really good liar and a bad person.  Mick says it was you and your husband in collusion.  Triple H is not a creator of WWE Stars, he is a creator of his own army.

Stephanie says that Mick is pathetic and weak.  

Mick says he will not be silenced.

Triple H’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring.

Hunter tells Mick if he has something to say to say it to his face.

Mick says he did not think Hunter was real.

Hunter wonders how people cannot find him.  Hunter says he has a business sense because he does not want a lawsuit three weeks before Wrestlemania.  That is why he won’t rip off Mick’s leg and attack him with it.

Mick asks if Hunter will do it or will he get Samoa Joe to do it.

Hunter mocks the Mick Foley Cheap Pop.  He says he never woul have brought Mick back.  He worked so hard to create the future so he did not have to look at so many has beens like you.  Hunter says Stephanie has a big heart and you amuse Stephanie. Stephanie likes Mick and he tells Mick to mistake Stephanie’s heart for what she can do.  Stephanie is the business woman that Vince taught her to be.  You are about to go around the world telling stories about the man you used to be.

Mick says he has the respect of the Raw superstars and he says they like and envy him.  Mick says he does not have to pretend to like Triple H.  He does not need Hunter or this company.  You may think he is a pathetic guy with a missing ear and missing teeth.

Hunter says that this works for Mick, but does he wonder how will his kids feel about that.  Hunter mentions Noelle and Dewey and how she wants to be a wrestler and he works in the office.  Maybe Mick will drive Dewey to the unemployment office.

Hunter asks Mick if that strikes a chord.  Hunter tells Mick that he needs to tuck his tail between his legs and waddle up that ramp.  You need to have an epiphany where you love and need your job.  When you run into Stephanie and she tells you to jump, you ask how high.

Hunter tells Mick to get up that ramp.

Stephanie tells everyone that this is a lesson to all of you. 

Mick has not left the ring and Hunter tells him to leave.  Mick with the Mandible Claw to Hunter.

Stephanie with a low blow to Mick.

Hunter takes off his jacket and he rolls up his sleeves as he prepares to attack Foley.

Seth Rollins comes out and he has his knee still in a brace and he has his crutch with him.  

Hunter wants Rollins to get into the ring and Seth drops the crutch because it is time to see the fully operational Seth Rollins.

Hunter and Rollins with punches and Seth wtih the advantage.  Rollins with a thrust kick and then he points at the Wrestlemania sign and hits a running boot to the head and Hunter goes to the floor.

Hunter picks up the crutch and he goes into the ring but Rollins with punches.  Hunter hits Rollins in the knee with the crutch and then he swings at the knee and connects.

Hunter takes off his shirt and he kicks Rollins in the knee and then he applies an Indian Death Lock.

Officials come to the ring and hold their arms out and try to convince Hunter to stop his attack.  Hunter hits Seth in the knee one more time with the crutch.

We go to credits.

  • D2K

    Just thinking and this is just for fun so no semantics please.

    Isn’t it funny how when Ryback (a Goldberg-clone) leaves WWE, then in comes Goldberg? Then when Jack Swagger (a Kurt Angle-clone) leaves, Kurt Angle comes back. I guess if Dolph Ziggler ever leaves that means HBK will be coming back. 🙂

  • Old School

    Kurt Angle and American alpha vs Usos and Roman Reigns