The John Report: The WWE Raw Deal 03/12/12 by John Canton (Twitter @johnreport)
For the record, that’s my favorite Raw Deal banner ever. Thanks Steve! Live from Cleveland, Ohio this is the Raw Deal…
The show started with Basic Thuganomics – the old theme song of John Cena. I love this song. I think it’s better than his current one although maybe I feel that way because it’s a nostalgia thing and due to the fact that I’ve heard his current song 7,813 times by now. He was also rocking the backwards hat, the chain around the neck and the vintage Mark Price Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. Price was one of my favorite players growing up, so good choice there. Here’s the video of the rap with my bullet point thoughts immediately following.
– The LeBron James dig wasn’t that good. He should have ripped on LBJ more because the Cleveland crowd would have loved him more for it.
– Wrist joke was good although that should be the end of those jokes because it’s been beaten to the ground. And if anybody knows how to beat jokes into the ground it’s me!
– This was the best part: “And after April 1st you won’t be making no more movies. You gonna need surgery on your face just like you had it on your boobies.” That’s a reference to Rock having a surgery on his pecs to have fat removed, something known a “gyno” apparently. I can remember him talking about it on Howard Stern’s show several years ago. If you watched WWE in early 1999 you would have seen Rock wrestling with a shirt on to cover it up. I’m not sure what percent of the fan base knows about Rock’s surgery, but it was funny to me!
– The line about the fans chanting tooth fairy last week was well done too.
– Calling him “Miami fried chickenshit” was a nice surprise.
– Great ending: “I’m gonna beat your ass at WrestleMania and put my nuts dead in yo face.” The right tone to end.
That was great. If Cena did promos like that all the time the adult fan would like it. The rapper gimmick isn’t as marketable as his regular act, though. That’s why Vince changed the gimmick. It’s also why Cena is likely a richer man than he ever imagined. It’s always about the almighty dollar.
Before we move on, who told Cole it was wise to say “attitudinal” so many times during the show? What a stupid word to say. Lame. The announcers were awful through much of the show. I really miss Jim Ross on the road to WrestleMania. At least there’s not an announcer match this year, though.
Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero
Vickie had huge heat for her entrance like she usually does. Sheamus knocked Ziggler to the floor for the vintage floor to commercial break.
(Commercial)
When they returned from the break, the action in the ring was very good as expected. I liked their chemistry. Obviously it’s been proven that Ziggler can have a good match with anybody or anything (I saw him wrestle a broom on Saturday!) and Sheamus is great in his role as an ass kicker. They are the perfect match in terms of styles. This would make for a great feud. During the match they also cut away to Daniel Bryan in a skybox with AJ where she played the girlfriend that said what the guy wants her to say. I’m glad the match got about 12 minutes too. The finish came when Ziggler hit the Fameasser that really needs a Dolph related name and then Sheamus came back to drill him with a Brogue Kick to win the match. Ziggler sold it beautifully, which is no surprise. It was a good, competitive match with the right guy going over based on who has a bigger match at WrestleMania.
Winner: Sheamus (**1/4)
The announcers mentioned the 12 man tag at WrestleMania as Team Teddy Long faces off against Team John Laurinaitis. It’s a good way to involve 12 men at WrestleMania. I would have preferred an eight man Money in the Bank match, though. The man with the winning team gets to be the GM of both Raw & Smackdown. The loser is fired. See ya Teddy.
(Commercial)
We found out that Santino was the captain of Long’s team and that David Otunga was the captain of JL’s team. Of all the people on the roster they could pick, those two are the best talent they could find? Nothing against either guy personally, but that might make them the worst GMs ever.
Santino vs. Mark Henry & David Otunga
The best part of this was Aksana doing the Santino walk on the way to the ring. The deal was that JL wanted to make life difficult for Long’s team so he booked Santino in a handicap match. Mark Henry came out, Santino was scared and Henry pinned him with the World’s Strongest Slam rather easily. It went about 90 seconds.
Winners: Mark Henry & David Otunga (DUD)
Kofi Kingston came out. Henry gave him the WSS too. R-Truth came out. They beat him up too with Henry hitting the big splash on him. I guess that means we know three of the guys on Long’s team that will lose at WrestleMania.
They aired clips of Miz guest starring on the show Psych with. One of the stars of that show, James Roday, would be on Raw. I’ve never seen the show. I don’t even know when it airs in Canada.
The announcers recapped the Cena rap. Did they think we already forgot it? They replayed the boobies part. That’s one of Vince McMahon’s favorite words I’d bet. Me too. We’re classy guys.
John Cena vs. The Rock. Who wins the match at WrestleMania 28?
(Commercial)
There were clips from the TV show Extra, which I’ve also never watched. Maria Menounos, a fine Greek specimen, interviewed the Bellas & Alicia. I like how they talked as if they actually had a match at WrestleMania or would have a role on the show. Walking Hall of Famers out onto the stage is not a big deal, ladies. Yawn.
Back to the show, Eve and her chesticles were walking backstage. God bless her for embracing the cleavage as a heel. Might as well work what your doctor gave ya, right? Zack Ryder showed up like a total nerd asking her what was up. She said she wasn’t playing him and that they should just be friends. She asked him to go out after the show. He said sure. Then Beth Phoenix showed up complaining about the other girls on Extra. Remember when Beth used to wrestle on the show? Beth wondered if Eve would mind if she had Zack wrapped around her finger. Eve said she would. Apparently they are doing some segment on Extra this week. Does this mean Menounos is wrestling at Mania? I dunno. Seems like a multi-woman tag or something like that. Also on Twitter, Zack tweeted that Eve never showed up and she tweeted that something came up. I can’t believe I wrote so much about that lame segment. Eve deserved more screen time based on the outfit she was wearing, though. #embracethecleavage
Backstage, Laurinaitis was on the phone. Miz showed up. He wanted to be on JL’s Mania team. JL was mad because he was talking to a member of the Board of Directors. He introduced James Roday from Psych: “I’m a fan of your length.” What a line. JL put Miz in a match against CM Punk. If he was on he was on the team at Mania. He also made Roday the guest ring announcer for the match. Good for him for saying: “I’m going to Finkel this.” I was told he was a big wrestling fan, so good for him.
They hyped that Brodus Clay was returning next. Where did he go? Nowhere. They just chose not to use him.
(Commercial)
Brodus Clay vs. Jinder Mahal
The same entrance for Brodus that we got before. Crowd liked it of course. He won with the same type of setup moves such as the headbutt. The finish was different. Instead of the running cross body attack he used a splash with his opponent on the ground. It’s a much safer move. I remember reading that people were getting hurt in Brodus matches, so doing that splash finish is going to prevent that. Match went 30 seconds.
Winner: Brodus Clay (DUD)
They showed Shawn Michaels walking backstage. He was up next.
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(Commercial)
Back from break, Machine Gun Kelly was sitting at ringside. He sings the song “Invincible” that is one of the WrestleMania 28 theme songs.
Shawn Michaels entered the arena at the top of hour two. Four weeks ago it was Triple H and Undertaker. Three weeks ago it was Triple H and Michaels. Two weeks ago it was Undertaker and Triple H setting up the match. Last week it was Michaels and Triple H announcing that Michaels would be the ref. Now it was time for Michaels to confront Undertaker. Michaels brought up that Hunter mentioned last week that people were calling him a loser and said that nobody has walked up to him calling him a loser or failure. He called out Undertaker.
The Undertaker made his usual grand entrance. He’s still got the hoodie on to cover up his bald head. Of course he had his MMA fighter gloves because who wouldn’t want to talk to somebody without wearing fighting gloves? I’m wearing them as I type! Kidding. Maybe. Shawn mentioned that they had the utmost respect for eachother, so he wanted Undertaker to tell him what he thought of him. Undertaker was being interrupted by fans chanting “WHAT?” which is ridiculous. Undertaker mentioned Shawn’s insecurities and Shawn fired back that Taker’s 19-0 at WrestleMania, yet he was the one begging Hunter to have the match. Undertaker says whether he wins or loses he’s prepared to accept the outcome. He’s not prepared to have Shawn stick his nose into the outcome of the match. Undertaker said what can’t happen is for the outcome to not be pure. In other words, he didn’t want interference. Undertaker: “If the outcome isn’t pure there will be hell to pay.” Michaels said it was possible that the guy whose career Undertaker ended could possibly end Undertaker’s streak and turn him into a loser. He pointed out that he could still be the guy to possibly end the streak. Undertaker said he’d win, the streak would continue and he will officially end an era. Taker: “If you don’t do the right thing I will officially end you.” That drew a huge reaction from the crowd.
After Shawn left, Hunter Hearst Suit McMahon Helmsley showed up on the stage. He said nothing. All he did was give Undertaker a DX like crotch chop. They are playing up the idea that Hunter and Shawn will work together to win the match. We found out later they’d all be in the ring together next week for another promo in the “end of an era” series.
The promo started out slow, but ended well. I like how they did a good job of pointing out how much of an impact Shawn could have on the match even though he was only the ref. The drove home the point that anything could happen. One more thing about Undertaker. He messed up the promo by saying WrestleMania was April 21st. Oops. I think @THEPeterJones said it best to me on Twitter: “By the time Taker and HHH finish their entrances it will actually be April 21st.” Good stuff. I won’t make fun of Undertaker too much for it…aside from sharing that tweet. My parents remind me of that all the time. Hey wait a sec?
(Commercial)
The guest ring announcer for the next match was James Roday. He had some decent little jokes. Nothing special, though. At least he seemed genuinely excited to be there.
CM Punk vs. The Miz
Miz came out to a mild reaction. Huge pop for CM Punk. They went to commercial after about one minute.
(Commercial)
The match returned for the final three minutes. It sucks when a match only get six minutes and they only show three minutes of it. I wish they’d time it better. As we found out, the post match was more interesting. Nobody really believed Miz had a chance to win. Punk got the win with the Anaconda Vice. It’s nice to use that as a finish once in a while to show he can beat you in a way other than the GTS. The Miz sure loses a lot doesn’t he?
Winner: CM Punk (*1/2)
After the match was over, Chris Jericho appeared on the screen. He cut a promo from the backstage area that aired on the Titantron while Punk was alone in the ring. It was the usual kind of trash talk from Jericho until he revealed a dark secret from Punk’s past. He said Punk was straight edge because his dad was an alcoholic and he didn’t want to grow up like him. Jericho went on to say his goal was to beat Punk for the title, which would then cause Punk to drink alcohol. Punk sold it well. No smartass comment. He had a serious tone, which was different for Punk.
My opinion? This was great. The idea that the feud has become personal now will only add to the match on April 1. Some people will hate it. They will think it’s “too real” and not needed. Guess what? It’s fiction. It adds a layer to the feud that was, with all due to respect to both performers, lacking a spark to make it as good as it could possibly be. When the babyface is the champion as Punk currently is, he already has the advantage. When the heel has the title, the story is easier to tell with the babyface trying to get the prize. In this case, they had to do something to make people really want to see Punk get his hands on Jericho. The “your daddy was an alcoholic” angle will make people think Punk really hates Jericho because of how Punk reacted to it.
If there’s a fan out there that had an alcoholic ruin their life in some way, they will absolutely root for Punk. If they don’t have any life experience with an alcoholic in their life, they will still root for Punk simply because Jericho is acting like a jerk. It’s classic, old-school heel heat. The key to the segment was not what Jericho said. It was how Punk reacted to it. He didn’t smile. He had a look of sadness on his face. The WWE Champion that we know as a confident guy with a witty sense of humor was replaced by a guy with a heavy heart that looked defeated by the words spoken by another man. On April 1st, we are going to see them have a match and it will be more intense than it would have been without this promo. In the end, the payoff will be worth it. I’m hoping they can go multiple PPVs with this feud too. Best in the world, indeed.
(Commercial)
Back from break, there was a cheesy commercial for David Otunga’s lawyer services. “Tweet David Otunga @DavidOtunga.” Then it said “if you have a Twitter account you have a lawyer. It was cheesy, but funny. That doesn’t mean I want to see him wrestle because he’s a below average in-ring performer, but the lawyer gimmick is a good way to piss people. As most know he is a legit lawyer. It’s just funny how they are pushing it on TV this way.
Before the Orton/Swagger match, they showed Smackdown clips of Orton’s problems with Kane. I assume that becomes an official WrestleMania match on this week’s SD. It’s a case of “we have nothing else for you guys, so let’s put them in a match” I think. How many times in the last two years has somebody gone from feuding with Cena and then to Orton? Somebody start a “sloppy seconds” chant. I wish Orton had a better match at WM. He’s been on fire in the last year.
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/Vickie Guerrero
Orton was aggressive early, dominating Swagger on the floor by ramming his head into the announce table repeatedly. They went to break about a minute in. A common theme on this show.
(Commercial)
Swagger had control when they returned. The fans weren’t making a lot of noise for any of Swagger’s offense probably because he’s booked like a jobber so much. He was booked that way when he was the US Champ too. Swagger put him in the Ankle Lock. Crowd didn’t care. Orton came back with a superplex. I still mark out for that move. Orton followed up with his version of his “moves of doom” including the clotheslines, the power slam, the DDT off the middle ropes and then the RKO to finish it off. Everybody has their “moves of doom” yet silly people only mention it for Cena. It’s something especially common with babyface wrestlers when they make their big comeback to win. It’s nothing to get worked up over. Orton won in about 8 minutes. We saw 5 minutes of it.
Winner: Randy Orton (**)
Post match, the lights went out, the arena went red with the familiar Kane lights and the big red monster never showed up. Maybe he forgot his wig. The story is that Orton was jumpy and Kane was getting into his head.
(Commercial)
They promoted that next week Triple H, Undertaker & Shawn Michaels would all be in the ring at the same time to hype up the “end of an era” match. That should be awesome. Remember the money promo before WM last year? I expect greatness.
Live next week on Raw it will be John Cena vs. Mark Henry. They never have good matches. Make it short, please.
The Rock Concert
I’m not sure how to write about this. Rock sat on a chair, looked at a paper on a stand in front of him and sang a variety of songs while playing the same note on the guitar the entire time. The Rock haters that exist were tweeting me and writing me on Facebook complaining about how he had to read the songs off a sheet. Suddenly, people expect wrestlers to be able to memorize words to joke songs that were written prior to the shows. Others with more reason in their mind, such as much myself, enjoyed the songs for the most part. Here’s the video of the nearly 20 minute “main event” on Raw with bullet points to follow:
– He’s always great at welcoming the fans and making them a part of the show. It doesn’t matter what city. Rock makes the crowd happy right from the beginning.
– The Vanilla Ice + Teletubby = John Cena bit made me laugh. Maybe I have a sophomoric sense of humor. It was cool with me.
– I think he played the same note on the guitar over and over. It wasn’t about the song. It was about the words.
– This was a good one: “Bet you’re glad you’re listening to me and not some goofy Eminem wannabe…Ain’t no balls down in Cena’s jock, but we’re dancing because Cleveland rocks.” Crowd popped big. Because of the line or because he said Cleveland?
– The Eve part was the funniest bit: “Rock saw Cena making out with Eve, grabbing on her thigh tugging on her weave. Cena was having the time of his life, I guess he didn’t tell her that he’s got a wife. Divorce lawyers right up the block, but we’re dancing because Cleveland rocks.” Well played.
– The “Lady Parts” bit has been running for a while, but it’s still fresh and drew a big pop when he mentioned it in the song.
– “Are there any grown men that are John Cena fans?” That was a funny bit with Rock calling them a virgin at age 42. Sorry to any 42 year old virgin Cena fans out there, if they exist.
– I thought the Cena’s mom bit was a bit weak. Mom jokes should be below a guy like Rock, who usually has better material than that.
I liked the concert for the most part. Not all of it was great, but there was more good than there was bad.
The karaoke part at the end? A little weak, I must say. They sang a modified version of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” to try to get the crowd to sing-along with Rock. There were words on the screen. Rock messed it up at times. He had fun, the crowd liked it for the most part, but it wasn’t a great segment by any means. The show ended with Rock in a jovial kind of mood.
Last week in Boson, John Cena got more promo time. This week in Cleveland, Rock got more screen time (20 minutes compared to 5 minutes for Cena). Last week, Rock haters said that Cena “won” the battle. This week, Cena haters are probably saying that Rock “won” the battle. Me? I’m a fan of both. Sure, I like Rock more because I grew up a Rock fan in my late teens and without a guy like him electrifying us on the microphone I don’t know if I’d be writing today. That doesn’t mean I’m anti-Cena; far from it. I think everything Cena has said and done since the awful “Embrace The Hate” feud ended with Kane at Elimination Chamber has been excellent. You can tell how focused he is in everything he does. The aura of confidence he has is shining through in every one of his performances. Cena talks about how this is the version of The Rock we need to see and he’s right, but the Cena we’ve seen over the past few weeks is the Cena we need to see too.
I feel like they could be doing more, though. Since they love backstage segments, why not a segment where Rock is walking backstage and he bumps into a guy like Dolph Ziggler? Maybe Ziggler says something to him about how he doesn’t necessarily like Ziggler, but he respects him for being there every day. Then Cena walks backstage and he bumps into Triple H, who puts over how Rock traveled the roads fighting him for years as they laid the foundation for the Attitude Era. I understand the booking is about Rock vs. Cena without getting others involved, but we need them to get involved with others too in order to make it seem like an even bigger deal. It would make things more interesting. If you’re not going to book Rock in a match, he can at least interact with others. It wouldn’t hurt.
There are two weeks of Raw left. Personally, I love Roddy Piper’s idea on Twitter of having Piper host a Piper’s Pit on Raw the week before WrestleMania. Having the last Raw before WrestleMania ending in a wild Cena/Rock brawl that empties the locker room would be the best way to go into WrestleMania with the idea of making people pay money to see the match. Rapping and singing aren’t the way to generate interest. An old school, pull apart is the right way to do things.
A final thought that I tweeted earlier this morning and is represented well on the banner at the top of the column: I wonder how WrestleMania 3 would have been if Hogan and Andre sang on TV before their big match? Hmm. Times have changed, I guess. My point is that I’m not sure that was the most effective way of selling the “biggest match ever” as they call it. Yes, they’re both entertainers, but actions speak louder than words.
Bring on the brawl.
——————-
Three Stars of the Show
1. John Cena – Third week in a row I’ve put him in this spot.
2. The Rock – Good job with the singing. Would have been better if they cut about five minutes of it.
3. Dolph Ziggler – How does this guy not have a more high profile match at WrestleMania? Did an amazing job putting Sheamus over. He was the most entertaining person at the house show I was at on Saturday too.
6 out of 10
Last week: 7
2012 Average: 6.18
2012 High: 9 (January 30)
2012 Low: 4 (January 9)
Last 5 Weeks: 7, 6, 7.5, 5, 4.5
The 6 rating is slightly below the average as you can see, but that doesn’t make it a bad show. A bad show would get a rating that was lower than a 5. This one was okay. I like the Cena/Rock stuff more when they are face to face talking to eachother, reacting to their words and listening how the crowd reacts to this. Rock going on his own for 20 minutes while Cena got 5 minutes just wasn’t as effective for me.
The problem with three of the matches on the show was that the losers were guys like Ziggler, Miz and Swagger who have yet to be announced as having WrestleMania matches yet. The babyfaces that they were against are all set up for WrestleMania, so the crowd never believed the losers had a chance. They should do tag matches instead because at least then the outcomes are little less predictable.
I liked the Michaels/Undertaker segment because they painted the picture of what could happen if Michaels were to cost Undertaker the match. It’s important to put thoughts in the minds of the fans in order get them thinking that something other than a Taker win may actually happen. I believe Undertaker will win, but I like that there’s that doubt out there.
I’m okay with the 6 on 6 match at WrestleMania. I’d assume we’ll find out the full teams on Smackdown this week.
Two more weeks of Raw before WrestleMania. I’m hoping the next two weeks are shows that I can give a rating of 8 or above to because that will really set the stage well for the big show on April 1st. Please tell Undertaker that is the date. We don’t want him showing up 20 days late.
How would you rate 03/12 Raw on the 1-10 scale?
As previously mentioned, I’m reviewing every WWE WrestleMania event prior to WrestleMania 28 exclusive to TJR. Recent updates include WrestleManias 16-19. I think 17 is the best ever and 19 is excellent too. We’re getting to the end. You can catch up by viewing the archive here if you missed anything.
Also I’ve got a new writing gig over at BleacherReport.com. Click that link to read articles about the Rock/Cena feud, Miz needing to turn babyface, my house show experience on Saturday and even more on the Punk/Jericho feud. I write shorter pieces there around 1,000 words in length and do so about 4-5 times per week.
That’s all from me. Keep checking out thejohnreport.net for WrestleMania recaps three times per week (it might be four next week as I pick up the pace) and all the fine columns from the staff at TJR are posted every single day. Thanks for reading!
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