– Tonight’s WWE RAW kicks off with a video package of Martin Luther King Jr. “Long live the dream” it says. We go to the opening RAW video. We go to the Thompson-Boling Arena where the pyro is going off. Michael Cole welcomes us to Knoxville, Tennessee. We’ve got Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston & John Cena tonight.
– We go to the arena where Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring.
Vince says life is about decisions. Sometimes you make good ones and sometimes they’re bad. Vince says in business, all decisions are tough ones. He rips on the city of Knoxville. He says he made a decision a few weeks ago to let Bret Hart return to WWE and made a decision to kick Bret as hard as he could in the gut, leaving him lay in the ring. And last week, he made the decision that Bret Hart would never appear anywhere in WWE. Vince says he did this so fans could remember Bret as The Hitman, the way he was – not the way he is now. Vince calls Bret a broken down, old warhorse who needs to be put down. The crowd starts chanting for Bret. Vince says it’s his decision to put people down when they need to be put down. Vince compares this to someone chewing gum and spitting it out because it loses flavor.
Vince says if he would have let Bret stay in WWE, that would have been like letting a disease in WWE. Vince compares Bret to gangrene on your finger. Vince calls the fans hypocrites. Vince says the fans want faster, bigger, better and they want more action. Vince says he didn’t make the decision to ban Bret from WWE, the fans made it. They start telling him he sucks. The bell tolls, the lights go out and The Undertaker makes his way out.
The World Heavyweight Champion makes his grand return to RAW as the fans go wild. Vince says he wasn’t finished talking and tells Taker this his time and his show. Taker says the way he sees it, this is his time now. Taker says he came out here to address Shawn Michaels but since Vince is here, Taker needs to tell him something his own ego won’t allow him to admit. Taker says there isn’t many of “us” left but he was there, 12 years ago, in Montreal. Taker says he saw the whole thing. Taker says he saw the fear in Vince’s eyes then and he sees it now.
Taker says Vince screwed Bret and now he’s scared of the consequences. Taker calls Vince a coward. Vince says he disagrees with Taker’s point of view, but this is Taker’s time. Vince walks out of the ring. Stubbornness, anger and denial. Taker says these aren’t just the attributes of Vince – Shawn Michaels shares the same qualities. Taker says one year ago, Michaels said he would break the WrestleMania streak. Taker says HBK did prove he’s Mr. WrestleMania but the streak is still intact. Taker wants to deliver his answer for this year personally. The music hits and out comes Shawn Michaels.
Shawn enters the ring and they stare at each other. Shawn says here he is, anxiously awaiting Taker’s answer for the rematch. Taker tells Shawn he came closer than all the others on breaking the streak but still failed. Taker says a rematch this year will just result in more bitter disappointment for Shawn. Taker says he has nothing to prove. Taker says his answer to the challenge is no. The crowd boo’s at this and Shawn doesn’t like it either. Shawn says Taker has the audacity to come out here… Taker cuts him off. Taker says if Shawn is truly convinced he can beat him, they can have the match tonight on RAW. Shawn says no to this. He wants his victory over Taker to be on the grandest stage of them all. Shawn says he is going to win the Royal Rumble for a fact and when he does, he’s coming for The Undertaker at WrestleMania for the World Heavyweight Title. Taker says he will be the World Champion at WrestleMania, despite the match with Rey Mysterio. Shawn tells Taker he will see him at WrestleMania. Shawn says Taker’s streak, title and soul will be his. They come face to face in the middle of the ring. Taker’s music hits and he exits the ring as we go to commercial.
Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne
Back from the break and out comes the WWE Champion Sheamus. Evan Bourne is waiting in the ring for him. It looks like we’ve got a rematch here. The bell rings and Randy Orton comes walking out to the stage. Sheamus rams Bourne in the corner and goes to work on him. Sheamus notices Orton walking down the ramp and keeps working over Bourne.
Orton makes it to ringside and stares down with Sheamus. Bourne comes from behind and kicks Sheamus. Bourne unloads of Sheamus and hits the double knees from the top for a 2 count. Sheamus catches Bourne with a nasty backbreaker and a big kick to the face. Sheamus hits his finisher for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Sheamus
– After the match, Randy Orton walks in the ring, still staring down Sheamus. Sheamus grabs his WWE Title belt and holds it up in front of Orton. Sheamus backs out of the ring and heads to the back, still locking eyes with Orton.
– We go backstage with DX. Shawn is upset about what happened in the ring with Taker. Don Johnson walks up and says he’s a big fan of DX. He asks where his co-host Jon Heder is tonight, Don can’t seem to find him. HBK says he doesn’t know who Jon Heder is but if he runs into him, he will tell him. HBK asks Triple H if he needs to talk, Triple H says no and Shawn walks off. Shawn is in serious mode now. Triple H calls Heder an idiot, apparently they had a situation in the past. They tease that Heder hasn’t shown up tonight. Johnson sees someone with their back turned and they’re dressed like Napoleon Dynamite. Johnson thinks it’s Heder but it isn’t, it’s Carlito. Carlito says he’s never heard of Heder and walks off. We go to commercial. Did John Heder no-show RAW?
Over-The-Top Challenge: Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry
Back from the break and out first for the next match is Jack Swagger. We see clips of Swagger getting humiliated on RAW last week in his top rope challenge. Swagger takes the mic tonight and says last week was a fluke. He issues another over-the-top-rope challenge and calls Santino Marella out for revenge. Santino comes out dressed like Don Johnson in Miami Vice. He says he’s busy tonight but has found a replacement. Out comes Mark Henry. The bell rings and Swagger strikes first but it doesn’t phase Henry. Henry lifts Swagger above his head and tosses him to the floor in a quick squash.
Winner: Mark Henry
– We go backstage and see a black limousine pull up. The Bella Twins and Jon Heder step out. Someone else is in the limousine. Heder tells them not to come out until he says so. Heder and the Bellas go to the ring as we take another break.
– Back from the break and Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts, actors Jon Heder and Don Johnson. They come out with The Bella Twins and head to the ring. Johnson says they are thrilled to be here tonight. Some comedy here from Heder. Johnson announces tonight’s main event will feature DX. Heder says that’s not working for him. He likes DX but says he needs something new. Heder talks about them being from California and the coach for USC, calling him awesome. Heder introduces a good friend of his, someone else who is awesome – The Miz.
Out comes WWE’s United States Champion The Miz. Heder puts him over. Miz thanks Heder for putting him in the Royal Rumble match. Miz says he got a text today that said Triple H thought Don Johnson should have hosted RAW alone tonight. Miz puts over Heder as an actor. They rip on Johnson a bit. Miz says back in the day, Johnson was what Miz is now – the hottest thing on TV. Miz talks about Miami Vice and Miz puts down Tubs from Miami Vice, Johnson’s partner on the show. Miz compares Tubs to MVP on RAW. We get some comedy here but it’s going nowhere. Out comes the #1 contender, MVP.
MVP comes out and says he can relate to Johnson since he’s from Miami. He apologizes to Johnson and the WWE Universe for Napoleon Dynamite and his partner Pedro wasting everyone’s time tonight. MVP announces that he’s in the Royal Rumble match also. He promises to eliminate Miz. MVP says why wait, let’s do it now. MVP says he’s throwing Heder out of the ring too and makes his way down the ramp. Miz meets him but the Big Show’s music hits and out he comes to interrupt. MVP drops Miz but turns around to a boot and a big KO punch from Show. Show lays out MVP and heads in the ring. Heder says Big Show and he have the same agent so he called Show in as protection for tonight. Heder asks why does DX get to celebrate every night. Heder says all four of them should celebrate tonight. Johnson says he wants on part of this tonight and steps to the side. Heder announces that DX will compete against the new team he’s putting together right now – Big Show and The Miz. Heder jumps into Show’s arms and kisses him as their music plays. Johnson looks on shaking his head. Miz and Show shake hands as we get ready for another break.
John Cena and Kofi Kingston vs. Legacy
Back from the break and John Cena comes out first to a big pop from the crowd, followed by his partner Kofi Kingston. Their opponents Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase are out next. The bell rings and it’s Cena and Cody starting things out. Cena drops Cody first and Ted is tagged in. Cena unloads on Ted and hits a bulldog for a 2 count. Cena gets kicked in the head and goes down. Cody comes in and they double team Cena with stomps.
Cody beats down Cena in the corner. He distracts the ref and Ted chokes Cena. 2 count by Cody. Ted comes back in for more double teaming. Ted takes control and works over Cena after hitting a big clothesline. Kofi is tagged in now. He clears house of Cody and Ted. Dropkicks and a big right hand on Ted. Kofi hits the Boom Drop. Ted moves as he goes for Trouble in Paradise. Kofi mounts Ted in the corner with right hands. Cody comes up but Kofi fights him off. Kofi turns around to a big clothesline from Ted. Cody comes back in as the legal man and goes at it with Kofi. Back to commercial.
Back from the break and Ted has Kofi grounded in the ring. Cody comes in and hits a nice dropkick on Kofi for 2. Cody stomps on Kofi but he fights back. Cody kicks Kofi back into the corner. Ted takes advantage and chokes Kofi. Cody goes for a big knee drop but Kofi rolls out of the way. Ted is tagged in. He charges Kofi in the corner but Kofi moves. Kofi tries to tag in Cena but Cody comes in and stops the tag. Legacy stomp away on Kofi in the corner. 2 count by Cody. Ted comes back in for more double teaming. Kofi fights away from Ted but still can’t make the tag to Cena. Kofi hits a backdrop on Ted as Cena tries to get the fans pumped. Cody and Cena are tagged in at the same time. Cena unloads off the ropes and hits the big back drop. Cena with the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Attitude Adjustment. Cody fights out of the AA and hits a Russian leg sweep for a 2 count. Cody goes for a bulldog but Cena counters and hits the AA for a 2 count as Ted breaks the pin. Ted helps up Cody. Kofi is tagged in and comes off the top rope with a crossbody. Ted ducks and Kofi lands on Cody for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: John Cena and Kofi Kingston
– We go backstage with Jon Heder, The Miz and Big Show. Hornswoggle appears and yells a bunch of stuff at Heder. Nobody knows what he is saying. Heder turns around and Triple H is standing here. They eventually make it a six-man for tonight with DX and Hornswoggle vs. The Miz, Big Show and Jon Heder. We go to commercial.
Maryse and Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim and Eve Torres
Back from the break and Maryse makes her way out for the next match. Her partner Alicia Fox comes out next. All the Divas in the match are in the semi-finals for the Divas Title tournament. Gail Kim and Eve Torres are out next. The bell rings and it’s Gail and Maryse. Gail strikes first with a quick roll-up. Gail hits a spear in the corner and a dropkick from the top on Maryse. 2 count by Gail. Alicia gets involved with Gail on the outside and brings her back in the ring. Maryse with a backbreaker and a 2 count.
Alicia comes in and they double team Gail. Alicia works over Gail until she tags in Eve. Eve comes in and takes control, getting a 2 count on Alicia. Eve comes off the top rope and puts an arm submission on Alicia. Alicia taps out to the hold to end the match.
Winners: Eve Torres and Gail Kim
– We go to a video preview of Steve Austin’s appearance on NBC’s Chuck and another commercial break.
– Back from the break and Don Johnson is backstage talking with Kelly Kelly. Jon Heder walks in and he’s scared about his match tonight. He tries talking Johnson into taking his place tonight but Johnson isn’t having it. Miz and Show walk in and tell him to relax. Show says he’s already clicked more than Miz than he did with Jericho. Show and Miz have something for Heder and his match. It’s a Ric Flair robe with the words “The Flame” on the back. Jon “The Flame” Heder.
– Cole and Lawler run down the Royal Rumble card so far.
– We go backstage with Triple H and Vince McMahon. Vince thinks he should call out Undertaker next week. Triple H says no, he shouldn’t. Triple H says all McMahons have to have the last word in everything. Triple H says now Vince has backed himself into a corner and if he doesn’t call out Bret, the whole world will know he’s a coward. Shawn Michaels walks up and wants to talk to Triple H but Hornswoggle interrupts them. Triple H says it’s something serious and he will talk to Shawn about it later. They walk off with Hornswoggle on Triple H’s back.
– We see Randy Orton backstage heading to the ring. Back to commercial.
Randy Orton vs. Chris Masters
Back from the break and out comes Randy Orton. Chris Masters with Eve is out next. As the bell rings, Sheamus comes out to watch the match from ringside. They go back and forth to start the match. Masters tries for a Masterlock and gets a 2 count. Orton eventually with a backbreaker and a 2 count. Masters locks the Masterlock on Orton as Orton struggles.
Masters wears Orton down with the Masterlock. Orton falls into the ropes, causing the hold to be broken. Out of nowhere, Orton hits the RKO for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Randy Orton
– After the match, Sheamus sneaks in the ring and lays Orton out cold with a big kick to the head. Lots of heat on Sheamus here from the crowd. Sheamus heads to the stage and stops to raise his WWE Title belt as the crowd boo’s. We go to another commercial.
Big Show, The Miz and Jon Heder vs. DX and Hornswoggle
Back from the break and Big Show comes out first for his team. WWE’s US Champion The Miz is out next followed by Jon “The Flame” Heder. Heder has a video of flames and is announced from “the great ball of fire.” Heder is also wearing his Flair robe. The WWE Unified Tag Team Champions DX, with Hornswoggle, are out next to a nice pop from the crowd. Don Johnson accompanies DX to the ring. DX throw glowsticks to the crowd as we go back to commercial.
Back from the break and HBK hits a forearm on The Miz. Miz counters another move and drops HBK on his neck for a 2 count. Miz hits a series of right hands on HBK and stomps away. Miz tags in Show as Don Johnson looks on. Show with a big body shot and headbutt to HBK, laying him out. Show with a big sideslam and a 2 count.
Miz is back in now as he works over HBK in the corner. Miz with a running kick to the face and more right hands in the corner. HBK turns it around on him and hits big chops in the corner. Miz charges in the corner and they clothesline each other at the same time, both go down. Hornswoggle tags himself in and dropkicks Miz in the face. Hornswoggle crotch chops Miz but gets dropped by him. Heder comes in and takes his robe off. The crowd laughs. Heder kicks Hornswoggle to the mat and charges in the corner. Horny moves and Heder hits the turnbuckle. Hornswoggle bits Heder in the rear and tags in Triple H. Heder rushes out of the ring but Johnson throws him back in. Triple H drops Heder with a right hand. Show comes in and goes for a chokeslam on Triple H but HBK makes the save with Sweet Chin Music. Show falls on top of Heder. HBK takes out Miz with Sweet Chin Music also. Hornswoggle, the legal man, hits the Tadpole Splash on Show & Heder at once for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: DX and Hornswoggle
– After the match, Don Johnson helps Heder up and to the back. Triple H takes the mic and gets serious. He says he and Shawn need to talk about the whole Undertaker thing. Triple H says Shawn needs to find another way to get the match because it’s not going to work going after the Championship. They’re interrupted by John Cena. HBK is pissed going off about something. Cena comes out and says he has a major announcement of his own. Cena says it’s been two years since he’s actually be in a Royal Rumble match and announces he’s in this year’s match. He reminds them that he won the whole thing last year and says he’s going to do it again this year. Big Show gets back in the ring, takes a mic and says he has news for everyone. Show announces he’s also in the Rumble this year and says it is designed for a giant like him. Show kicks Triple H and headbutts HBK. Show and Cena go at it. Cena knocks Show out of the ring. DX come from behind and throw Cena over the rope. DX high five but Triple H throws Shawn over the rope and to the floor. Triple H takes the mic and tells them all it’s not going to work for them because he’s in the Rumble match also. Triple H’s music plays as he locks eyes and has words with HBK and RAW goes off the air.
