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Bingo’s Breakdown: A quick Wrestlemania critique

by Nik - April 04, 2011

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WrestleMania 27 Bingos Breakdown: A quick Wrestlemania critique

Greetings jabronis,

I just want to scribe a few paragraphs giving my take on Wrestlemania whilst it still lurks fresh in our short-term memories… Too much TV choice, Nintendo Wiis and Internet porn has destroyed any long-term memory bank we may once have laid claim too.

I’d thank you all not to take a look at my Wrestlemania prediction column from last week that proved embarrassingly wrong. I successfully (unsuccessfully?) made the wrong pick in the first five bouts (though I bet there’s not one person out there who picked Cole to be declared the winner over Lawler… Anyone? Be honest.).

I don’t want to end on a negative note… So I’m gonna start on one. Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first: Daniel Bryan v Sheamus being bumped from the card was rotten booking. Both guys have worked their ass off for the company in the last few months and would have almost certainly put on a decent match. Instead, they suffer the indignity of jobbing to The Great Khali in a battle royal dark match. That’s super lame. I get that nobody ordered the PPV on the back of that match, but it’s wrong for WWE to pull it from the card when it’s already had widespread advertising. Lies make Baby Jesus cry, WWE – and don’t you forget it.

I also want to moan about the booking of the 8 man tag match. Did Kofi really deserve a spot on the card over Koslov? And regardless of that, was any of it worth it when you’re gonna book the match to last just a few pathetic seconds? It’s a waste of everyone’s time and I certainly wouldn’t class it as “entertainment” – a word that Vince seems so very fond of these days. I’d also like to point out that to squash a group of young performers that consists of the IC champion and the tag champions in mere seconds is just unbelievably counter-productive on so may levels. Bad call, WWE.

kofi Bingos Breakdown: A quick Wrestlemania critique

Okay, that’s my negatives out of the way…. The big ones at least anyways.

The Edge v Del Rio match was a fine opener (though it’s a little insulting to Edge, an 11 time world champion, to be in the curtain-jerker) and also gave Del Rio a rare chance to perform in a bout that lasted more than just a few minutes. The guy can seriously wrestle, so it’s baffling to me that WWE doesn’t allow him to have long matches more often. An Edge win wasn’t predictable, but that’s a good thing, and I’m sincerely looking forward to the feud continuing. A triple threat with Christian added to the mix at the next PPV seems a logical path from here… But WWE is rarely a fan of logic, so who knows what’s to come?

Cody Rhodes picking up the victory was a nice surprise – to me at least. Captain America was certainly looking a lot shorter than I recall him being. And a lot less American too. Could Cody Rhodes begin flirting with the main event picture following this big win over Rey Mysterio? It certainly seems conceivable. And I’d like to declare “bravo” to Mysterio for putting young Rhodes over here. A loss would have seriously stalled the mountain of momentum he’s been building of late. Thus, in hindsight, it was the right decision.

The Lawler/Cole confrontation (let’s not call it a match) didn’t satisfy the audience as much as I anticipated, but Steve Austin and Booker T made it fun – and hopefully it leads to the terrible “mystery GM” story drawing to a close. What a shame that Lawler’s only ever Wrestlemania appearance will read as a loss in the record book. And it was against a commentator. Harsh.

The Snooki match achieved exactly what WWE wanted, and there’s nothing more to really say about it other than it could have been worse I suppose. I wonder how Edge feels being lower down on the card than some whore-bag from a reality TV show?!

CM Punk and Randy Orton both put in valiant efforts, and I expected no less rom the pair. I really think CM Punk needed the victory here though. Last year we saw The Big Show wipe out The Straight Edge Society then beat Punk cleanly (on more than one occasion). And now Randy Orton has single-handedly destroyed Punk’s New Nexus and also gone on to beat him cleanly (whilst “injured” no less). It makes Punk look incredibly weak, and that’s not wise for a heel as insanely talented as he is. Hopefully he can score a victory over “Randall” in the rubber match.

HHH and Undertaker predictably had the match of the night, and predictably it featured several near-falls and kick-outs from finishers. But hey, don’t all Undertaker matches these days?! (That’s as close as I’m ever going to come to dissing The Dead Man – I promise). It doesn’t compare to Undertaker’s matches with HBK, but again, that was predictable. They were a special kind of epic.

I’m assuming The Undertaker still isn’t at 100%, hence the stretcher angle at the end that will likely write him off TV for a couple more months. He truly has become the Owen Hargreaves of WWE (a reference that will mean nothing to those who don’t follow English football – I apologise).

My happiest reaction of the night most definitely came from seeing The Miz retain the title. It was the right decision, and now – having pinned Cena at Wrestlemania – The Miz can amplify his obnoxious side tenfold.

I think it was a strange conclusion, but oddly also perhaps the right one, to have The Rock standing tall to end the show (he isn’t even a WWE employee after all) but I guess the point was to generate enough interest to ensure those casual fans will tune in for the aftermath. The Rock wrestling again would seem a guaran-damn-teed at this point. And that’s fantastic news indeed.

rockcena Bingos Breakdown: A quick Wrestlemania critique

So overall, it was a decent Wrestlemania. Far from the greatest ever, but also far from the worst ever. I’d say it’s similar to the sensation of waking up hungover next to a girl who you can’t recall sleeping with, only to discover with relief that she’s actually kind of attractive… kind of. That analogy sums up Wrestlemania 27 nicely for me I think.

What did you think of the show? Huh? Add your thoughts below. Or just post some swear words if you like. The choice is totally yours.

Over and out.

  • LVW

    Having Money in the Bank instead of the 8 man tag match would have increased my rating of the show from 5.5 to 7. Edge winning kept it from being about a 3. Agree with donners about WM9.

  • donners

    owen hargreaves…. remember when he was the key to england winning the world cup?

    has anyone reported that taker was legitimately injured? before wm was announced, he was supposed to still be touch-and-go whether he’d be cleared in time – maybe the poor finish was down to the fact that he’d re-injured his shoulder during the match?

    same could be said for the finish to cena vs miz: if miz received a concussion (which has been confirmed), maybe they had to tweak the end of the match too? true, that’s a long shot, but the whole point of that match was to set up wm28 – they were never going to let cena win, have 30 seconds to celebrate and then have the rock ruin his moment. the rock had to cost cena the title and it was the right move.

    like someone else has already said on another post on here, at least we know that cena will be completely out of the title picture from the rumble through to wm next year – maybe someone else can step up while he’s not hogging the title spotlight?

    nice article nik.

    (oh, and my vote for worst wm ever: wm9)

  • keith learmonth

    F*ck. Sh*t. God-Damn. Jesus Christ. Or any other racist or sexual slurs.

    Now that I’ve taken care of posting swear words… good article. Only thing I’d add to this would be to point out that the only other heel to ever leave Wrestlemania’s main event with the WWE title is HHH at WM2000. So WWE must have a lot of faith in Miz.

  • In Grind We Crust

    I was actually really into the Rhodes/Mysterio match. I’m not much of a fan of either but I thought they both did great.

  • erik

    I wish they would have had morrison vs ic champion in a ladder match. morrison vs ic champion in ladder match could have stole the show!

  • Tim

    To me this was by far the worst Mania I have ever seen. The matches and the Skits and all of it were a waste of time. Taker HHH was all that was worth watching.

  • Devil_Rising

    The real point in all of this, is that:

    A) Yes, WWE cared more about getting Snooki an appearance on the show to generate “interest”, even though 99.9% of all WWE fans are actually fans of *gasp*, wrestling. Even the dumb little Cena kids. They cared more about getting Snooki on the show, and the pin no less, and cared more about doing a 10 minute comedy segment with Snoop Dogg that was pointless and needless, than to put the World Champion Edge later on the card, or to even allow Sheamus and Danielson to have their WM match.

    B) The fans cared more about The Rock being at WM, than they did about Cena vs. Miz. And WWE knew it, which is why they built up the Rock for weeks, without any REAL care to Cena vs. Miz…because really, who cared about that match?

  • EnderMX

    Lol’d @ Owen Hargreaves reference and nice ending analogy

  • cory

    this ppv was a waste of money and i love wrestlemania

  • Kristine

    I couldn’t believe Kofi instead of Kozlov was in the tag match.. but I didn’t see that match because I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and it was over when I returned! So i guess it doesn’t matter! I thought the Undertaker match ending was weird.. I’m glad he won though, but It was just too weird for me. It looked like Triple H was just letting him win toward the end of it. I’m so happy Miz won! Not that I’m a fan, but I don’t like Cena.. plus this will hopefully lead to Cena vs Rock in the future! I’m also happy Cody Rhodes won, but upset his father wasn’t in his corner! And I think it was time for Del Rio to win the heavyweight belt.

  • JD

    Do you think it’s a slight at edge? Or an indictment of smackdown as a whole? I know personally I DVR Raw and don’t even bother to DVR SMackdown…. They really need to make raw the main show and have the lesser titles US and Tag Team defended on smackdown and the intercontinental and ONE world heavyweight title on Raw

  • Nik

    Oh I totally agree, Sir. The card line-ups are always planned with meticulous attention to detail. Nevertheless, I think Edge (and his title) deserve better than the stigma that goes with being in the curtain-jerker.

  • CiB

    I think the Snooki match was on second last for a good reason. That is, for PPVs, before the main event/s, you put on a “nothing match”- it gives the audience a chance to go to the bathroom and concession stands before the main event, hence the term “popcorn match”. It being placed so late in the card also means that everyone in the live audience is in their seat for the main event. It looks really bad on TV if folk leave from the live audience during the main event, even if they’re only going for a hot dog.

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