Greetings jabronis,
I just want to scribe a few paragraphs giving my take on Wrestlemania whilst it still lurks fresh in our short-term memories… Too much TV choice, Nintendo Wiis and Internet porn has destroyed any long-term memory bank we may once have laid claim too.
I’d thank you all not to take a look at my Wrestlemania prediction column from last week that proved embarrassingly wrong. I successfully (unsuccessfully?) made the wrong pick in the first five bouts (though I bet there’s not one person out there who picked Cole to be declared the winner over Lawler… Anyone? Be honest.).
I don’t want to end on a negative note… So I’m gonna start on one. Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first: Daniel Bryan v Sheamus being bumped from the card was rotten booking. Both guys have worked their ass off for the company in the last few months and would have almost certainly put on a decent match. Instead, they suffer the indignity of jobbing to The Great Khali in a battle royal dark match. That’s super lame. I get that nobody ordered the PPV on the back of that match, but it’s wrong for WWE to pull it from the card when it’s already had widespread advertising. Lies make Baby Jesus cry, WWE – and don’t you forget it.
I also want to moan about the booking of the 8 man tag match. Did Kofi really deserve a spot on the card over Koslov? And regardless of that, was any of it worth it when you’re gonna book the match to last just a few pathetic seconds? It’s a waste of everyone’s time and I certainly wouldn’t class it as “entertainment” – a word that Vince seems so very fond of these days. I’d also like to point out that to squash a group of young performers that consists of the IC champion and the tag champions in mere seconds is just unbelievably counter-productive on so may levels. Bad call, WWE.
Okay, that’s my negatives out of the way…. The big ones at least anyways.
The Edge v Del Rio match was a fine opener (though it’s a little insulting to Edge, an 11 time world champion, to be in the curtain-jerker) and also gave Del Rio a rare chance to perform in a bout that lasted more than just a few minutes. The guy can seriously wrestle, so it’s baffling to me that WWE doesn’t allow him to have long matches more often. An Edge win wasn’t predictable, but that’s a good thing, and I’m sincerely looking forward to the feud continuing. A triple threat with Christian added to the mix at the next PPV seems a logical path from here… But WWE is rarely a fan of logic, so who knows what’s to come?
Cody Rhodes picking up the victory was a nice surprise – to me at least. Captain America was certainly looking a lot shorter than I recall him being. And a lot less American too. Could Cody Rhodes begin flirting with the main event picture following this big win over Rey Mysterio? It certainly seems conceivable. And I’d like to declare “bravo” to Mysterio for putting young Rhodes over here. A loss would have seriously stalled the mountain of momentum he’s been building of late. Thus, in hindsight, it was the right decision.
The Lawler/Cole confrontation (let’s not call it a match) didn’t satisfy the audience as much as I anticipated, but Steve Austin and Booker T made it fun – and hopefully it leads to the terrible “mystery GM” story drawing to a close. What a shame that Lawler’s only ever Wrestlemania appearance will read as a loss in the record book. And it was against a commentator. Harsh.
The Snooki match achieved exactly what WWE wanted, and there’s nothing more to really say about it other than it could have been worse I suppose. I wonder how Edge feels being lower down on the card than some whore-bag from a reality TV show?!
CM Punk and Randy Orton both put in valiant efforts, and I expected no less rom the pair. I really think CM Punk needed the victory here though. Last year we saw The Big Show wipe out The Straight Edge Society then beat Punk cleanly (on more than one occasion). And now Randy Orton has single-handedly destroyed Punk’s New Nexus and also gone on to beat him cleanly (whilst “injured” no less). It makes Punk look incredibly weak, and that’s not wise for a heel as insanely talented as he is. Hopefully he can score a victory over “Randall” in the rubber match.
HHH and Undertaker predictably had the match of the night, and predictably it featured several near-falls and kick-outs from finishers. But hey, don’t all Undertaker matches these days?! (That’s as close as I’m ever going to come to dissing The Dead Man – I promise). It doesn’t compare to Undertaker’s matches with HBK, but again, that was predictable. They were a special kind of epic.
I’m assuming The Undertaker still isn’t at 100%, hence the stretcher angle at the end that will likely write him off TV for a couple more months. He truly has become the Owen Hargreaves of WWE (a reference that will mean nothing to those who don’t follow English football – I apologise).
My happiest reaction of the night most definitely came from seeing The Miz retain the title. It was the right decision, and now – having pinned Cena at Wrestlemania – The Miz can amplify his obnoxious side tenfold.
I think it was a strange conclusion, but oddly also perhaps the right one, to have The Rock standing tall to end the show (he isn’t even a WWE employee after all) but I guess the point was to generate enough interest to ensure those casual fans will tune in for the aftermath. The Rock wrestling again would seem a guaran-damn-teed at this point. And that’s fantastic news indeed.
So overall, it was a decent Wrestlemania. Far from the greatest ever, but also far from the worst ever. I’d say it’s similar to the sensation of waking up hungover next to a girl who you can’t recall sleeping with, only to discover with relief that she’s actually kind of attractive… kind of. That analogy sums up Wrestlemania 27 nicely for me I think.
What did you think of the show? Huh? Add your thoughts below. Or just post some swear words if you like. The choice is totally yours.
Over and out.
