Greetings jabronis,
Before you read any further, heed my warning that this column will contain Smackdown spoilers. So consider yourselves very heeded and very warned. Then proceed.
I genuinely hate to be pessimistic towards a pending pay-per-view… But I regretfully confess that I’m finding it mighty difficult to get excited about this year’s Summerslam.
As I write this, just four matches have been confirmed for the card. Four lousy matches. Summerslam is supposedly the second biggest event on the WWE PPV calendar, and with less than a week to go they only have four matches confirmed? To invoke William Regal: What the bloody hell are they playing at?! I’m no business expert (once I paid £100 for some magic beans), but I feel I can declare quite confidently that wrestling PPVs are sold on the quality of the match-ups they offer. If WWE are only promoting half the card with just a few days to go, how can they expect the PPV to be a commercial success? It’s beyond bewildering to me.
To make matters worse, the two main events are both rematches from last month’s PPV. Are fans really gonna fork out their hard earned bucks for the privilege of seeing matches they’ve already seen many times before, just because this time they’re happening under the “Summerslam” banner? I just don’t see it. And whilst I’m sure that Christian, Cena, Orton and CM Punk will all do their absolute utmost to produce stellar bouts on the night, I think the lack of freshness could hit buy-rates hard.
So why haven’t the powers that be at WWE announced more matches to the card? Alas, there is no obvious answer. At least none that I can think of. This week on Smackdown, Cody Rhodes won the IC Title from Ezekiel. Why oh why would WWE do this a couple of days before Summerslam? If the IC Title is booked to change hands, why not have that title change occur at the PPV? Cody v Ezekiel is a pretty fresh match-up, and having the change occur at PPV would also help return some much-needed prestige to the title.
I have a sneaky suspicion that John Morrison v R-Truth was pulled from the card just this week as a result of Mr Morrison attempting to bring his sacked, slutty girlfriend into the WWE building this Monday on RAW. The fact that he was also booked to lose to R-Truth cleanly on the same night would also seem to enforce the view that The Shamen of Sexy is in the doghouse. But instead of harbouring grudges against individual performers, couldn’t the WWE have allocated the match to Summerslam and have Morrison lose there? There’s certainly enough history between the two for a conclusion to logically occur on PPV – and Morrison is always popular with wrestling audiences, doghouse or not.
So there’s at least two additional bouts I feel WWE should have had on their Summerslam card… But hey, I’ll quit my whinging there and cast my beady eye over the four measly bouts that have been confirmed.
Sheamus v Mark Henry
Both guys are in the midst of a push so this is a tough bout to predict.
Sheamus looks to be promoted to the number two babyface spot on the Smackdown brand – which I’m totally fine with incidentally. Smackdown is massively lacking in upper tier faces, and Sheamus as a performer has really grown on me over the last couple of years. I think anyone that repeatedly addresses his foes as “fella” will eventually win a place in my heart – but Sheamus has done it much quicker than most. I definitely foresee The Ginger Ninja having more runs as champ whilst on the WWE roster.
Mark Henry, on the other hand, seems to be being pushed as the number one heel on the blue brand, and a feud with Orton over for the title seems inevitable once the viper wins it back from Christian. Geez – Mark Henry main eventing in 2011 is a mighty depressing prospect, ain’t it just. If someone had told me that in 2001 I would have laughed until my testicles exploded – which I’m not even sure is medically possible. But it definitely would have happened.
I don’t think WWE will want to damage the push for either guy here – so there’s no way that someone will be winning with a clean pin. I think one of the two could pick up a cheap victory via DQ or – the more likely scenario – the match will somehow get out of hand (maybe they’ll both produce bazookas) and the ref will be forced to disqualify both guys. Then the feud can and will continue.
Pick: Double DQ
Beth Phoenix v Kelly Kelly
It’ll be interesting to see how someone as physically imposing as Beth goes about selling the piss-poor offence of the very non-physical threat presented by Kelly Kelly.
I hate the WWE divas division through and through, but I welcomely acknowledge that Beth happens to be in possession of at least some degree of wrestling ability something that nearly all the other diva’s lack – so I guess we should be happy that WWE is acknowledging that
So will WWE put the belt on someone who can actually wrestle, or will they prefer an aesthetically pleasing bimbo to be the flagship face for the division? The cynic in me would have sided with Kelly Kelly a few weeks ago… But seeing how well the CM Punk era is being embraced (Punk being someone that can actually wrestle too), I’m thinking/hoping that WWE will also seek to reinvigorate the women’s roster by putting a genuine talent at the helm. So Beth for the win.
Pick: Beth Phoenix
John Cena v CM Punk
I can’t see WWE wanting to halt the colossal rise and popularity of CM Punk’s renegade character – so I suggest it would be a wise decision for them to strip Cena of his championship or they may well have a riot on their hands Not in the same way the vile, ignorant, thuggish scum are currently terrorising the UK – but on a far more lighter scale. You catch my drift?
We all know that Cena never loses clean though, so some clever booking will no doubt come into play to keep him protected. I sense this is why HHH has been installed as referee, and somehow his judgement or missed call is gonna decide the outcome of this match…
… Which, according to rumours, could well lead to a Cena v HHH v CM Punk triple threat match at the Night of Champions PPV next month. Now that does whet my appetite. Yes sirree.
Pick: CM Punk
Christian v Randy Orton
If we’re to believe the gossip, this feud is scheduled to carry on to the next PPV. Nobody is gonna argue that Christian and Orton have put on some truly sublime bouts over the last couple of months, but equally, nobody is gonna argue that WWE isn’t milking the holy Hell out of this feud.
If the feud is to continue beyond Summerslam, then I foresee Captain Charisma retaining here, then Orton – who inevitably will have to emerge from this feud with the title back around his waist (yawn)– will pick up the victory next month and put a cork in this battle.
Following that, it seems more than likely that we’ll be treated to an Orton v Mark Henry feud. Then all “milking” will be forgiven and we’ll be left longing for more from Orton v Christian.
Pick: Christian
Those are my picks jabronis, please add your own below – I love it when you do.
And also share your thoughts on what other matches you think will happen on the night. I’m going for the likely inclusion of Daniel Bryan v Wade Barrett, Dolph Ziggler v Alex Riley and perhaps a Zack Ryder & Ezekiel v Rhodes & DiBiase tag match. That would be rather nice. Dontcha think?
Over and out.
